For a contest two years away in a Japanese beachbreak…
Right now, I’m looking at a presser from Surfing Australia. The headline, and it’s a doozy, reads, “Opening Three Days of Surfing Australia’s National Squad Olympic Readiness Training Camp at WSL KS Surf Ranch a Success”
Impressive, yeah?
Two three-day blocks of exclusive “training sessions” at Surf Ranch. With coaches, shapers, surfers. The whole entourage is over there. And it poses one really fucking big question. Why the fuck is Australia’s Olympic squad training for a contest that’s going to be held in two year’s time in a two-foot Japanese beachbreak at a long, slow wave-pool point?
Think about it.
Who’s paying for all the tickets? The hotels? The rental cars? The pool? What’s the total budget? Every single airfare is a couple of grand from Australia. It makes no fucking sense whatsoever.
Unless.
Unless.
It’s a WSL marketing exercise. Are they trying to put pressure on the ISA and IOC to use that pool for the Olympics? Why else would you be training in a pool? It’s the worst training you could do for Chiba. For fuck’s sake, send ’em to Chiba and train over there. It’s a lot cheaper and a lot more relevant to go to Chiba and surf two-to-three-foot beachbreaks and work on their technique there instead of in long lefts and rights.
If you wanted instant improvement, wouldn’t you send the surfers to the American Wave Machines pool in Waco? Kelly’s pool is great, it looks beautiful, photogenic as hell, but I haven’t seen anyone surf there the best they can surf. At Waco, you can see the improvement in a day.
Six weeks ago, or whatever it was, the CEO of Surfing Australia, Andrew Stark announced he was leaving to become the WSL’s general manger for Australia and Oceania. He’ll also be working on “the development of the first WSL High Performance Training Centre in the region, leveraging the Kelly Slater Wave Pool Technology.
From the same presser, “Andrew started at Surfing Australia in 2009 when the organisation was very small, with 7 staff and less than $1 million turnover. 9 ½ years later under his strong leadership, the organisation is now a thriving business with nearly 28 full time staff turning over $7 million per annum. In July, they are opening the doors to the massively expanded $10 million High Performance Centre at Casuarina Beach.”
I get it. He’s real good at building bureaucracies. (Yeah, I’ve written about that before, too.)
So Australia’s got the finest facilities in the world and the biggest infrastructure. Except we’ve got no fucking surfers coming through the system. Australian competitive surfing is in a lot of trouble right now. It has become so sanitised through Surfing Australia that the really gifted surfers seem to shy away from it. People talk about the Brazilian Storm. It’s not a Storm it’s a fucking Brazilian earthquake.
And you know what comes after an earthquake? A tsunami. What we’re seeing is a tidal wave of Brazilians coming through. Who’s Australia got? Mikey Wright, Jack Robinson, maybe Ethan Ewing. We’re a dribble. There’s no substance.
And that’s what worries some of us older guys, people who’ve been amongst competitive surfing for a long time. It stands out like dogs balls. To see these huge bureaucracies grow, these millions of dollars spent, and no results.
Just fucking more and more motherhood statements and empty theatrics.
Fuck.
Great use of tax payer funds
Competitive surfing has jumped the shark in Australia.
The Alley Classic was on at Dbah (Not sure why it wasn’t at the Alley) on Sunday, taking the only workable bank in a frustratingly straight swell, full beach set up, PA with non-stop commentary talking up the future of surfing thanks to such and such sponsor, with I would guess maybe 6 spectators on the beach for the final which was contested by 4 surfers, 3 of whom I had never heard of and it looked like not a major sponsors sticker between the lot of them.
The bureaucracy earns more than the surfers they were supposedly established to support while the beach announcer throws out big thanks to the bureaucracy for their hard work in getting these contests organised and meanwhile I’m supposed to be thankful surfing a closeout listening to their bullshit on a Sunday afternoon.
Lucky bastard. Coolum had the QLD Masters Titles on. Fortunately, the bank which had been firing all week had given up the ghost, but they had claimed it and weren’t going to move the judges tent to where the better waves were. Two weeks ago, there was a QLD or Aust titles surf-ski contest on the only bank between Coolum and Sunshine, for two days…
The Masters PA was so bad, a song came on from The Celibate Rifles, (a band I roadied for for years), that I couldn’t recognise until it almost finished.
Fuck I think we were surfing the same bank, the bodyboard contest at Lovers was insult to injury.
I think Maurice and I may have a lot more in common than I first thought
Wright and Robbo coming up, I’m not sure where all this doom and gloom is coming from. I’m sure there are plenty of unheralded O’learys and Wades that are sitting in the wings waiting for a chance, might not be on the billabong ads beside the Creeds and Manners, but they’ll know how to win a heat!
I am sure that these guys and gals, who did not get invited to the Founders cup ,( let’s send a retired Mick and aging Joel instead ? ) Wade Carmichael , Connor O’Leary , Sally Fitz , Keely Andrew, Nikki Van Dijk and Bronte Macaulay are over the moon to get 3 days at Lemoore before the full blown CT event in September. Ps Brutus, Jack Robinson just one a heat in a QS outside Hawaii . Hallelujah.
ah there is hope if Jack can qualify !
