This economy tastes like chicken.
This economy tastes like chicken.

Breaking: The Federal Reserve blames Great White sharks for pushing U.S. economy toward recession!

The bastards.

“Man-eating” Great Whites can be blamed for mostly everything and now that can include pushing the United States economy, and thereby the world’s economy, into recession.

I do not joke.

For today, the Federal Reserve released its Beige Book or “Summary of Commentary on Current Economic Conditions.” The report comes out eight times a year and hopes and dreams hang upon its spiral binding.

And today’s had bright moments, the U.S. economy continues to expand at moderate level, but signs of worry cannot be ignored, particularly in the tourism sector.

Worry so great that NPR’s Marketplace program feat. Kai Ryssdal suggested recession might be around the corner.

What is the cause of this retracting tourism?

Monstrous Great White sharks.

According to Bloomberg News:

The Federal Reserve Bank of Boston cited sharks and a tornado, along with a robust U.S. dollar, as reasons behind a “challenging summer tourist season” in Cape Cod.

“One theory was that the strong U.S. dollar prompted more Americans to vacation abroad this summer,” the regional Fed bank said Wednesday in the latest Beige Book summary of economic conditions across the U.S. Moreover, “media attention was ‘overly’ focused on increased shark sightings and (rare) tornados.”

Oh sorry.

I guess misanthropic Great White sharks are not to blame for the impending recession but rather BeachGrit’s extended coverage of them.

My bad but when you get laid off from your job due to stagnation and budget cuts please remember all the laughs we had.

Meet: The world’s first and only Surf Therapy PhD candidate!

What mental benefits can surfing bring?

Every morning I wake up before the sun has risen above the horizon, slip on my moccasins and head out into the world, foraging for surf stories to put on your breakfast table. Sometimes I find big, juicy, ripe ones like the professional surfer union inking a 10-year deal with their World Surf League in which North Korean levels of praise were heaped upon benevolent, all-knowing Santa Monica masters. Sometimes I find small, dry, underdeveloped ones like the completely unrelated to surfing meteorologist who drowned after delivering a rough water warning.

Sometimes the stories fill the belly with warmth and the heart with laughs. Sometimes they leave us all hungry, angry, grumpy.

Today’s, I hope, will give you such a sense of goodwill and hope that you will change your mean, mean ways. Oh not you but J.P. Currie for I have discovered another Scottish surfer and this one is the world’s only Surf Therapy PhD candidate. Please step inside Edinburgh Live and meet (soon to be) Dr. Jamie Marshall

Jamie Marshall’s course at Edinburgh Napier University is unique, he’s the only person in the world studying for a PhD in surf therapy.

He first started surfing aged 14 as a way of escaping a difficult time with bullying at secondary school.

He’s now exploring the physical and mental benefits that surfing can bring.

He said: “I fell in love with surfing the first time I tried it age 14 which was also a pretty difficult time for me at school due to bullying. Surfing provided a bit of an escape for me but I also identified as a surfer from that point on and that was something no one could take away from me.

“In some ways, this probably made my career path inevitable!”

“Scotland now has a history of excellence regarding surf therapy and I’m delighted to have played a part in the success that the Wave Project has had here in this country, working with vulnerable young people across Edinburgh and the Lothians.

“A key part of my PhD is to support the evaluation of surf therapy based upon the experiences of participants.”

I wonder if Dr. Marshall’s work will also eventually include vulnerable adult learners (buy the t-shirt here)?

And if you could get a PhD in one facet of surfing would it be surf therapy? I think I would choose to get mine in Content, Media and Studios.

It’s a growth market.

Gabriel and daddy Charlie, a familiar and formidable duo.

WSL: “Supertubos has best banks in five years (but) may have to run heats in onshore conditions in order to finish the event.”

And Gabriel Medina invokes the might of the divine to wrap up title before Pipe…

Shortly, maybe today, likely tomoz, the penultimate WCT event of the year hits Portugal. The two-time world champ Gabriel Medina can wrap the title if the cards fall thus.

First, he’s gotta make it to the semi’s or better.

If he gets second in the final, Filipe has to lose in or before the round of 32, Jordy or Kolohe have to lose before or in  the quarters and Italo, who won the contest last year, has to lose before or in the round of 16.

If Gabriel wins the event, Filipe has to lose in or before the round of 16, Jordy and Kolohe in or before the final, and Italo in or before the semi’s.

Earlier today, Gabriel, who is one of Brazil’s 123 million Catholics, invoked the might of God with a post of Instagram referencing Hebrews 11.3. I’m a Catholic, I know this verse, the eleventh chapter of the Epistle to the Hebes.

It’s a doozy, gives a real sweet hit of voltage.

In essence, trust God’s will ’cause he an all-seeing motherfucker who ain’t afraid to poke his gigantic wang into your business if he feels you deserve it.

A hundred thousand likes already. Don’t tell me that ain’t divine.

My fav part of the Bible and it always gave me a little kick as a kid, can be found at Genesis 19: 31-32.

“One day the older daughter said to the younger, ‘Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.’”

As for the waves, and when the contest might run, in an email to the event’s surfers, The WSL writes:

“Surfers, this is the plan for Plan for the next few days at the MEO/RC Pro; Main Site at Supertubos and 3 Back-up Sites. Pico da Mota, Pico do Fabril & Lagide. We should have 3 days of surf from Thursday onwards at Supertubos (Wednesday only a small chance), after that, forecast doesn’t look too bright, so we may need to run heats in onshore conditions in order to finish the event. We’ll always make sure that there are enough opportunities for every competitor. At this stage we’ll move sites only overnight, pending wind, swell and tide conditions, The good news is that we have the bet banks in Supertubos in the last 5 years. We’ll keep you posted.”

