Wrong, Joel, 2.4 million!
The New Year begins, as it always should, with a blood feud involving tireless warriors, Joel Tudor and Kelly Slater.
Joel is a longboarder and grappler from San Diego. You’ll remember his role as the protagonist in these classics, Blood Feud: Joel Tudor and Noa Deane in creative battle royale!, Blood Feud: Joel Tudor vs The World, and Blood Feud: Kelly Slater vs Kelly Slater (part one) and Blood Feud: Joel Tudor vs Kelly Slater, part two.
Kelly Slater is the 11-time world champion and father of the modern-day wave machine. His blood feud opponents include, MMA fighter Paul Costa, “Serious haters“, flat-earthers, Hawaiian Airlines, the mourning fans of Gene Wilder, and the recently retired from surfing Mavericks, Ken Collins.
Earlier today, Kelly posted an excellent short clip of himself surfing what he says is the left at Velzyland, a wave popular with local Hawaiian surfers, advising his 2.4 million fans,
“Don’t tell anyone how good the left is at V-Land.”
A red rag was thus waved to Joel Tudor, who climbed aboard his keyboard to write,
“Way to tell a million people in one post you dork…”
Kelly’s fans responded:
“Hey Kelly Joeljitsu called you a DORK! Them’s fightin’ words!!!! How about you and Joel in the Octagon???!!?!? Pay per view???!?!?!? No holds barred??!?!?!? WSL and Red Bull to sponsor?!?!? I’d buy that for a dollar. Or not.”
“@joeljitsu – no worries, only 74k have seen it so far.”
“u called Jesus a dork.”
There were a couple of departures from the tidal wave of adoring comments, although these were rare.
“Instagram ruined surfing.”
“Dude but seriously @kellyslater @peterkingphoto WTF the place has become so overrun in the last 15 years… to the point where I don’t even surf it on a Saturday or Sunday we all don’t have wave pools to go run and hide from the crowds some of us have to rely on our local spot.. once again Instagram stealing the soul of surfing.”
To which the clip’s filmer, the wonderful Peter King, (who has enjoyed his own Blood Feuds) wrote: “Love that everyone believes you that it’s VLand.”
Which opens a new front.
Is it somewhere other than Velzyand and Kelly threw up a smoke bomb?
To which, one might ask, why?
Or is Peter trying to save the day, and perhaps his own skin, by presenting a red herring?
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Yeah cause heaps of people can paddle out at V-Land and get waves…
Slater needs go away, he has had well more than his 15 minutes.
Tudor should not be calling anyone a dork. Dork is the middle aged man who posts weed pics and photos he didn’t take of cultural icons that he never knew or never will know without even crediting the photog for the iconic snap. That guy is a dork.
doesn’t matter. beautiful surfing by ks.
This is a heavy and dirty game!
No one deserves… Imagine Dragons!
Hit em high
Hit em low
Hit em with the old elbow ……more of the Les Boyd type action , who played an Australian version of the game ( rugby league ) with brutality, remarkable timing and agility and less ear canal beatings from Dragons imagining to play music .
Is that an angry young Kalani Robb?
PK sniffs bicycle seats
well what I really want to know is what is Kelly riding? nevermind the turn, otherworldly, do you see the speed he comes out of it with getting around the section??? Jesus wtf! Who says he can’t win in ’19?? What BeachGrit should be talking about is the serious problem the WSL will have after Slater retires for good! What reasons would I tune in for? John John, yea, no boring as hell. Medina good god who fucking cares. What’s left people? Give me something!!! They’re all far from interesting, Boring!!!
Medina who cares.?
What do you want
Just white cunts
Who gives a fuk bout their personality?
Can’t be dissin the 2nd best ever
The SBOAT
Jeez Scotty lighten up cunt
Illuminati Slater , Floridian Branch ?