Jack Robbo is a competitive surf hoax , get over it mate , if Trevor wasnt such a fuck wit , Jack would have gone to school learnt to spell , made it into the school surf team , joined the local boardriders learnt the formula and possibly be a threat to JJF on the CT , but ops thats right Trevor had his master plan !!
Jack is ready for the Ct , as he can compete with JJF or whoever at Pipe/Chopes etc…..his biggest problem is surfing crap waves on the QS.
we will see how Mikey goes at Chopes/Pipe etc….
Trevor is very different , he just needs to get a QS coach and job done !
In my less than humble opinionated fucking opinion. No government anywhere should be putting any money into any sports past, say, high school level.
They end up just shovelling tax-payers’ money straight into the coffers of private businesses for what? An opium of the masses.
Oooh new stadium for X football team. Fuck’em! If that PROFIT MAKING BUSINESS wants a new stadium, let THEM build it.
Same for surfing.
I detest the Olympics etcs. and to be honest I generally detest most of the sordid bell curve of human stupidity.
If we ALL put more of our efforts into solving a few actual problems instead of chasing greed and shiny trinkets….
ah FUCK vhfbhjbgf95$$@$€>^*~{~£!^?£*!,|£!?€!!!!
(Author’s note: I’ve broken a couple of ribs and am not a happy bunny esp at missing the last clean swell that rolled through. Expect more vindictiveness and expletive-filled rants)
I am in my fourth decade of FOMO on a good swell , fuck surfer’s are ridiculous. Bummer about the ribs.
Yeah, I’m ridiculous. After about 20 years of not surfing much I’m constantly frothing like a grom.
I’m not really understanding what the proposed alternative is? Compring to the ‘Brazilian earthquake’ (no denying) – I don’t think Brazil is sending their up and coming to the tank (or anywhere for that matter). Is that better ? Surfing Aus has been given some cash; why not use it ? Valid point to send to Japan but could you actually see that being fruitful for anyone ? Genuinely curious
When they Hire a new CEO , get one, that understands that all the money in the world and bucket loads of Bureaucrats does not get results.
The Coaches should be part of building new well funded Junior programs that concentrate on quality and not quantity , that’s why most young surfers would rather become “soul” surfers like Creed ,Ando etc…..why would you want to spend your youth bouncing around in shit waves , finally getting to the QS and realize the Brazilians are hungrier , and ya get spankings?
Management don’t want anyone coming through their turf with a better handle on things than they have, so as a result, decision making is left in the hands of backward thinking clowns, (ok-ed by the higher ups, in order to be able to apportion blame). It’s a well worn business model, FIFA/AFL being good examples. Hoarding cash/using it for shitty ideas instead, instead of giving back to the grass roots in order to continue the development of the youth. But, the justification is always “we’re doing really well, look how much money we have in the bank”.
Eventually though when there are no results , and return for the Govt’s /
Tax Payer $’s , will surfing in Australia become like tennis , once we ruled , but now we grovel .
$6m given to Surfing Australia for the Olympics , there’s a big expectation for a medal ,Starky is bailing as he knows we won’t win a medal , but is now using the Olympic $’s to promote the WSL/K-pool
Exactly. The people with the real power, move on before the shit hits the fan. The number of times there is a ‘movement’ at the top of a corporation followed by a complete plummet to the depths, (on the back of previous leaders decision making), is staggering. And often as not, the clowns end up ducking and weaving in the next job, and the next, while someone else cleans up…
SWALLOW THE MONEY!!
Uh… FOLLOW the money!!
I respectfully posed this very question to MR a few days ago on his insta post that he put up .(Ewing’s wave).
No love back?
The fucked up thing is the issue is not a lack of good surfers here imo. As MC says they seem to shy away from it. Why?
Comp surfing ain’t enjoyable, it’s stressful… it’s expensive to get there… and only a very small % make it and get any return … so why risk it? If you spend your teens and 20’s chasing the QS, don’t make. You wake up at 30 taking on a pest control apprenticeship because you’re broke and completely unskilled in anything else. Maybe a clever kid will soon just use surfing to make a side-buck off free surf content, and not chuck all their eggs in one basket…
Seems the brazzos take the risk..Probably because they have less..opportunities etc.
imnsho – at this level, it’s the 6″ or so between the ears.
You have to want it more than the other guy. It’s down to mongrel attitude.
Cardosos win at ulus for example. He just wanted it more.
Julian combo’d to the max at chopes and gone for all money – but he fukkn wanted it, he wanted to beat Medina and had the skills to do it.
It ain’t blowing smoke up their arse, that’s for sure. If that worked then Kolohe and Jordy would’ve been champs long ago – it’s that “fuck it all”will to win.
How do you teach that – I dunno.