Also, Pip Toledo’s back has repaired and he’s “ready to rip.”

Turn the camera this way, baby....
Turn the camera this way, baby....

Environmentalists accuse shark researchers of throwing salt into “man-eating” Great Whites’ sex lives!

Do you like to watch?

And how much do you cherish your privacy? How much do you enjoy keeping the dark corners of your life dark, circle of trust tight, sheet pulled over your naked body, Mark Zuckerberg outside tapping on your window like the woman in that early 1990’s Mervyn’s commercial, repeating “Open, open, open…”?

If you are anything like me then quite a bit. I didn’t grow up in the Snapchat age where every scrunchy face, every pancake with chocolate chips is posted for the world to see. My scrunchy faces and chocolate chip pancakes are mine and mine alone.

Environmentalists, likewise, feel that the “man-eating” Great White shark’s toothy grin and male femur he’s snacking upon should be his and his alone. That his “horizontal mambo” should stay between him and his partner or partners but shark researchers very much disagree, pitting the two against each other in a potentially violent battle of sensitive wills.

As you know, the prehistoric beasts have reached record numbers off the America’s eastern seaboard. There they thrash about, man-eat, terrify and snap and you know because many of these are tagged then tossed back into the sea to thrash about, man-eat, terrify and snap some more and maybe even try to get laid all why getting tracked by you, me, shark researchers.

Environmentalists feel this tagging amounts to an invasion of privacy and we must go to USA Today for the very latest.

A tagged 10-foot, 3-inch 564-pound great white shark called “Shaw” by researchers is making his way south along the New Jersey coast from Nova Scotia.

Following the shark is a growing debate about whether the gains to be had over the intrusion into the shark’s life is worth any potential long-term harm to the animal.

Shaw was tagged near Lunenberg, Nova Scotia, on Oct. 1, during OCEARCH’s Expedition Nova Scotia 2019. He took two weeks to reach the New Jersey coast.

The group placed satellite tracking SPOT-tags on 11 great white sharks on the expedition. It also conducted health and reproductive assessments and collected vital scientific samples from the sharks, such as fecal samples.

OCEARCH’s method of tagging and sampling of the sharks continues to draw scrutiny in the scientific community.

The group brings the sharks aboard a vessel while the SPOT tag is placed on the animal’s dorsal fin. The shark’s belly is cut open and an acoustic tag is placed inside.

Heather Bowlby, the research lead at the Canadian Atlantic Shark Research Laboratory, told the Canadian press they’ve shifted away from bringing sharks on board a boat because the animals lack a rib cage to hold up their body weight when they’re out of water.

Gregory Skomal, a shark researcher with the Massachusetts Division of Marine Fisheries, told the Canadian press, he’s concerned about long-term problems OCEARCH’s methods may cause on the reproductive success of the animal from the interaction.

OCEARCH has defended its methods. Robert Hueter, from Florida’s Mote Marine Laboratory and one of the group’s chief scientists, was quoted in the Canadian press as saying the criticism about unknown, long-term impacts are “speculation without data.”

So there we have it. A potential problem as it relates to the “reproductive success” of the vicious misanthropes.

Do you think that Great Whites care about the feelings of their partners?

Are they tender lovers?

I find it hard to believe but will be following along thanks to OCEARCH’s shark sex cams.

Revealed: Planned Palm Springs surf resort can accommodate “up to 95 professional surfers at a time!”

That's 47 concurrent overlapping heats!

One of the great puzzlements in professional surfing is why there are so many professional surfers. We’ve been pondering this odd fact together for many years without satisfaction, without satisfying answers as to why professional surf competitions are filled with so many professional surfers that they must run over two distinct swell events. Without understandable justification as to Alex Ribeiro.

I sometimes think that professional surfing might just be the world’s tallest pyramid scheme, all these professional surfers paying entry fees etc., but then put my drink down and try to think more sensibly. Less conspiratorially.

But then this morning, demitasse in hand, I stumbled across the very latest news for a new wave tank being built near Palm Springs, California and would you like to read the details?

-The surf lagoon would be open to the public 330 days per year.
-Surfers would pay an hourly fee or sign up for various packages or passes.
-Surf sessions will run one hour at a time.
-On an average, there will be about 50 to 60 surfers in the water at any given time.
-On a weekend day, there will be about 75 surfers in the water at any given time.
-For a special event, such as surf competitions, there could be as many as 95 surfers in the water at any given time.
-Proposed hours for the lagoon are 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. weeknights; to midnight on weekends and holidays.
-The surf center, open 6 a.m. to 2 a.m., would include restaurants, bars and shops that will be open to the public. Non-surfers who want to use the beach, pools and enjoy other activities like bocce ball and pickleball, can buy a day pass.

For a special event, such as surf competitions, there could be as many as 95 surfers in the water at any given time.

Imagine a surf competition with 95 professional surfers in the water at a time. Roughly 47 heats overlapping. 1,504 professional surfers per sixteen heats.

“Non-stop action…” as Joe Turpel would coo and is this the World Surf League’s great plan for domination? To make every able bodied man, woman and child a professional surfer with all the incumbent fees etc?

It is difficult to see another angle.