Sorry Bicko Im 2 space cookies deep and on 2nd bottle of Margret River red, not picking up what ya putting down
Lol
Thinking that Scott Cutsnake might be a staunch defender of Voldemort or one of own not to be mentioned bald men ? Enjoy the Red and space .
if kelly is the only thing worth tuning into the wsl for, what have you been doing the last 18 months?
I’ve been bored shitless
kelly isn’t here either so you may as well just move along and save yourself from being bored.
Do you really think skinny jeans are the measure of a switched-on millennial? I think a flared trouser leg opening would be far edgier, hipper etc.
Youd be brave wearin those statements!
Only change is permanent grasshopper ……
I’ve been trying to tighten that thought up for a long time.
That is perfect!
Skinny jeans and mustaches have been safe for at least a decade.
It has certainly trended that way. More’s the pity.
You couldn’t have convinced me in 1994, but loose fit jeans are a fucking abomination.
There’s another Scott in town
Tudors seed had a verbal with a local lass out a t v land 3 days ago, him and his hipster single fin twin fin cuntee group are going to feel the wrath.
More info please!
Got the $$
So much in-your-endo!
Yeah just spit it out fuk
Screw Joel Tudor, greatest longboarder ever, yea great. that’s like being the greatest driver caught in traffic. shits lame bro go do a rear naked choke. You realize you talking to the Babe Ruth of surfing, right. Your not in the same category, not in the same breath, hell you’re not in the same fucking sport. just chill and walk the nose joel.
Yea, with ya there Scott – Joel, tie your leggie round your neck and do us all a favour.
Jeez
Jeez, he’s got under your skin.
Nah, Bex. He’s just a fuckhead.
The world needs less fuckheads.
Who we gonna diss then?
Yea – now that Joel’s been tried and found guilty of cuntardery. I dunno …
I’m gonna hang up my leggie for the night.
Young astros bleating for dinner and I’m a good dad.
My 3year old thinks I’m 2018world chamo
GMed 2nd
My 3 yo is 17. Fucken useless.
Hope you have more luck wth yours.
Mines the coolest dude I’ve ever met
Now.
He needs to start posting here so I can set him straight and on the correct true path.
If he listens to you too much longer – well there’s your ocker version of Joel. Right there.
THAT IS FUCKING HARSH
I think?
This Joel guys probly a top bloke
Lol. Nah he’s not.
Later, Bex !
Scott cuttre?
Was his name really babe?
What was his mum thinking?
Sex feud!
Coming soon
On Beach Filth!
Perhaps a new custom amongst the rougher sort, in the aloha state, would be to carry replica açai bowls, perhaps carved in wood and painted, or plush like teddy bears.
When a potential adversary is in close range, the replica bowl is brandished to ceremonially commence proceedings, awaiting the knocking out from the angry hands of either party, without actually jeopardising the significant investment of a genuine bowl of the purple gold.
If only they could read
Does it really taste that good ? Açaí not fist ?
I’ve never tasted it to my knowledge James.
Must be good huh?
S’a bit Lynch.
Barton is much more attractive with TV makeup on
David
Try
Movie Grit
Heading to Oceans Eleven to play Pai Gow and slam bottom shelf vodka whilst yelling MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY. Sounds about right….
Oceans 11 !? Hell yeah, you are an honorary scum bag for sure!!
I’ve had to pick up my dear departed Mother there in the past.
Well before she died that is..
How bout Joe Rogan? Do Frenamies count?
Everyone bet Bama -5 now it’s time to call Marty with the Party and miss work again tomorrow…again.
Thats the spirit !
That was a hiding – Sabin be scratching his head.
14-0 and flogged unmercifully in the final.
I didn’t realise 15-0 hadn’t been done before. So, Onya Dabo n Tigers
If you walk into a frat at either of those colleges I’d imagine dragons is playing really loud and a guy with a headband on is yelling “lessss goooo”
Ha – yea there’s some desperate shit out there. All vanilla and prepackaged.
I never write off bama, Sabin is too shrewd.
But otoh Dabo is great coach, too. Think Clemson’s D has it over bama – We’ll see soon.