You can’t teach it. You can help a surfer to find it, if it’s there. You might be doing them a favour helping them realise when it’s not.
Need to bring back the Rip Curl STOMP tour. Get these groms on the road surfing some real waves
Amen MC!
They wouldn’t get much change from $100,000.
Surely there is better ways to spend that money. Pretty sure the States would rather see that funding go elsewhere….
That Waco wave pool is remarkably close (by Texas standards) to the former Branch Davidian compound.
And ain’t it a thing that, in all those clips, no one has touched that angle. We thought it would’ve been eaten up in the first instance. Tried to get one co to let us wrap their clip in a Branch Davidian narrative but they found the idea contemptible. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
The David Koresh song “Mad man in Waco” is begging to be used for a highlight reel. Stacking clips takes on a new meaning.
It’s a crime that nobody upvoted this comment. Bravo, sir.
I guess that’s the issue with making comments after everyone has moved onto the next article.
8 year later ; I see YOU, Mapski… and your elite-level humour.
Wake up and smell the coffee People!
Or is that smoke?
Yeah Australia needs to look after it’s entitled young surfers and big business before helping refugees… Seriously what the fuck has this country become? There was a glimmer of hope and now… fucked again.
When was this glimmer of hope you refer to?
2007-2013, or any pre Dutton era.
I believe you have a book about it
About Surf Ranch?
You want hope? Buy a house down here and vote for me in the local election. I’m going to rough this place up a bit. I just bought an old tractor that I’m going to ride up and down Gilbert Street until they have to sedate me. No more moon tails Maurice you fuck wit. I’ve had enough!
if you have a trailer with some hay bales and a dozen buff, shirtless men wearing arseless chapps, you will probably get a police escort.
ah so you are Rose Hodge !
Mate if you knew where I lived you’d understand that I couldn’t move to the zoo.
Marine Layer Productions.
72! No to Vietnam , Medicare , Access to tertiary education, end of the white Australia policy, funding for the arts ……….etc . Now we are a super rich country ( compare the houses at the beach compared to what was there a generation ago ) but we can’t afford to send a group for a week to prepare for the Olympics ? Bollocks .
Hucking all the way to the left? Nothing wrong with the money being spent on surfing imo…. but maybe could have milked a bit more longevity out of it than 1 week worth of fun fodder… but what a gorgeous nation that we can spill, what would it have been $100k?, on a week of wave dancing and it’s really just a drop in the budgetary pond!! What a time to be alive and Australian I say!!
It was better when no one gave a fuck about us.
They spent a whole lot more just to work out in 2018 it’s ok( as it should be ) for gay couples to marry ?
Sounds great if you’re attached to that teat.
We can spend 100k on pool vacay’s for little or no return but we’ll cut the penalty rates of the lowest paid people in hospitality. 100k may be a drop in the ocean but the ocean isn’t even ours anymore. This country has gone to the fucking dogs mate.
Good little gravy train though, you have to admit that.
We should be a shoo-in for the first Olympic Gold Medal in milking the taxpayer to publicly fund a worse than useless gravy train that delivers no results.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… And who are we to deny anyone a lovely holiday? Here, me, happy as a lark, at my own junket to Surf Ranch!
happy daze!
is that bald visage hunched over and glowering in the background Nicolas Carroll?
Maybe yes!
His hunch is actually a cower.
NC maybe many shitbag things but coward is not one of them.
doesn’t that prove that taxpayer funds would be better spent on satisfying the more immediately realisable goal of making intermediates happy?
why wear a leash in a pond. 4 ft @ 415 seconds
Compulsory!
Don’t think you were being directly funded by the US / Aus tax-payers were you?
That is the difference, yes.
I need to contact Greg Webber yesterday. Can you facilitate? Private message me please.
Is this a sex thing?
Watersports!
Brutal Brutus!
I thought it was a wavy train?
I love your work.
it’s the missing chromosome
the real problem here is that funds for the Olympics are being used to spruik the WSL/K-pool .
The CEO who OK’d the spend in the K-pool , will become the head of the WSL in Australia . talk about a conflict of interest , and fraudulently using Aust Tax payers money to promote the Starky’s new business venture!
I agree it is fundamentally unsound.
The real question is why are you so happy surfing is so mainstream and are happy to have any fucking goverment involvement in surfing, is this what you wankers from the start of pro surfing aleays wanted to be main stream just like table tennis and synchronised swimming.
God dam man what happened to the rebel.
I am not happy about mainstream surfing , but it’s the way of the new world order , mediocrity rules , once upon a time surfers were their own brand , then the Industry wanted control over the suffers , offered more money to become 100% sponsored by the brand , and were absorbed into the brand …and there starts the beginning of the end , of another beginning…..there was a vision of surfers controlling the world, which was bought out by the surf Co’s , who in turn made their mega millions , and left the next generations empty marketing vehicles like QikBong…….so still calling it as I see it , Industry hates me as do the bureaucrats……..the rebel still exists , but part fossilised now!
The Brazilian Storm is getting non of that, matter of competence