Leave everything behind. It's worth it.
I know what you’re thinking. “I could never be a surf journalist. Like extremely famous actors and musicians, quality surf journalists possess a skill set that has been gifted directly from the heavens. They are handsome and beautiful, wildly talented, fundamentally important to our cultural depth. Surf journalists are artists, maybe even the greatest artists of our time, sought after, righteous and good. Surf journalists not only speak truth to power but speak gibberish to the void and thereby course-correct the universe.”
All of that is true BUT I still believe in you. I believe that if you really commit yourself, you could enter the august ranks, standing shoulder to top of head with Nick Carroll, and forever slough off a meaningless existence.
But how?
Oh. Carve magazine, out of England, is hosting a 25th anniversary writing competition and let’s read about it!
Stories are at the heart of surfing whether from your last wave, latest trip or the myths and legends from years gone by. We want to encourage writers, young, old, or those that would like their work published but are either not sure where to start or are not sure if their work is good enough. Everyone has to start somewhere! So this year we are running Carve surf journalist competition.
Anyone can enter, and each month we will pick one story to publish in the magazine and a couple to publish on our website. It could be an interview, opinion, a feature or travel story. Humorous, informative, adventurous, technical, if you feel inspired to write we want to hear from you! At the end of the year we will announce our Carve 25th Anniversary Writer of the Year.
There will be a prize, although we have to sort that out at time of writing!
Send entries to [email protected]
You’ve got this!
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Cardiff was over a couple decades ago
Im very open to the death of Surf Trash Journalism especially The Inertia & What Youth Magazine and mostly cause it sucks now compared to years past and it’s actually insulting to Journalists to call either one of those Journalistic in anyway (STAB too maybe, but they’ve been on their game lately sorry Chas) Would lump Beach Grit in there too but you guys are more of an entertaining satircal tabloid, stay that way please.
But what about the story?
Sorry Chas and Derek, your the first and last of a generation of truth journalist. The next generation know who butters their bread…oh and they’re trannies to boot.
End as we know it…..oh and Ben you can continue on to the next generation, as you fit right in.
I would love to be a surf journalist, except I can’t write and everytime I try kissing ass the people end up hating me anyway.
Surf journalists should know how to fight too
Let me ask, as a fellow UK surfer: do you know anyone who reads the UK mags? (Aside from the 10-15 English “pros” who get shots).
I mean, I love surfing, I love surfing in the UK, I like to read, and I’m pretty interested in surf media. I’m the nichest of niche market demographic. If I’m not paying attention then who the fuck is?
most of my reading is focused on form guide.
“surf journalist”. And “famous”. These do not go in the same sentence.
Also, the only English surf rag is Real Surfing Magazine. One guy. One mum. And at times a sense of humour. Shame he’s Cornish, though. Cluster of man buns down there.
+1 for CoMB.
Never heard of it!?
https://www.facebook.com/re…
@realsurfingmagazine insta
this is good https://backwa.sh/
I will be running my own surf writer’s workshop very soon. Only $1000 per seat. Topics covered: How to attract a job-holding spouse, and, well, that’s it actually. That’s the entire workshop. Nothing else I could tell anyone that could possibly be of greater benefit.
Preach brother Housman!
Working on Marrying Rich Right Now
Marrying rich is great. But no need to aim that high. Gainfully employed with excellent benefits works just fine.
I will take that to heart. You might be correct…
Well we can’t all be Vice President I suppose, Mike Pence.
When I was younger (roughly 20 years ago to be exact) I yearned to be a surf journo. I completely idolised D Rielly. I lived in a small shitty fishing town north of Perth with no waves, no career prospects with my parents who’d eventually kick me out for no reason when I turned 17 (they were/are arseholes). At the age of 16, staring into the black hole that was my future, I sent a letter to Derek at his fabulous work place (ASL) based in Burleigh. I begged for a job and a way to get out of the hell hole that was my existence.
Dez sent back 2 ASL stickers, declined to help, and wished me luck.
