Marvel at real-time reportage of every moment that stunned the world in 2018 and set the World Surf League onto the path of destruction or triumph.
Please allow me, friends, to be your anti-depressant. An e-book is an electronic book that you can read on a screen. Pro surfing had it’s hugest, most world-historically vital year ever in 2018.
These two concepts have been combined into a product detailing Pro Surfing’s monumental 2018 titled “Pro Surfing 2018. The Year my Voice Broke”.
This e-book collects in one indispensable compendium every contest report as detailed by the excoriating, incorrigible, inscrutable eye of Steve ‘Longtom’ Shearer. Marvel at real-time reportage of every moment that stunned the world in 2018 and set the World Surf League onto the path of destruction or triumph.
“Everything that happens”, wrote Henry Miller in Tropic of Capricorn, “When it has significance, is in the nature of a contradiction.”
Pro surfing’s 2018 being the ideal Exhibit A.
A crucible from which the sport will emerge transformed and transfigured.
It’s all here: Mick Fanning’s retirement, Mikey Wright’s stunning wildcard run, Pro surfing’s pivot away from the ocean to the technological u/dystopia of wavepools, the hostile takeover of pro surfing by adult learners, double World Champ John John Florence’s (fatal) disillusionment , the Shakespearean drama of Kelly Slater’s continuing quest for relevance and control of the Sport he has dominated for decades, the Rise and Rise of the Brazilian Goofy-foot’s, Filipe Toledo’s magical back to back victory at J-Bay, the Facebook roll-out debacle, the retreat from Margaret River in the face of predatory disruption, the decline of (male) Australia as a Pro surfing nation and so much more!
It’s all here plus bonus passages containing nasty cheap shots at higher-ranked surf writers squashed by the iron fist (in a silk glove) of Editor D.Rielly. It aways does me a bit of good to criticize establishment surf writers.
“The only surf writer to focus on the writing.” D.Prodan (pers. Comm)
“A redneck in a bad mood!” Chas Smith.
“He covers the tour from his bedroom!” N. Carroll.
“The only surf writer worth reading” D. Hynd.
Kinky Tits! Electric Pussy! Etc etc. D. Rielly.
This is an investment in your future happiness. An opportunity to look your Grandkiddies in the eye when they ask, “Gramps, what ever happened to pro surfing?” and say, “ Well, let’s go to the historical record of 2018 and see what went wrong”.
Who knows when a trivial pursuit contest might be decided by identifying the middle-aged but strangely attractive liberal party member for Vasse* who accused the World Surf League of cowardice for cancelling the Margaret River comp in 2018?
See, you’ve forgotten already.
Sophie G will be relaxing between sets on the tennis court marinating on the finer details of her fiefdom, Brodie Carr has pre-ordered, Backwards Fin Beth will be shoving it arse-about down the next Chrissie stocking, E-lo is committed to boning up on the minutiae while he takes on the Prez of content role, Francis Fukyama has signalled a desire to include a chapter in his next edition of The End of History.
Buy and put on ice or read a chapter before bed-time for sweet dreams.
How priced?
Seeing as it is a world first I have priced for the working gal. The same price as the cheapest six-pack at the Lennox Bottle-o: a sixer of XXXX Gold cans. $16.50. But marketing gurus tell me it needs to end in a nine, so $16.49.
Americans and Europeans enjoy the exchange rate of the greenback or Euro to the South Pacific peso. The once luxuriant British Pound still buys two Aussie dollars. South Americans can find solace in an undying love of the Brazilian goofy-foot.
The moon shot is for every one of the 250 million pro surfing “hand raisers” identified by 2013 WSL CMO Michael Lynch to get drastic with the plastic. If that transpires, I renounce class warfare immediately, save five acres of coastal Lennox Head from developers and restore back to rainforest. A Garden of Eden preserved for evermore. BeachGrit gets incorporated at a Ballina law firm and Chas and Derek get let loose with a major liquidity event.
The next rung down is squaring off the $700 excess from sideswiping a single Mum in a shitbox Subaru while the J-bay comp was on. That’s only 43 astute souls globally pouncing on a bargain.
One bar I’m pretty sure I can limbo is a single sale. A soothing sixpack on the verandah while the bulldozers circle.
Ben Marcus, you’re first. Pony up cunt.
45,692 words. 152 pages. For a six pack. Insane value, although admittedly I am biased.
*Libby Mettam
Nope, I haven’t been able to figure it out either, said the apparently confused old man ….
Dice Man! Fuck yeah! Speaking his mind, telling it how he sees it. And fuck youse if you don’t agree with him. Need more people like him these days.
Ben isn’t manic depressive. He just grew up surfing in Santa Cruz in the 1970s and has watched the world get dumber, more vulgar, more expensive, more crowded and ookier every 10 years, and that’s disheartening.
Okay BEN!
It’s the second thing. He get off on playing the provocateur
Holy shit, you actually spelled “provocateur” correctly.
Oh but you said “get off” and not “gets off.”
Unless you are speaking Ebonics, that’s a mistake.
Was thinking of coming down to Lennox this weekend. Can I just put some money on the public bar in an envelope for you, or should I leave a 6-pack of XXXX Gold in the bottle-o fridge with your name on it?
The Last of the Famous International Playboys ?
You’ve gotta admit, as smug as he is (and I seem to recall him admitting as much when I told him I thought it was a sort of trolling act on his part), the otherwise banal quality of commentary here suddenly becomes a lot more lively and interesting when he is around. That said, as others have posited I’m fairly certain he’s got the whole manic depressive thing going on. He’s been mute for some time so I’m guessing he’s currently in a dark cycle emotionally speaking. That shit is really spooky actually, having known a few manic depressives. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone except for a lot of people who deserve far worse…
reached the first sales target by nightfall.
cheers everyone.
Sierra Nevada Pale ale.
I didn’t read the article above, bought at the link, downloaded a file, became confused about where it went on my phone, poured myself a big glass of low grade red wine, and now I’m watching pirated episodes of House Hunters International on YouTube.
Mission Accomplished!
This sounds Very San Diego! Amazing.
I interviewed THAT Nathan Fletcher and he is hella chill, these days.
I’ll pay but not for a 6.8 intro like that. Throw some heat and money is no object.
been awhile since you unleashed…
not enough spice?
Difficult to pinpoint. You have spoiled me now I expect 10’s every time.
I feel like Slater on the couch with his arm around Kalani watching the Super Bowl and they cut to Giselle in the luxury box. And he squeezes Kalani’s 80 pound bony frame and sighs.
You feel bad about Slater sitting on the couch in his $8.3 million house on the North Shore?
Watching the Super Bowl after surfing Pipe?
Or his house in Australia?
Or his house in Florida?
Or his house in Malibu?
Which couch and which house are you feeling bad about?
In a shock purchase
I picked up six Peronis
For twelve lousy bucks
Dave Prodan also said something nice about me once. I don’t think I’ve spoken to him since.
you could make high two figures from this venture!
Whoa !
I’ll bet that’s lovely….
It’s not the longtom shirt I was hoping for, but it’s a start…. enjoy the XXXX GOLD
Has Ashton been sending any chummy emails Longtom?
why would I ever leave a paddock with such good grass as this Negs?
Negs actually recruited a few of us this way via chummy emails. Thankful for it, too.
I just used a card.
Longtom writes D. Rielly quotes as good if not better than Derek does!
no, they are cribbed from actual text messages from Derek.
oh that’s even better! 🙂
Reilly.
I’m in. You better not give a cent to Derek or Charlie.