Your life made better!
Advice columns are the beating heart of print media or at least used to be. The place where the experts crashed into the people, giving their very fine opinions on all manner of whatnot. And where would we be without Dr. Ruth, Dear Abby, Ann Flanders? I’ll tell you where. In a world of hurt. Leaving the toilet seat up (or down… I can never recall proper toilet seat etiquette). Burying our cremated parents in pet cemeteries for inappropriate laughs.
Doing lame things.
Well, times change and The People™ now rule or alt least rule here but you don’t think we still need advice from experts? We do and desperately. Oh not me, Derek or Longtom. We’re all dipshits (sorry Longtom) but can I tell you a little something that is probably a secret and maybe was supposed to be kept that way?
Jen See, the byline you see above some our best stories, is an honest to goodness doctor. She has a PhD in….. history I think but is honestly, truly, really Doctor Jen See. She’s smart, proper smart, and willing to help you navigate your life.
What help do you need?
What therapy do you crave?
What are you curious about?
Nothing is off limits. Dr. Jen is here to help and and all you need to do is ask. Toss a question into the comments, she will pluck the best (worst) and use her mighty brain to solve.
You’re welcome.
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archived jen. Dr. to us~
Wtf? Have they never dealt with that before? You would think they would have experienced something like that the very first time anybody ever rescued or lifted anything in a chopper. Or that crew was idiots. But I’m no chopper expert and have no clue what caused that hellish spin. Maybe I’m the real idiot here?
Probably means Maude
Only if you wear signature Fanning sandals.
https://youtu.be/wadjUCn_exk
Dear Jen:
Who invented liquid soap and why?
Like, what if Lord of the Flies, but with surfing?
Every…line?
Zonies lol, they can’t do anything right…
don’t forget the coconuts for chester
Oh God…bedspins.
I’ll be in Phoenix on Monday and I’ll let you know if that poor woman is still spinning.
I suspect the closest you’ll come to cocaine is an autographed copy of Chas Smith’s hilarious new tome, “Cocaine and Surfing.” Of course it’ll cost you the same as cocaine but without the Artie Lange-esque nose collapse.
You got the title wrong, it’s “Cocaine plus surfing!”
YES!
Well that’s easy! I’ll answer that one. Get her to make friends with one of surfing’s new crazy rich people! They pretty much are always heading off to some tropical wonderland, booking out Tavarua for weeks at a time etc. If Ren Dee can, shit I dunno, maybe get a job as a waitress at some restaurant they frequent, then do all those little extra things good waitpeople do for the customer, maybe she will get an invite to Paradise.
Of course then she will have to catch a 12 foot wave off the second ledge at Cloudbreak. But nobody said this billionaire-tuning thing was easy!
dear Jen. could you get WPS to help out answering some of the questions. I have been campaigning for him to do something like this for a while but he is too shy. I reckon he would do it if you asked him.
That sounds great as Dr. Jen See Phd is not really taking this job seriously and could give two shits about answering any questions. I think it did say she will answer one, but if she did it was a pretty half-assed answer. And then her imposter answered one, so that doesn’t count. WPS would probably have great advice.
Let’s hope Beach Grit starts an advice column with him as our guru, spouting pearls of wisdom from his backyard shed/wank shack!
archives…https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx.fbcdn.ne…
I’d go with synthol injections. Get BUFF overnight! Of course if you overdo it like this guy you might have to deal with an amputation…but think of all the attention you’ll get!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
actual photo?
Planning a little fappening are we?
got me. i’m just waiting for the right time to release my substantial load of middle-aged-women-behind-typewriters-in-sensible-clothing pics.
Dear Jen, what should one do when finding kids high quality stash of drugs?
dear dr. jen, my girlfriend is moving away for a year, what board should I buy to numb my bummer?
A soft top and drill a hole at waist level. Make sure you go little smaller on your hole size will have to gauge that for your needs. It will loosen up after couple sessions. Have fun..
Dear Jen,
I happened to be visiting the surf community south of your beloved Santa Bab’s. Commonly referred to as So Cal. I went into this cool groovy second hand surf shop. The shop employee heard my southern drawl and wanted nothing to do with me. Chatted out loud to myself about my late 90’s Jardim De Mar sessions just to let him know I was somebody… To no avail the cunt wouldn’t stop looking at his phone reading Inertia. Out corner my eye on the men’s clothing rack was a slightly used pair of BG trunks. “Wow how many people own pair of these boardies” I thought for $15.00. It was half off Tuesday. Payed the arrogant local shop employee and stoked like a Val getting to their feet and riding straight for the first time. I don’t like wearing trunks under my wetsuit nor pajamas to bed. Free like that. Stashed trunks in my carry on the rest is history. Until last week.
Warm water first session in trunks so reached into the carry on grabbed the BG boardies, waxed my stick. Amped and I ripped I tell you. Fuck ya perfect fit! It wasn’t two hours out of the water the irritation to what my wife calls “Scrotum Insignificadom.” It look like I had two red nose rain deers squeezed between my upper thighs by night. When the trunks came out of the laundry I noticed black sharpie initials on the inside waist. I don’t know how I missed it before. Sure as hell looked to be written by a guy with shoulder injury and whom had to write with his other hand “CS”. Can you discreetly let him know something is wrong. The Doc has me on my second round of something I can’t spell starts with Trihydro..
Warm Regards.
A.L.
P.S. Thinking about putting the autographed Chas Smith/BG trunks on eBay what should the buy now price be set to?
come back…
Dr. Jen,
Do you view history as linear, circular or a hybrid thereof, like a continual one of those squiggly lines that editors use to indicate an, unnecessary comma?
– Smurflagious