But one thing that will never bore is a Kelly Slater heat…
France elevated itself over the fatigue with a magnificent home town win but as day one rolls around in Peniche, Portugal I’m sensing boredom in key markets. Onshore muck, rain and miserable close-outs did not elevate the hype despite Joey Turpel bald-facedly declaring we were in for an “incredible day of competition”.
Putting aside all other considerations for a second it really does beg the question, why WSL couldn’t have an extended waiting period for Europe and run the contests interchangeably depending on the storm track?
Make modern forecasting a handmaid instead of the bearer of bad news.
I guess that might entail disentangling the men’s and women’s Tours again, shoot, too-hard basket.
Ricardo Christie came last in his round one heat. I’ve waited all year to find something to say about the second-time debutante, and other than him fitting into my theory that pro surfing hates a late blooming journeyman, haven’t been able to.
A heroic performance today.
A lot of people have chipped in their hard-earned for him to pursue his dreams. His major sponsor dropped him and he’s out watching his own dream die in grimy close-outs in front of thirty people. You could forgive him for displaying some of what Slater’s therapist might call “negative emotion”. He scrapped through the entire heat, last from start to finish in total control of his body language. What sighs of despair or wailing and gnashing of teeth in frustration were all done internally. Total dignity.
We learned, via announcement and interview, that Kanoa Igarashi had “provisionally qualified” for the Olympics under the flag of the rising sun. Kanoa was suitably thrilled, achieved my goals etc etc.
Were you thinking, like me, provisional?
When I went to school provisional and its adverb provisionally meant subject to change or further confirmation; for the time being. I won’t even pretend to understand the qualification process but where’s the provisional part of it come in?
Are there Japanese contenders waiting in the wings, total unknowns wielding surfboards like sashimi knives who could knock the might Igarashi off his Olympic pedestal before he even gets there?
Is it provisional because he might get injured, because a super-typhoon might wipe out the contest site?
Jen See? Chas, you’re a linguistics prof: wherefore this “provisional” and what does it mean?
Soli Bailey was also pushed into the elimination round. Also surfed good. Showed amazing control to survive a late under-the-lip hit on his backhand that received no love from the judging panel. Showed amazing control over his body language, too. Maybe that is part of what coaches do nowadays, one of the few things a pro surfers can control in the beachbreaks of Europe.
The Brazilians were a class above, you won’t be surprised to hear. Yago, in the ascendancy after being acquitted of the accusation of cowardice in Teahupoo debacle. So smooth, backside and front. John Florence must dream of having the constitution of Italo’s knees and ankles. So robust, flinging airs into the flats, smashing heaving close-outs. With a finicky forecast and sans injury, hard not to put the peroxided gymnast at the top of the pile.
Caio stayed busy, looked tinny before connecting strongly with a closeout section, which he belted with the loose authority of Matt Hoy in his prime. He dominated a sleepy Jordy Smith and wildcard Crosby Colapinto.
Filipe will make a great forty-year old, hopefully retired by then with two world titles under his belt, the last delivered at macking Pipeline which he surfed on painkillers before retiring with a bad back. That back, susceptible to flaring up under pressure and stress, which we know our Pip feels most dreadfully is also having the paradoxical effect of freeing Pip from expectation.
He surfed loose and nice. It calms him down.
In the presser later he made it clear he had let go.
But miracles do happen. A win here. A three-foot day at Backdoor.
Gabe started his heat with two misses. One closeout the drone shot showed him desperately paddling into had me worried for a brief moment. Was he cracking after the French result, where he had a shocker at La Nord?
No, no.
Just going back to the Medina template of hoovering up anything that moved, chewing it up and spitting out the gristle. Surfing a beachbreak with Gabe Medina is not an unpleasant experience. He moves through the line-up so definitively, with so much variety and geographical scope he may as well be surfing a different break.
He’s down the beach, he’s fifty yards away, he’s right next to you paddling for a wave that didn’t even look like a wave. It’s a continuously moving feeding frenzy on a bait ball. Fins and spray everywhere.
Gabe landed a full rotation on his backhand and judges paid the slightly messy completion. It was not a hard heat for him.
The Australians were mostly compressed into the middle heats of the day. Am I the only one completely bored shitless by Australian surfing at the moment? Trying to figure out why. We have – for the first time ever?- no World Title contender. No genuine excitement machine. The next gen contenders, J-dub and Owen, look distracted and contented with family life. Callinan looks like a top ten surfer who may have a good year or three in him. The rest, honest journeymen.
Where is the future? Recycling Matt Banting and Ethan Ewing?
If, despite our previous testy exchange, High Performance Director Kim Crane takes my call, I will find out what the top brass have in mind. From this perspective the future looks, not bleak, but bland.
Owen and Ryan end up in the losers round, the rest through.
One thing that will never bore is a Kelly heat. Anything Kelly, realistically. The last Mic’d up episode, featuring Kelly at his Tub was fascinating, in a slow-motion car crash kind of way. Kelly in the hands of a self-serving, self-promoting “healer”, being spiritually micro-managed despite an obvious resistance to the process.
A million kinds of weird. You have to watch.
The tide had come in, the wind a little lighter, the waves marginally improved for Kelly’s heat. He started strong, fresh and crispy as a baby cos lettuce. So loose on the redirects. He failed by a millimetre to lay down a lofted oop.
Rode the wave of the day just after the buzzer. Got through easily.
He continues to confound. To amaze and repel us in equal measure. In the water, it’s pure amaze. I know that makes no sense, but if Wozzle can make no sense, me too.
Provisionally.
