The King is back!
For certain you’ve already seen the news that Kelly Slater is booked for a surf at the Corona J-Bay Open. A professional surf contest that runs from July 2 to July 13 in the dead of South Africa’s winter. You may have seen it on Surfline or the World Surf League propaganda organ or Instagram but you certainly saw it and I bet you thought, “Finally, bro.”
Before we get into Kelly’s injury, how he has spent his last year nursing it, what he thinks moving forward, the secret strategy he is planning on utilizing to fell the world’s best surfers etc. let’s talk about Corona’s sponsorship of the event.
So, Corona, a word that means crown in Spanish, is brewed by Grupo Modelo in Mexico City and has been since 1925. It is a very popular beer in the United States and also popular in Australia, though Modelo Especial is better as well as one of the group’s other offerings, Estrella, a word that means star in Spanish. Grupo Modelo was recently fully purchased by a Belgian-Brazilian transnational beverage and brewing company with global headquarters in Leuven, Belgium called Anheuser-Busch InBev.
Are you with me so far?
If you need a quick recap, and I’m not faulting you if the answer is yes, in Corona we have a beer started in Mexico but popular in America and Australia with a parent company that is Belgian-Brazilian.
South Africa, where Jeffery’s Bay is located, was enveloped by the great Bantu expansion which took place before the common era. In 1652 the Dutch colonized the land, wanting it to secure their place in the spice trade. The British wrested it away from the Dutch, as the nation had fallen into disrepair, in 1815 in order to hedge against French aggression. The Dutch/English combination is why Jordy Smith sounds the way he does when he speaks today (a little retarded).
Now, the Netherlands (Dutch) have many famous beers, chief among them Heineken (popular on Oahu’s North Shore). The British (English) also have many famous beers, chief among them Newcastle Brown Ale (popular in Newport Beach, California).
So why isn’t it the Heineken J-Bay Open or the Newcastle Brown Ale J-Bay Open? Mexico, the United States, Australia, Belgium and Brazil have never had a vested interest Africa’s bottom. Is something nefarious at play? A new age of empire?
Riddle me that you bastards.
Funny you’d mention the origin of accents in a post about beer: those two are closely linked in some cases.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk….
Side note Corona changed its name to Coronita in Spain to avoid a name clash with the monarchy. However the best beer in Spain is Moritz not owned by the same Budweiser Brazuco Belgium Ambev conglomerate.
Yes blue collars of America, the owner of Budweiser is Brazilian. XD
Adderall fridays?
More over how was Corona presenting the Komune Pro and not good old Bintang?
I don’t think the ‘tang has much market penetration into the areas where the majority of viewers for these events live.
People are drinking newcastle brown. Hahahahahaha poor fucking sods. Jesus is weeping. I am crying.
US of A, the land that beer taste forgot hahahaha
Corona obviously tastes better in Fiji than in Bali .
Aussie squeal is lazy, so is pidgin. Happens all over.
For dark beer drinkers’ edification: Newky Brown pales in comparison to a Scottish brew called ‘Old Jock’. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Yea – and tastes like it’s been strained through a jock strap, too.
Never again for me, cb.
No way. Old Jock is awesome. But one must be of a strong constitution to drink it. (Read: semi / full alcoholic)
Newcastle Brown is not same when not served from a tap in a decent pub, in the UK. I’ve had it in the little bottles in the States and it’s nothing like the real deal.
Holy fuck; the wild nights on Newcastle Brown I’ve had in Liverpool…
what a nasty hangover too.
McEwan’s Scotch Ale will put hair on your chest. (8.0 ABV)
Newcastle (4.7 ABV) is for green haired feminist theory majors who want to accessorize their Sex Pistols t-shirts and remain sober enough to stay woke against the patriarchy.
* Turf Toe = Tub Surf Toe*
Kelly got Turf Toe because of the Surf Ranch. I’m not a doctor. I’m also not blind. The static nature of the tub is akin to artificial turf for NFL players. NFL players get turf toe b/c of repeated play/practicing on artificial turf. Same actions. Over and over and over and over again. It doesn’t go away till the athlete gets a break from artificial turf/surf. The new air section does not alleviate the problem. Kelly healed quick cause he didn’t surf the tub. No tub toe.
It’ll flare up again at WSL Surf Ranch CT Event. Mark my words.
Kelly’s podiatrist probably recommended on the medical chart that P/T oceanic waves. Restrictions: noceanic surfing.
This should give other pros reason to pause.
How much cocaine did you rail to come up with this ?
And how far up that web do you have to go before you see that both booze companies are owned by another shell company… and so and so forth to see the surf brands also owned by same?
Am I wearing a tinfoil hat or is my baldy head just shiny?
🎶The futures so bright, I got to wear shades.🎵
No apostrophe in Jefferys Bay. It’s okay; it only made you look a little retarded.
So we just padding the fuck out of his return story until 2nd July right??
Buoyed by the dubious success of Cocaine, yet somewhat masochistically jealous of Travis the Fails caning by bg posters, Chas has decided to take a page out of his book by trying to link two unrelated ideas and not providing a link at all !
It’s a true master stroke and deserving of scorn and mockery.
I will sleep well tonight knowing that Chas is hard at it – plumbing the depths of surf journalism
This is all Laird’s fault. He inspired the series story. Laird made Chas a serial snarker. Laird is the Snark King FFS!
Auto up for The Snark King
Our boys a trier tho.
Is your next post the secret strategy? I thought you were leading into the fact that he has been bathing in corona, using cold corona ice packs, heated corona presses on the tarsals – so am left Chas massively disappointed in the research
Hey???!!!!
I’m not retarded Chas!!!
I’m reserved and intense… at same time!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Inbev is the AmBev too
Bunch of shit and SOB
Is the group that in Brazil to reduce their manufacturing costs and give a shit beer to consumer, cutting 45% of malt to put transgenic corn and rice… receiving fiscal isentions by praticing lobby and corruption in the senate and deputy chamber.
My bottled urine is better than the shit produced by this fucking corruptors…
https://www.ambev.com.br/so…
https://i0.wp.com/cervejari…
Left= “Adjunct” lager. Basically most big name American yellow piss beers.
Right= Beer
Modelo is good. I don’t know about the rest of this.
All the NYC hipsters were drinking Modelo Especial last time I was there. It was weird!
oh. huh. does it cost a billion dollars there? i remember being somewhere on the east coast and coronas were like, absurdly priced.
I imagine but I don’t know for sure, as I was being fuckin’ classy drinking cocktails
it is good to be classy sometimes. modelo is my taqueria beer and it is good.
Grupo Modelo is owned by Constellation brands, acquired from AB InBev in 2013.
The Search > Research
I agree with jordy sounding retarded, but is that politically correct?
Yes. It is politically correct. It sounds politically motivated. Politics are retarded. Like Jordy’s motivation.
I think the so cal bro drawl sounds more retarded, but that is even more p incorrect.
ever heard sally fitz ? she needs therapy
Sally is the female Jordy.
Little bit long in the tooth and about to get mowed down.