Wrong, Joel, 2.4 million!
The New Year begins, as it always should, with a blood feud involving tireless warriors, Joel Tudor and Kelly Slater.
Joel is a longboarder and grappler from San Diego. You’ll remember his role as the protagonist in these classics, Blood Feud: Joel Tudor and Noa Deane in creative battle royale!, Blood Feud: Joel Tudor vs The World, and Blood Feud: Kelly Slater vs Kelly Slater (part one) and Blood Feud: Joel Tudor vs Kelly Slater, part two.
Kelly Slater is the 11-time world champion and father of the modern-day wave machine. His blood feud opponents include, MMA fighter Paul Costa, “Serious haters“, flat-earthers, Hawaiian Airlines, the mourning fans of Gene Wilder, and the recently retired from surfing Mavericks, Ken Collins.
Earlier today, Kelly posted an excellent short clip of himself surfing what he says is the left at Velzyland, a wave popular with local Hawaiian surfers, advising his 2.4 million fans,
“Don’t tell anyone how good the left is at V-Land.”
A red rag was thus waved to Joel Tudor, who climbed aboard his keyboard to write,
“Way to tell a million people in one post you dork…”
Kelly’s fans responded:
“Hey Kelly Joeljitsu called you a DORK! Them’s fightin’ words!!!! How about you and Joel in the Octagon???!!?!? Pay per view???!?!?!? No holds barred??!?!?!? WSL and Red Bull to sponsor?!?!? I’d buy that for a dollar. Or not.”
“@joeljitsu – no worries, only 74k have seen it so far.”
“u called Jesus a dork.”
There were a couple of departures from the tidal wave of adoring comments, although these were rare.
“Instagram ruined surfing.”
“Dude but seriously @kellyslater @peterkingphoto WTF the place has become so overrun in the last 15 years… to the point where I don’t even surf it on a Saturday or Sunday we all don’t have wave pools to go run and hide from the crowds some of us have to rely on our local spot.. once again Instagram stealing the soul of surfing.”
To which the clip’s filmer, the wonderful Peter King, (who has enjoyed his own Blood Feuds) wrote: “Love that everyone believes you that it’s VLand.”
Which opens a new front.
Is it somewhere other than Velzyand and Kelly threw up a smoke bomb?
To which, one might ask, why?
Or is Peter trying to save the day, and perhaps his own skin, by presenting a red herring?