Pretty sure he made the right choice.
“”Staring into the Black Hole” is the title of your memoir.
It’s also the title of the porno I made
Where’d you place the stickers?
You know what, I treasured those 2 little stickers (they were about the size of a 20c piece) for years, waiting to find the perfect place to put them. Then one day, after not being able to afford ASL for awhile (shortly after issue 100) I picked one up and had a flick through it. It had gone to shit. Derek had left as editor. I threw them and the magazine in the bin as a silent protest.
Literally didn’t buy another mag until the birth of Stab, hence why my surf knowledge has a big gap in the early 2000s and I practically missed the whole of AI’s career.
Footnote: Stab had possibly been around for a couple of years before I realised its existence and could afford such frivolous luxuries as surf magazines
Makes perfect cents turts.
Should have kept them & put ‘em on eBay.
You should have read Surf Europe. It was a gem!
Nah the only good thing to come out of Europe is French tits and pasta.
Early 2000s were a shit time anyway. Good place for a gap.
you could have stuck the stickers on Kevins mail box.
Old mate KBW at Disgraceland I take it?
Just had a punt you were talking about lanno.
Lano. Only Mexicans spell it with a double n.
twas for the benefit of the seppos so they could feel the coastal west oz drawl.
farken laannnno maaate.
(mor its cos I be crap wif words an that ay)
Crayfish or mining ?
Crayfishing
“There will be a prize, although we have to sort that out at time of writing!”
This roughly translates as “Our goal is getting stuff for free. Our legal department is still sorting out how we can “pay” you, but not really “pay” you.”
hahahah ‘legal deparment’ – you really don’t know much about how surf mags operate in 2019 do ya pal? my guess would be this is three blokes sat around in a dingy room praying that their three remaining advertisers don’t decide to spend their whole ad budget on sponsored insta stories this year…
Then what the fuck do they need to sort out about this “prize” they’ve promised?
“Surfing is sick.
Being One with nature and that.
The dolphin jumps out of the water.
Do a cutback.”
Chas, can i submit one of your articles to see if it makes the cut? (shity pun intended)
Hello, is that Carve Magazine?
Yeah, The Inertia already did that, mate.
It didn’t work.
It totally worked! Where else am I going to learn how to incorporate eco-yoga dance moves into my surfing? And who’s going to employ all those UCSC journalism majors? AND WHO’S GOING TO SCOLD ME ABOUT MY TOXIC MASCULINITY?? CHAS!? Not bloody likely.
Sea Maven?
Isn’t this sort of thing merely a desperate cry for content?
Ya think?
No need for sarcasm, Chazzles. This is BeachGrit, not…
Oh yeah. Sorry.
Don’t The Inertia ONLY do that?
I’m all about it but I’m not sure of my angle. I’ve got so much against me. There is very little that inspires me. I don’t have a better surfing younger brother or a dish washing job or a rich wife or nipples people want to see or a trady job or a baby mama. The list of nays goes on, alas, cursed at birth.
Maybe log onto Elo’s instagram feed and go from there.
Me too. To be given this name the day I was born was a curse in itself.
Eddie haiku should send some of his work in. that shit needs to be published
I would imagine
That out of context surfing
Haikus are quite shit
An interview? Hmmmm, I don’t know any famous surfers, so I would just interview myself!
Host KVF (hKVF): Thank you for joining me, Herr Karl.
Interviewee KVF (iKVF): Pleasure to be here. Before we start, can I just say, you look stunning today…
hKVF: … *blushing* err, I think you need your eyes checked… well, thank you, anyway. You have made a name for yourself on the surf website, BeachGrit, commenting unfunny nonsense on Chas Smith’s articles and even having one of your own stupid articles published on the site! Tell me, what inspires you to unleash your less than insightful commentary about surf?
iKVF: I’ve always been super bored with almost everything, for as long as I can remember… I like surfing and have nothing better to do…
hKVF: Fascinating, truly. We’ve noticed a bit of a dropoff in both the quantity and quality of your comments lately. Why do you seem to be struggling?
