"All I remember was seeing Chip getting head-locked by that security guard. He (Chippa) was sitting down talking to someone, there was some debacle, and then Chippa was in a headlock. My instant reaction was to put him in one and then, before I knew it, I was in one. It was a trilogy of headlocks." | Photo: @kaelwalsh

Harry Bryant on Waco Stoush: “People thought I was going to jail!”

Lovely Australian surfer Harry Bryant explains his good-natured choke of Waco pool security guard.

Two days ago, at the conclusion of the very good Stab High aerial event, a clip surfaced of a security guard being hosited away from Chippa Wilson by Harry Bryant who was subsequently taken away by a third choker.

“This is fucking bullshit,” Chippa says to the security guard.

“We’re here for the love,” says Jay Davies, at which point Harry carts off the surprised security guard.


Harry Bryant, if you didn’t know, is a twenty-one-year-old Australian with a bushy hairdo and albino moustache that twinkle like glitter on a burlesque dancer’s corset. Haz was in New Jersey showing a rough cut of his film Orb when BeachGrit called to discuss the event.

“All I remember was seeing Chip getting head-locked by that security guard. He (Chippa) was sitting down talking to someone, there was some debacle, and then Chippa was in a headlock. My instant reaction was to put him in one and then, before I knew it, I was in one. It was a trilogy of headlocks. No one was hot-headed or wanted to fight. It was all in good spirits. It was hilarious. I think a lot of the American folks were shocked at the Australian way of life. We were all having so much fun, everyone was one the beers all day, and the Americans were a bit eye-opened by that. Me and Jay and all those boys were having a slap contest, slapping each other in the face, stuff that you do when you’re an Australian. You’re not fighting your mates. It was blown out of proportion. People thought I was going to jail. I had a smile on my face the whole time.”

The aftermath?

“Straightaway me and Chippa went and sat him down, apologised and told him we were just having a good time and that we didn’t mean any harm. He said, ‘Yeah, no worries.’ and it was all sweet again.”

I mention that it was more a feisty embrace than, say, a front naked choke

“I didn’t think my arms were big enough to get around a rig like that,” says Haz. “When a bunch of Australians are on the cans all day, something like that is going to happen. No one’s aggressive. No one wants a biff.”

Harry says that America can be a troublesome place for an Australian.

“You can get into a lot more trouble for little things. Even just walking down the street in the evenings and needing to do a piss, you have to go to a public toilet. But there’s no public toilets ’cause all the bums sleep in them. Even drinking a beer in the passenger seat in a car you can get in trouble for. In Australia it’s a way of life. People coming home from work will stop at the bottle-o and buy a long neck for the drive home. It’s so natural in Australia. Of course, you have to respect the rules in other countries but when you’re not aware of the rules, you can run into a lot of trouble.”

Jake Gyllenhall (pictured) starred in the film Zodiac and was born Dec. 19 giving him a D.
Jake Gyllenhall (pictured) starred in the film Zodiac and was born Dec. 19 giving him a D.

Revealed: Your surf ability dictated by the stars!

Unlock your secret potential today!

How many mornings a week do you paddle out and have a surf of which you are proud? Like, whacking the lip and getting little tubes and well-timed wraps that don’t bog? One day a week? Three days a month? Less?

I feel we are mostly frustrated with our abilities. Not frustrated, maybe, but also not generally wowed. Just muddling along, trying to improve while also being resigned to never really improving.

It’s a hard knock life, for us, and we blame ourselves or should. The grown woman blaming her board is ugly. The grown man who flips his board upside down to examine his fins after an ill-timed wrap that did bog is ugly.

Our skill-level, for better or worse, is our personal cross to bear.

Or is it?

Recent studies suggest that the stars are responsible and let us turn to an astrological analysis from the esteemed Elle magazine.

Inspired by the primordial elements of life, water, air, earth and fire, zodiac signs CAN tell us a little bit about someone’s broad characteristics. Furthermore, astrology can give away information about a person’s strengths and weaknesses (we all know how important it is to be aware of both!), hobbies, interests, as well as best sports to pursue, be it surfing, martial arts, hiking or rock climbing. That being said, please remember that you are the only one responsible for your decisions and should always aim to break out of your shell.

So? Which signs are best for surfing?

Aires (March 21 – April 19):

Due to their competitive nature, Aries are easily put off by sports they are not so good at. Focus, strength and determination are their key assets, which is why high-energy sports fit them like a glove. Martial arts, boxing, motorcycle riding and outdoor activities are something Aries are drawn to.

