A weekend guaranteed to change your life!
In two weeks the city of Los Angeles will host Worldz an event self-described as “…a global summit and community that unites tomorrow’s leaders with CEOs, CMOs & cultural icons to create the world of tomorrow. Our 2-day flagship summit is designed to connect, educate, and inspire you in both your personal and professional lives.”
These sorts of things confuse me badly as do most things business or business related. Is conference attendance a way to take two days off work while still getting paid? Do attendees actually expect to pick up useful information/make useful connections?
Should I be going to Worldz? Should you be?
It costs $1650 (regular), $2650 (VIP), $4650 (VVIP) if we purchase today. If we purchase tomorrow it will cost $200 more across the board.
There are very many speakers, almost too many to count, and amongst their rank are surfing’s best and brightest. What will they be speaking about? Let’s guess!
Sophie Goldschmidt: Chief Executive Officer at the World Surf League.
Sophie will spend her hour teaching tomorrow’s leaders how to alienate a core base while frustrating new potential partners. Would you like your business to fail vertically and horizontally? Ms. Goldschmidt is a must attend.
Sal Masekela: Commentator, Journalist, Musician, Producer, Connected Surf Groupie
Do you have famous surf friends and would you like the world to know that you have famous surf friends? Sal will help you navigate properly from loudly announcing that you just got an email from Kelly Slater to loudly taking a phone call from Kelly Slater. There will also be much talk about many other famous surf friends who really want to work with Sal on a variety of projects.
Stephanie Gilmore: 6x World Surfing Champion
Stephanie will explain how to surf with style to a room full of middle-aged Silicon Beach men who are excited about applying her insights to their lunchtime Venice Wavestorm sessions.
Kelly Slater: 11x World Champion, Entreprenuer
Whatever it is, it’ll be good. Kelly will also be forced to take a call from Sal Masekela after 11x missed calls. Sal will be in an adjoining room showing his attendees that he and Kelly are, in fact, friends.
I’m sure there are many, many more surf speakers but I seriously got carpel tunnel scrolling the list. You try here!
Four Loko should sponsor the brazilian tour stop, why? Ask the Chinese!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I supply the vessel, the hot water and the back up service so your pan hands can do their job Ben, You really should be more grateful….
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Is this guy the wizRD BEHIND THE CURTAIN?
RIP surfing, was nice to know you
Wait, isn’t Kelly going to be in Portugal on those dates?
His foot issues might be tied to his menstrual cycle, which could explain his sporadic attendance of WSL comps. Maybe The Laird™ warned him not to go near the ocean on certain inauspicious dates.
The “Z” at the end really gives the event some much needed “street cred”…
Funny one Chas
Sounds like the perfect Bullshit Bingo conference; Synergy! Win-win! Stakeholders! Ding-ding-ding
May I just calmly say that I CANNOT FUCKING STAND MISPELLED SHIT LIKE THIS.
“Worldz” etc.
I love playing with words too, but i feel irrationally angry about this kind of thing. I really am not entirely sure why.
Perhaps it was all the graffiti and little school book-scrawls of the mokes and titas who bullied me mercilessly in middle school.
“Luv u fo-eva, sista” “10-q hunee” etc.
Brutally, and willfully ignorant savages.
…
Thank you for your time.
This has been a public rant by Channelbottom.
Please tune in next week when CB vents about ‘fucking magpies’.
URBN
You Are Be’N Surf…
Probably making more than a contest win, with the accommodation and meals, etc.
Sorry I have been away. Cocaine hookers,strikes,central america is amazeballs right now. However I degrassi ( the early years) WTF is sophie goldstien doing?
I hate made up words that end in z.
Santa Cruz?
Kelly Slater hates a good buzz too.
Modern day pyramid scheme. Sell the idea of the business even if the business itself is a) over saturated b) under performing c) lacks tangible growth d) all of the above.
This is the sort of thing that happens about 18 months before a massive sharemarket crash.
Because everyone is investing in those South American work from home eco-touro-businesses?
If you watch the video above, you will see every single attendee at Worldz is a digital nomad
Except for Ben Marcus. He’s a digital mad.
I still maintain that I feel kinda sorry for that guy.
Unpopular call probably, but I think we could Anti-depressive him into being a nice guy.
The answer lies within you channelbottom.
channel b otto m
I remember BM saying he skipped grades 2 thru 6. I, otto, suggest those years between explain his behavior. Those years (approx. 8-12 yrs old) are really important for a child’s social skills development. If what he said is true then his predicament of being forced as an 8 yr. old to predominantly socialize with 13 yr. olds left him lacking skills to get along well with others. He probably had to be a dick just to survive with some semblence of ego left intact.
I suggest our approach start at a 3rd grade level of social interaction. Perhaps a game. Red Rover? If he refuses, he gets an atomic wedgie. Lock him in a school locker with used gym socks so he learns that it stinking socks to be locked up alone with your books. Any other ideas?
Or it could be he just enjoys being a fuckwit, in which case he deserves no mercy.
BG group hug!
i see him as my digital dad
I felt bad for about 2 seconds because I had already forgotten their ‘title’ and couldn’t for the life of me remember it. Thanks.
So anti-depressive! And I would but I’m gonna be in New York which is gonna feel amazing cuz all the buttholes who live in New York will be at Worldz in Los Angeles.
RZA and Rob Drydek too? Buying my VIP tix as we speak…
If Laird and Kai Lenny and Kai Lenny’s carrot aren’t going I’m not interested!
I reckon the Q&A sesh with the carrot would be relatively FASCINATING.
Do you think Mr Potato Head will be in attendance ? The carrot 🥕 could jump in a bath and explain the physical and emotional joy of osmosis as he / she passes from flaccid to turgid ? When asked “ Would you describe your performance as a representation of male sexuality ? Carrot replies “ Asking the hard questions first……….
You need your own radio show.
Thanks CB . Not being a right wing maniac like Hadley , Jones and Law , I can’t see the ratings going through the roof ?
RZA: (RZA walks on stage with a mic in hand)
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I’m the RZA. Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing Ta Fuck Wit!!! Thank you and good night.” (Drops the mic and walks offstage)
Whenever I see these kinds of events i immediately think “these fuckin tasteless, wannabe, hacks…” but then i wonder if they’re actually making things happen and this is the kind of bullshit that successful people do these days? Either way, fuck it.
I’m assuming they are like Tony Robbins talks – but for winners!
Surely they invited you to talk Chas? Oh they didn’t? The bastards!
They might have! I currently have 22,201 unread emails!
damn, you win! 11,555!
with any luck Sophie will share her flat earth beliefs forcing kelly to change his planned lecture to refuting goldsmith’s claims. she will then call bullshit on slaters foot and withdraw his injury wildcard for next year effectively making his retirement official. this will be reflected on in years to come as her best work while at the helm of the wsl ship.
Totally real! I mean… click the link!
I am wary of clicking links in gossip columns.
This one is hours of fun.
did you happen to see if Ben M has a spot?
10:45 Friday… the pinnacle of western civilization/1996 Surfer video awards.
12:15 Saturday… navigating duel careers, Dishwashing and surf journalism in the modern era.
Ha – #2 very good. And very similar.
Throw it all in the sink. The scum will rise to the top.
1:00 Saturday…what in the Worldz is that “z” doing there? Coping techniques when you’re under the spell of boredom.
I was going to say as an attendee or as a talker? But we already know the answer to that.