iKVF: I’m in quite a rut, huh?… I have nothing to add to anything that has been written lately. My weirder ideas lately have just felt supremely stupid. My MS Paint skills have eroded entirely, so I don’t even have that to fall back on.
hKVF: How do you pull yourself out of a rut? What’s your go-to method.
iKVF: Like Heat Strategy for JJF or Jordy, I don’t have one.
hKVF: Burn! Well, I’ll be rooting for you to turn things around. Maybe you should try to surf more than once every other week. That will snap you out of whatever the shit you’re on about.
iKVF: Maybe! Probably not, though. Maybe I can go surf with Gerry, doing stiff legged Mountain Pose turns.
hKVF: Oy vey…
just submit this. relatable, honest, interesting (what’s not interesting about a bloke interviewing himself in comment a thread, probably make a good podcast) guarantee its better than most of the mush that gets sent in. i
Karl for the podcast ! Up ^
Be better than most of that bullshit Chozz and that Scaly cunt waffle on about.
He did a podcast! With Rory!
KVF, starting to feel a little increased self-confidence…
JP: *Kill shot* … Awa’ an bile yer heid.
Karl , du bist der Hammer . Now put the hammer down …..
Details please
Get it on Rory’s feed whereever you get podcasts I reckon. It was called “Everything is always terrible”, appropriately.
He also had a early 90s style website of the same name. You might find it there.
Nah, some of it was alright. Some of it was pretty fucking weird. The one with Danny whatshisface wet lettuce was proper awkward and creepy.
He’s stopped publishing now but you should find the old ones.
Website goneeee…. only time I’ve had my comments removed! Michelle on Mod duty over there.
Podcasts gone silent, it had some potential.
Really ! I’m not into podcasts at all, prolly why I missed it.
But that I’d like to hear
If you want to listen to a podcast of someone interviewing himself with guest in attendance try Scott Bass.
How fucking awkward was the Last one? “I like to ask an interesting lead out question to break the ice…. have you ever killed anything? “. Wow. Stopped listening after that
I think you’re back Karl!
Is this not too same same with Chas Smith’s writing style?
Nick Carroll is a fucken hack though.
and his little brother slurps up every single elo post. it’s quite sad.
great to have you back.
Cheers moite.
In the already immortal words of the handsome and very slightly taller Koa Rothman: “I hope you like it! Fuck off!”
Does everyone paddle around Bells thinking “is that Wigolly?” Or is it that guy? He’s one of these bastards. Haha! Winki wiggs paranoia
I’m pretty sure Wigg’s hasn’t seen the Ocean for at least 7 years.
Unlike me. I surf at least once a year, whether I need to or not! Gotta keep my chops up.
Yeah righto little Nicky. Love your passion mate. It’s not like I’m particularly talented at my job either.
You have a JOB?
oh yes he does , he wears a wig and……..
…and paddles? I bet he wears a propeller cap too!
You be careful mate.
I am trying to be , but if I get arrested …LOL ???
Is it just me or did Chas turn into a pig pussy ever since that poof from Stab slapped (I refuse to call it a punch) him? Come on Chas, put some bite back into your writing.
Got the snark knocked right out of him, with one buster ass…. Slap? Punch? Paper bag exit strategy?
Oh you’re very right. It’s been real low tide lately but I think mostly because very deep down book hole and can barely breathe much less find joy in surf journalism.
Some inspo for you chaz,
“Meth and scooter drifting”
“Mdma and rollerblading”
“Bath salts and fishing”
“Rufies and bowling”
Cheap cider and park benches!
Snap out of it Chazza. Get your head out of the bookhole and back up Ashole’s butthole.
He fisted him.
THAT, would have been an expo!
A much maligned but oft missed term is “poof”.
Well done for leading the renaissance.
Rosie was already there.
Never went away here
Maybe he feels some level of shame for pushing Ashton G in his little yellow beanie and luxuriously oiled beard to that level of fury.
I want to feel his beard now