Grade: D

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Unlike the previous sign of the zodiac, Taurus individuals usually don’t like speed and danger all that much. Competition is not something they’re particularly drawn to either. Earth is their dominant element, and they’re all about having fun, socializing and being close to nature.

Grade: F

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

The first air sign of the zodiac, Gemini are characterized by duality. Don’t take it the wrong way, if harnessed just right, this can be turned to their advantage. They are generally curious, intelligent individuals who love a good debate.

Grade: D

Cancer (June 21 – July 21)

A water sign, Cancer is symbolized by the crab – with a rough outer shell but vulnerable on the inside. Sensitive, romantic, compassionate, Cancers are great at team sports but at the same time, they have a tendency to quickly retreat into their shells, which is why they are often called ‘crabby’ persons.

Grade: D

Leo (July 22 – August 22)

Born under a fire sign, Leos sure are fiery, fierce, overflowing with energy. Sparkling, courageous and very active, they believe in strong personal values. Their competitive nature makes them capable of great achievements.

Grade: D (from personal experience)

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Virgos are often considered more intellectual than active, but truth be told, they can take up any sport. Dominated by the earth element, they are detail-oriented, calculative and can sometimes take their organization habits a tad too far.

Grade: D

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Intense effort is not the Libras’ thing, so sports are not as exciting for them. If they do choose to practice a sport, it should provide some benefits, keep them healthy and maintain their silhouette.

Grade: F

Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)

Scorpios are a force of nature. Passionate and assertive, their minds are just as strong as their bodies. Very determined, they love to be in control. Therefore, they can be ruthless competitors.

Grade: D

Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21)

One of the most athletic zodiac signs, those born under the Sagittarius sign love anything that gets them moving. Freedom is the word that best describes them – nudist beaches, wild camping, horse riding; all of these spell excitement.

Grade: D

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Capricorns love spending time by themselves. An earth sign, they are practical persons, disciplined and dedicated. Their symbol is the mountain, the peak that has to be conquered. Indeed, they do feel the need to break their limits and embark on a slow but determined ascension, either on the social ladder or in whatever area of their life they choose to focus on.

Grade: D

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

An air sign, Aquariuses are independent individuals with a great sense of humor. Explosiveness and freedom best characterize them, as they are nonconformist, curious, rebellious souls that easily get excited about anything.

Grade: C

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Water is their element, and Pisces feel comfortable performing any water-based activity. Intuitive, artistic, sometimes overly trusting, Pisces oscillate between optimism and pessimism.

Grade: D

Well hell. Thanks a lot, lucky stars.

Tonight: Hollywood does Hawaii and surf culture… again!

Most importantly, how do you feel about facial/body hair?

Were you a big fan of the Tom Selleck vehicle Magnum P.I.? With the Hawaiian shirt and the moustache and the red Ferrari? I’ll tell you the truth here. I wasn’t but not because I didn’t want to be but only because it first aired in 1980 and I was simply too young.

I was certainly a fan of Tom Selleck, as pinned to my 4th grade teacher’s wall all hirsute tugging on his panties I think. This was pre-#MeToo remember when women teachers could pin hirsute men on their walls with no blowback.


Anyhow, back to Magnum P.I. Wikipedia describes the plot as:

Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV is a private investigator played by Tom Selleck. He resides in the guest house of a 200-acre (81 ha) beachfront estate called Robin’s Nest, in Hawaii, at the invitation of its owner, Robin Masters, the celebrated, but never-seen, author of several dozen lurid novels.Ostensibly this is quid pro quo for Magnum’s services based upon his expertise in security; the pilot and several early episodes suggest Magnum had done Masters a favor of some kind, possibly when Masters hired him for a case. The voice of Robin Masters, heard only a few times per season, was provided by Orson Welles (one last “appearance” was provided by a different actor, Reid Crandell).[citation needed]

Magnum lives a luxurious life on the estate and operates as a P.I. on cases that suit him. The only thorn in the side of his near-perfect lifestyle is Jonathan Quayle Higgins III, played by John Hillerman. An ex–British Army Sergeant Major, he is on the surface a stern, “by-the-book” caretaker of Robin’s Nest, whose strict ways often conflict with Magnum’s more easy-going methods. He patrols Robin’s Nest with his two highly trained “lads”, Doberman Pinschers named Zeus and Apollo. Magnum has free use of the guest house and the car, a Ferrari 308 GTS Quattrovalvole, but as a humorous aside in various episodes, often has to bargain with Higgins for use of estate amenities such as the tennis courts, wine cellar and expensive cameras.


