Dropping hammers.
Kelly Slater’s dominant performance in the Quiksilver Pro France’s seeding round was the talk of the town from Hossegor all the way to my once-pastoral Cardiff by the Sea. Longtom put it best in his end-of-day wrap. “How can a nearly fifty-year old be the best guy in the water in a three-foot beachbreak?”
And it’s true.
Kelly is surrounded by wizards less than half his age. Surrounded by a whole next generation of professional surfers who came out of the womb pitching air reverses, who were built for this, as they say. And yet there the 11 time World Champion was, all fifty years of him, grabbing one of the day’s highest heat totals with seeming ease.
What was his secret? He shared during the post-heat interview with Barton Lynch and I’ll provide the transcript right here.
I actually had a little sciatica from a deep massage I got. I kinda tweaked my back a little bit actually and uhhhh I think it distracted me enough to not think so much. I just went out and surfed and had fun.
A hammer from the God of Shade.
Oh it may seem innocuous but nothing Kelly Slater does is innocuous and would you like to know which other professional surfer was struggling with a “tweaked back” and who clearly let it affect his performance?
That’s right.
Filipe Toledo.
And when Filipe hears word of Kelly’s sly remark, that a tweaked back leads to improved, bold performances, how do you think it will affect him?
I truly hope the two meet up in the quarterfinals. The Great Back Off of 2019 will be one for the record books.
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kelly is an unashamed snake and you know as much as I like to shit on him I have to respect the hustle
“…not ‘think’ ‘so much‘?”
Why does my brain still want wine flavored Cheese-it’s?
The WSL is transitioning to a new ‘Wall of Self-Aware, Positive Sarcasm’-
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
I think the vid is funny! Next should be a video mocking Kelly Slater’s actual old man chances at a title this year.
Might have been spoken about on another article on the site, but did anyone hear Cote on Lipped podcast? Thought it was an interesting and validated opinion on the Grit and Chas! And the thing he spoke about using Alias on web forums reminded me of Brene Brown and ‘being in the arena’ . Might be a bit too inertia for this place but Brene got me out of one too many close-outs. Plus so Cote alias on here is the real Cote? Cool!
It’s epic. Chris has always been epic and this may be a turning point!
“and i managed to get the scores with hair on my nipples” (?)
Man I really miss
Eddie Haiku around here
Highest prince of shade
Hes on haikuatus
engaged in haicoitus
HaiCoitus interruptus ?
Haikularious
I reached out…
His reply.
I’m breathing clean air
Avoiding digital fluff
And thanks for asking
Beautiful response. Good to hear
It’s nick Carroll’s fault.
Kelly may be surrounded by wizards, but he’s Hairy-less Plotter. With s-cool boy charm, and a story plot thicker than his hair follicle scheme, he waves his wand, or is it wand his waves(?) over weak backed waves and magically *poof* a tweaked back tweaks beaks of those who fall under his spell. B(l)ack magic this Hairy-less Plotter practices.
I’ll assume by LongTom’s absence that the connie didn’t run last night and I didn’t miss anything I don’t care about so it’s time to surf incredibly shitty beach break before the weekend crowds descend to rip this latest “swell” that surflie is advertising.
Fil spent all last night tormented by the comments. Not being able to get The Cure’s “Lullaby” out of his head, not even really knowing how he thought of it, seeing as how he had never heard it before, he decided to fire up the Ol’ YouTube to watch the official music video. Watching it, he thought of how much he liked the aesthetic, but decided he could never pull it off because it would be too embarrassing. He woke up this morning emotionally fragile and physically weak, hoping that his 13th air reverse of the day would heal him.
Special request for the masterful KVF
That version on mixed up is brilliant.
Look at Ke11y holding court post heat. Had to be at least 3 dozen people listening. Including the interviewer. I think the WSL should move their offices to Europe, maybe that’s the hidden demographic they’ve been pining for all these years?
Or Brasil.
Being a GOAT is one thing but Being a Jimmy put way more fans on the Beaches of France ? He used to have 60,000 to 90,000 fans at Lacanau every day in the 90s fawning over him , thanks to playing Jimmy Slade in Bay Watch……
Where did they park?
1/2 way to Carcans Plage and beyond . Admittedly it was the second week of August and all of France was on holidays and on the beaches of the Sud Ouest . Even My own little village 30 minutes north had roughly 10, 000 visitors a day during the high season .
How about a World Shagger’s Back League? Get Mikey Wright back in the mix. You could award extra points based on how early they finish their heats, and everyone would have an injury wild-card for life.
Da Goat should sue the fuck out of that massage therapist
Yes, another frivolous lawsuit. Just what surfing needs.
Massage therapist: “Your honor. Let the record reflect that Kelly admits beating a John John would make for a happier ending, but he’s nonetheless satisfied having a Jack White show for the Unknown Pro.”
Judge: “Well that sure tweaked back the….umm, balls in your court Kelly.”