Travel and accommodation not included.
A few days ago, his serene highness Prince Albert II held the second annual Monte Carlo Gala for the Ocean. The ball holds out its collection tray “in order to support its worldwide initiatives in favor of a sustainable ocean, a crucial issue calling for immediate and collective action.”
Juicy meats are served and there’s a sprinkling of zingy stars.
And to raise cash, various celebrities offer “experiences”, as we call them now. These included “a magical afternoon of riding horses through the forest and the beach along the Atlantic Ocean with Madonna”, a customised electric powerboat, diamond watches, a Jeff Koon sculpture, vacations on mega-yachts and, you’ll like this, two hour-long sessions with Kelly Slater at Surf Ranch.
“Test the latest wave profiles that Slater and his team have developed, plus spend the day with other surfers from around the world. Your day at Surf Ranch includes: light breakfast, lunch, and dinner, additional activities including skate bowl, SUP, wakesurfing and more, video footage of all waves of the day, in water photographer capturing great moments. Travel and accommodation is not included.
The auctioneer didn’t fuck around.
The starting bid for Kelly’s pool time was €100,000. Fifteen seconds later it was sold, after one single bid, for €500,000 or almost 600k US.
Madonna, if you were wondering, hit 400k.
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Does this mean free Michelob draft piss Organic, all day?
Oh, it was a horse I was supposed to ride WITH Madonna? I didn’t understand it that way. How can I get a refund?
We really don’t have any idea do we
The whole thing is further evidence that surfing is subservient to social change in Western economies. Once surfing was driven by a kind of economic egalitarianism, the product of a post-war world in which the parents of the Baby Boom were able to earn a decent living from a stable lifelong job. Since then, Western economies have driven an increasing inequality of wealth; not long after the GFC, this inequality tipped into the operations of the normal world. Thus now the super-rich have leaped into this once quite middle-class pastime and begun trying to shape it to their will. Rich people employ well known surfers to scout surf trip locations. They park giant yachts off Tahiti and Fiji, and buy surf resorts, wave pools, and the entire professional surfing tour. They pay 500,000 euros to help the Ocean — correction, they pay 500,000 euros to hang out with Kelly at his pool, while the Ocean just sorta ticks over, at the mercy of global capital.
It is very important that we continue to surf nonetheless, because yopu know what, rich as these people may be, when they paddle out, they’re nothing more than you or me.
“when they paddle out, they’re nothing more than you or me.”
Except that they won’t paddle anymore. They will use electric surf, they’ll surf in pools, use jetskis… Rich people’s imagination has not more limit than their wealth.
Wait til they start employing snipers to ensure their spot in the lineup. That NZ incident will seem a carefree and innocent jape.
They could just shut the gate like they have at Hollister Ranch for donkey’s years. F’in Donkeys !
Do we lay down an accept this possible future path or do we fight back or should we try to find an alternative future direction for the act of riding waves ?
I think just let ‘em go at it, rich people aren’t gods and their money can make them do foolish and very funny things, and let’s face it they aren’t gonna steal your waves since mostly they cannot paddle very well. So sit back and enjoy the show I say!
Nick you’re reminding me of Fitzgerald – “They were careless people, Tom and Daisy—they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”
I think of Fitzgerald every day!
Terry?
While living in Bali a few years back, a friend was employed to ferry a high-profile movie star around to surf destinations. He asked said star about his competency and got the “Man, I’m from California, I surf all the time…” jazz.
Took star to Ulu, as there was a solid 4′-6′ swell running. Thought he was going to be the one explaining how star drowned/disappeared.
Never got the name out of home, but I always suspected Adam Sandler.
Calming advise . Cheers 🍻
Some like sheep , some donkeys but have you ever dated ( even for one day ) GOAT BOY? ( a wonderful character from that deceased comic genius Bill Hicks )
Perhaps Madonna gives you a horsey-back ride?
“Wave profiles”??!!!!
Poolgrit.
As they say “A foul and his money well soon part”.
Thanks to Kelly, surfing seems to becoming more uncool all the time, which may be a blessing in disguise.
Ok, it is was me.
I shelled out 600k so I could see for myself.
Unless I truly know the experience of both the Nocean, and Kelly’s firm guiding hands, I cannot possibly criticise either.
I’ll send a postcard.
You sold us out uncle channelbottom.
Youre no more than a Yesocean.
What does that even mean?
Frank Ocean?
Id rather watch twenty Rio’s than one wave ranch? Ok. Ten.
11’s Ocean. (Assuming Kelly never goes to the beach again).
Whatevs Yoko Ono
Yeah, I think I’m more ‘Yokel Oh-no’
We’re all doomed anyway. Live a little!
Enjoy a cup of nestle coffee. It’ll pep you right up. Tastes like aquaduct.
That’s a nice Roman bridge full of troubled waters ?
I can see it now. The bidder, with family in tow driving on the road to Surf Ranch.
One of the bidder’s children points at the Beach Grit billboard.
Child: “Daddy, what’s a beach grit?”
Bidder: “I don’t know son. But I guess it’s okay if we like it too.”
Child: “That woman has a cool looking surfboard!”
Bidder: “It’s cool dude!”
Fast forward to Kelly walking up with his surfboard under his arm.
Child: “Hey Kelly! I think you put your fins in backwards.”
Kelly: “That was a funny cheap shot you little character you!”
Child: “Hey Kelly! I like Beach Grit too!”
This is a work of art. Are you from Hollywood?
Nah, just a know-nothing, done-nothing, chickenshit loser loosed in the hallways of the Beach Grit comments.
An anonymous chicken-shit loser! The worstest chicken-shit kine!
chicken-shit makes for great fertilizer. We’re just trying to help Ben grow as a person.
Hush child.
He can sense attention.
He’s gone dude.
Check the Magnum thread. He’s deleted almost everything.
I suspect he was manic, and then crashed.
Really hope he’s OK.
He has so much potential to be a good guy and fine ‘Gritter.
Oh, good.
is “gritter” small shiny things?
best keep a low profile or you might end up on a billboard in bumblefuck nowhere..
I’m on Beach Grit. If my profile was any lower, I’d be underneath the coffee table.
Butterfly affect, ever powerful and always looming
You can buy a 1kg block of Coon tasty at woolie’s for $9.50 then sculpt your own masterpiece. I suggest a base of nacho cheese corn chips, topped with sour cream and jalapenos. Nuke for 1:30 then presto
And significant change from six hundred thousand dollars!
Maybe we join forces and buy one fence paling from Julian’s pad?
Or a thimble of water from the pool ?
Coon , now there’s a PC chunka of whitish racism?
Cheese marketing must be all about racism. Remember the Mainland Colby ads were about how dumb the kiwis were
I must have a Jeff Koon sculpture so I can surprise unsuspecting guests by saying “Oh my! There is a coon in my hallway! Come see!”.
Wow. I won’t even pay $10 to watch the stab high highlights
Twenty thousand surf fans already did! Industry abuzz with news that Stab High was seven times bigger, broadcast-wise, than WSL’s best day all year. Story to come.
Roflmao ……
With all this love flowing Stab’s way , I am sensing a merger or future collaboration ? Monster money ain’t bitcoin ?
keep poking, you’re on to something
Monster’s “Gritty Bats” rebel tour ?
hmmm…20k paid the full rate or only stuck around for the first round that was free then bailed for more Vodka and Coco Aloe water over ice?