Which is why Wikipedia is shit because is that a plot? But whatever. Hawaii, surfing and television. We’ve seen this dance before more recently with the hit show Hawaii 5-0 which is amazing because Scott Caan shreds (learn why here!) but Magnum P.I. It is getting rebooted tonight and the new star says:

One thing that is different is that it’s more action-oriented. How much of that do you get to do? And did you have to learn how to scuba dive and paddle?

I did. For the surf ski, I took one lesson. It’s pretty hard. And the day we shot it, it was rainy and windy, so non-ideal conditions but we got through it. The scuba diving scene in the original draft of the pilot was much more involved. It was like this whole fight scene that took place underwater. It was super-amazing, but it was just too crazy to shoot in the amount of time that we had, so it got cut.

What the hell is a surf ski?

Nick Carroll? Is this what you were telling me about?

More importantly, will you watch? The new Magnum P.I. is refusing to wear a moustache which I find abhorrent.

Which brings me to the real point of the post. How do you feel about facial/body hair? Tell me true.

rob bain
From oblivion to world domination! The miracle ride of Australian surfer Robbie Bain.

From the you-can-do-anything department: World Grand Wizard Rob Bain’s Miracle World Title!

It's a real tearjerker!

Life, as we’re all aware, can be violently extinguished or instantly ruined. Don’t matter if you’re the genius head of a trillion-dollar company or down at heel and milking lonely dads in stairwells, we’re all one breath away from oblivion.

The Australian surfer Rob Bain, who won the title of World Grand Surfing Wizard yesterday in the Azores, is one man who’s looked into the void, decided it wasn’t for him, and stormed back to take life by the horn, as they say.

Nine years ago, he snapped his neck surfing at North Avalon, a breezy sorta Sydney reef.

“It was the worst thing but it was also a beautiful thing,” says Rob.

Click below to listen to his story, knowing he was “broken inside” of “feeling like I was going to die” and of hearing the paramedics and the doctor arguing over what to do with his terrible injuries and the aftermath of a catastrophic injury.

Photo: WSL/Kirstin Scholtz

Breaking: Kelly Slater’s record 11 World Titles set to fall!

Is Rob Ba12n a longshot? What about Tom Carro13? Layne Bea19ly?

So here I was, minding my own business, taking care of some overdue housekeeping when a giant bomb dropped from the heavens and landed on my head. Not a literal bomb, of course, a figurative one but with such a blast radius that I immediately stopped the overdue housekeeping and came here, to you, for solace.

You know Kelly Slater, the greatest surfer to ever live, very good, etc. has won an unprecedented, unheard of even, eleven world titles over the course of his lengthy career.


It is so many world titles that I feel John John etc. are daunted and can leave the tour, satisfied after a few titles because 11 is obviously out of reach. Nobody is ever going to try and beat 11 because who has that sort of time on their hands?

Well, it was revealed today that winning one of the WSL’s new Masters and Grand Wizard events = one World Title. Don’t believe me? Here is a reputable news source then (I think reputable).

MORE than a decade after she won the last of a record seven women’s world surfing crowns Layne Beachley has returned to the water to snare an eighth title.

Beachley became the first female winner of a WSL world masters crown with her victory over Hawaiian Rochelle Ballard in the Azores as Australian surfers cleansweep every division.

The speciality event run by the WSL showcased the greats of world surfing with Beachley still boasting winning form 12 years after winning her seventh world tour title in 2006.


At first I was very upset with this seemingly unfair reality. A whole year of grinding out a World Title, surfing events around the literal world, not figurative world, vs. winning one event but then I thought about how old all the Masters and Grand Wizard surfers are and I suppose it makes sense? A Herculean effort?

Whatever the case, this is our new reality and Kelly Slater is left with few options. Either he gets into the Masters then Grand Wizard division and pads his bottom line or Rob Ba12n shirts are going to be popping up all over.

Or is Rob Ba12n a longshot?

What about Tom Carro13?

Tom Curr18?

Layne Bea19ly?

Ian C20rns?

Where was Ian Cairns during the Grand Wizards anyhow?

And who do you put your money on to break Kelly Slater’s heretofore unbreakable record? Besides Kelly.

Also, can anyone join the Masters or Grand Wizards? Asking for my 74 year old self.