Watch before it’s too late: “Jaws is a pitbull the size of an elephant!”

But not as big as yesterday. So maybe a mid-sized elephant.

If you blinked, yesterday, you missed a very fine few minutes of professional big wave surfing. There were thrills, there were chills, there were spills and then the whole thing got called off so Kai Lenny could go and do this…

Was it the right call? We will never know but you had certainly better tune in right now because it may disappear again without warning, without hint or head nod.

But can we talk about Dave Kalama in the booth? I am a very big fan, I think. He’s got a sort of woodsy charm coupled with an inflection that sounds boozy. Like he has been up all night drinking before wandering into the booth. Right now he is talking about the size of bumps on the wave and… I’m just gonna spend a few seconds transcribing exactly what he says

“Yeah I mean the start of a boxing match, right? You don’t come swinging haymakers. You swing a couple jabs, seeing what the water’s like, seeing how the bumps are like…”

“If you stick your hand out the window going 40… now picture holding your surfboard out the window going 40. You can’t!”

Good yeah? Folksy and boozy.

Anyhow, let’s not waste any more time here. Click now and watch because who knows when mean ol’ dad Mike Parsons will shut it all down.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
21 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

So exciting
Go Malia you Ultra human

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

Who the fuck has time to watch these contests? A man’s gotta work or look after little people or some shit. I’ll try to catch some highlights.

Owen's Outgoing Tide
Owen's Outgoing Tide
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

cubicle hack

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
7 years ago

Kaipo has such a punchable voice.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
7 years ago

God it’s dull.

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

go wash your mouth out Chazz.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

You’re entertained?

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

did you see the two semi’s that just happened?

Were you not entertained?

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

I caught most of the 2nd. I have zero interest in straightlining or shoulder hopping. Or even the waves they make really.

The only thing I find entertaining is waves that mow them down and drops they’re too late on.

Kai Lenny is impressive as a surfer but comes across as a smarmy little fucker that’s impossible to like.

Commentary is classically horrendous.

So no, I was not entertained.

As I’ve said many a time, I’m sure it’s mindblowing in person but it’s utterly pish from here.

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

No accounting for taste.

I understand the disdain for big wave comps, but this is a whole ‘nother level.

After watching every heat of every comp this year I am extraordinarily jaded over the whole thing but I am finding this Jaws Comp incredibly stimulating.
It’s kind of gross how turned on I am by the whole thing.

I am right now drafting an email to Snips Parson begging him to get me on board as a scribe.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Good luck to you. It definitely has a PR problem.

If you do get a gig, how about a blanket ban on the phrase “another level”? There are only so many levels. It’s a vastly and grossly misused platitude.

And I can’t say I’m surprised you’ve reached saturation with the CT. It was a great innings.

Dung beetle
Dung beetle
7 years ago

Shit thank you Chazz I’ve been hoping somebody else shared my hatred for Kai Lenny. Completely baseless maybe but I can’t stabd the guy.

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
7 years ago

Chianca is operating on a whole different level. Very impressive

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
7 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

A fucken air no less.

slater thenewdonkey
slater thenewdonkey
7 years ago

I thought billy Kemper was dead after that horrendous upside down elevator drop he took midway through heat 1 yesterday. Same with Russel Birke. And then I thought Shane dorian was dead this morning after he took those 2 waves on the head after his insane fall. Shit is crazy.

Ghostface Braddah
Ghostface Braddah
7 years ago

Has it been proven that Dave Kalama is not Kai Lenny’s dad?

Owen's Outgoing Tide
Owen's Outgoing Tide
7 years ago

Kai: “air drop was no big deal”

hahahaha. amazing

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

why the tailpads on the big wave guns?

Theon Greyjoy
Theon Greyjoy
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom
dickie toledo
dickie toledo
7 years ago

wsl had a behemoth like cyber monday sale. 25, 40 maybe even 50 stories for the price of one.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
7 years ago
Reply to  dickie toledo

Ha!


21
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x