A vile plan to repress The Great White North!
The World Surf League and Red Bull have had a notoriously frosty relationship though it does seem to have entered a detente. In less than two weeks, in France, the two will jointly host Red Bull’s Airborne, a version of the re-popularized air format. The WSL describes thusly:
For the first time in history, the World Surf League (WSL) will be hosting an aerial specialty event combining a cross-section of the world’s best surfers from the elite Championship Tour with a global field of specialists for the Red Bull Airborne France this October.
Josh Kerr, former Championship Tour (CT) surfer and universally-regarded as one of the most progressive aerialists in the history of surfing, is one of the co-developers of the Red Bull Airborne France and will serve as Event Director in October.
The Red Bull Airborne France will feature an 18-man field across six qualifying heats and a Final, and will run in conjunction with the Quiksilver Pro France – the 9th Stop on the 2018 WSL Championship Tour.
Two remaining spots for the Red Bull Airborne France will be determined via an online submission site at wslairborne.com. The submissions will be judged by a panel including Event Director Josh Kerr, former CT stalwart and progressive surfing deity Taj Burrow, Ventura innovator Tim Curran and Santa Cruz’s aerial virtuoso Jason “Ratboy” Collins. The most deserving contestants — one surfer over 18 and one under 18 — will be awarded a spot in October’s competition.
Would you like two be one of the wildcards (enter here)? Do you have what it takes? Well, if you would like and do have what it takes but are also Canadian then there are extra hoops for you to jump through. Shall we read the fine print?
Winner Notification: The Winners will be notified by email, on or about September 16, 2018 and must acknowledge receipt of Sponsor’s notification within 48 hours. All decisions of Sponsor are final. All selected Winners are subject to verification of eligibility and compliance with these Official Rules and will be required to sign a Declaration of Eligibility, written acceptance of agreement to these Official Rules, as well as enter into an Athlete Agreement and other requisite documentation in order to participate in the Event. In addition, potential winners from Canada, if any, will be required to correctly answer a mathematical skill-testing question without aid or assistance before being declared a winner.
What the hell WSL? What is this sort of punitive slap at The Great White North? It seems aimed at making sure that Canadian surf aerial specialists are both disenfranchised and shamed into not competing. Imagine winning one of the coveted wildcard spots. Imagine you have put it all together, the best airs of your life, and you’re set to go to France to compete both with and against your heroes. Then imagine an official from the World Surf League knocks on your Tofino door (or Vancouver, Toronto, Winnipeg… wherever your Canadian dream home is) holding a mathematical skill-testing question. This WSL official takes your phone and any calculators away, clicks her stopwatch and says, “Begin.”
Would you pass? I wouldn’t. I would fail even if the mathematical skill-testing question was 6 x 7.
And now we have a very real scandal on our hand.
What do you have against Canada, WSL?
I need answers and I need them now, eh.
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Fuckin’ eh buddy!
Oh isn’t that the daddy of all dad jokes. Nicely done pops!
540? 360? Or 720?
I would be pushing for English/Mother Tongue, grammar and interview skills, and a lower level of religion as prerequisites in any screening pre event!!!
Nothing to do with Aircanada’s recent hack? They need to be sure now in the most polite way possible without offending or discriminating anyone or thing. Nothing new here in the great white north – now if we could just get the pipelines built..
The question is the very complicated and mysterious, “Whats 20,000 x $10?”
I’d say it’s about geometry:
Is there 360° in a circle? 720? More?
Révolutions ? Though it’s possible there is more than 180 degrees in a love triangle ?
We know a thing or two about revolutions. It’s a full circle!
Why do Canadian women like to get rooted from behind? So they can watch the hockey game too.
Years ago, the Bloodhound gang said it in a more classy way:
“And then we’ll do it doggie style
So we can both watch X-Files”
You and me baby we ain’t nothin’ but mammals ….
I actually heard it as why do Canadian chicks like to get fucked from behind? I thought I WAS making it a bit more noice.
Is the WSL implying that Canadian surfers are stupid? I thought that they were just unable to paddle out without making a video and knew absolutely nothing about surfing prior to the Momentum era ….
Upvote because I absolutely detest the momentum era !
In a 2018 surfer article Canadian Surfer Pete Devries proves without doubt he can count to 4:
“The waves we usually surf broke maybe 3 or 4 times this year. We haven’t had those big low pressure systems that we need.” So he can probably count and answer 40something or whatever ? If not he has a friend call Noah Cohen who could help him as everyone knows Cohens can count ?
Cohen… interesting last name.. this helps in high places.
First we take Manhattan , then we take Berlin ? Or being from Malibu you might prefer Jackie Treehorn ?
How do think a Canadian Orcas vs state residents of Hawaii math contest would turn out?
Fishy ?
If Obama still lived there the Islands would crush it but Fred Hemmings doesn’t seem like a numbers type ….
I once had a dream that Fred was old school Hawaii 5 0 Steve and Tom “Pohaku “Stone was Danno ? And in my dream Pohaku said “ Book him Steve murder one “ ?
In Martin Luther King voice everyone. “I had a wet dream..”last night.
Weaving through a nice right hand barrel in my dream. Vivid with a little chandelier at the end. Came out with enough speed to cruise out the back. I woke up thinking when I’m to old to surf proper. I hope I can harness surfing and dreams.
Keep the dream alive bro . Ah the chandelier ending is much more dreamy than the doggy door .
Too high of a white population!
Great whites?
No white men…the enemy of the controlling class.
WSL: “What does 6 X 7 equal?”
Canadian: “Hockey”
This question was answered in the Hitchhikers Guide.
Of mice and men and aliens ?
42! The answer to life the universe and everything!
Chas’ reference a coincidence? I think not… Something big is afoot.
Great book . Unfortunately I never read it when my adolescent photographic memory was in full swing . Sadly aging , like not really want to risk a year out of the water for a failed air attempt ,is forgetting?
I remember my memory fondly. Barely.
I fondled my bare member ……….oops memory
One of my favourite geek gags! Kinda of relevant again with AI (not Andy) rearing its head.