MEO Rip Curl Pro Portugal Men’s Elimination Round 2 Matchups:
HEAT 1: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Ricardo Christie (NZL) vs. Miguel Blanco (PRT)
HEAT 2: Seth Moniz (HAW) vs. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) vs. Crosby Colapinto (USA)
HEAT 3: Ryan Callinan (AUS) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA) vs. Frederico Morais (PRT)
HEAT 4: Michel Bourez (FRA) vs. Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Soli Bailey (AUS)
MEO Rip Curl Pro Portugal Men’s Seeding Round 1 Results:
HEAT 1: Willian Cardoso (BRA) 10.60 DEF. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 8.83, Ricardo Christie (NZL) 5.50
HEAT 2: Griffin Colapinto (USA) 10.96 DEF. Kolohe Andino (USA) 9.20, Soli Bailey (AUS) 7.74
HEAT 3: Yago Dora (BRA) 13.56 DEF. Italo Ferreira (BRA) 12.37, Frederico Morais (PRT) 8.37
HEAT 4: Caio Ibelli (BRA) 10.84 DEF. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 8.30, Crosby Colapinto (USA) 5.17
HEAT 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 11.70 DEF. Vasco Ribeiro (PRT) 9.56, Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 9.33
HEAT 6: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 14.67 DEF. Joan Duru (FRA) 8.60, Miguel Blanco (PRT) 6.80
HEAT 7: Jack Freestone (AUS) 10.30 DEF. Jadson Andre (BRA) 9.53, Owen Wright (AUS) 8.73
HEAT 8: Deivid Silva (BRA) 11.34 DEF. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 9.16, Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 6.43
HEAT 9: Julian Wilson (AUS) 12.66 DEF. Conner Coffin (USA) 10.97, Jesse Mendes (BRA) 7.33
HEAT 10: Peterson Crisanto (BRA) 11.04 DEF. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 8.77, Seth Moniz (HAW) 5.47
HEAT 11: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 11.50 DEF. Wade Carmichael (AUS) 10.13, Ryan Callinan (AUS) 6.76
HEAT 12: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 12.27 DEF. Kelly Slater (USA) 11.00, Michel Bourez (FRA) 8.06
joel turpel and Rosie comments, opinions, stupid interviews are the reason why i never watch any of these contests. Surfing is by far the worst sport to watch i surfed my all life and i cant watch this for more than one minute.
i miss parko too 🙁
I honestly thought ‘the best post-contest analysis in surfing’, was the redacted text! ‘How funny!’ I thought. But no. Still a fun read. And the Kelly Mic’d Up … so uncomfortable. I’m surprised it got published, but it showed Kelly is actually human – and that’s nice.
FFS LT , ” If, despite our previous testy exchange, High Performance Director Kim Crane takes my call, I will find out what the top brass have in mind. From this perspective the future looks, not bleak, but bland.”
this has been discussed at length for years we are now seeing the result of Starky’s vision of providing jobs for the boys , big budgets for coaches , HPSC for journeymen , set up a great infrastructure , conned the Govts for more money , all these fucking parasites have raped and pillaged the future of our kids who dream of the glory of our former status as one of surfings leading surf nations , providing us with multiple world champs….who have been party to the SA/HPSC…..
So yeah go ahead and ask Kim , WTF?
The first time I heard about the Chumash Indians was from an article in a surfing mag and a 3rd generation local at Rincon , when asked by a blow in if he was a local replied “ Am I a Chumash Indian ? “ .
I watched Blade Runner 2 again the other day and was very displeased what they had done to your beloved SD . Enjoy the weekend brother
Griffin and Crosby are cool names but I would’ve gone with Pepsi.
Hmm what if Coco Ho ends up marrying one of them?!
Listen up Pin Dick
If a man wants talk about his anxiety and publicly talk about his fears and insecurities isn’t a terrible thing.
THE FACT his achieved more than u or i or all us could ever hope too isn’t the argument.
His putting his hand up and getting support.
piss and giggle all you want comparing dicks at the toilet wall.
I respect more Kelly for kowing his a real human and tr
y
i
n
g.
o
nly his best
No chance of getting a big head if your peers are there with a big pin to pop it .Boom . Laughter is the best medicine .
It’s hot or cold ? We grew up under the real threat of nuclear annihilation during the Cold War , and survived to tell the tale , and today’s kids are growing up under the threat of Global Warming . Let’s hope they have as much fun as we did .
I hope you gave the former Bells Beach Pro Champ a bit of stick about the use of webs ?
Long read:
https://www.google.com.au/a…
Very flawed analysis, imho.
He’s a good guy. Lance..ugh…well you know. Richie stands alone. Sure could make a floater a legit critical move. Big Southside HB 10-12 ft closeout acid drops from atop a building that collapsing onto you and if you don’t stick that floater and.get.the hell out of the way, ya get throttled
Amtrak train spotting accustomed board sitter.
Doesn’t SUP nor shortboard. He just fucking sits there. Like he was the one that taught Jordy that stare into the settings sun as it splashes its last green flash. It’s Incredible. It’s incredible sulk.
Just kidding.
I know enough to stay away from that kind of stuff.
Also can’t be arsed with the tax burden complications for short-term investments.
My ADHD cant deal with the paperwork.
I liked your take on Ricardo’s last gasp, and having just watched that Kelly weirdness (well, 7min of it was all I could manage), the difference is stunning. One is a young man with a healthy grown-up mind, the other not so much.
I suspect that Ricardo will do very well once off the tour for good, and that Kelly will just get more and more weird.
Heck you did well to make it to the 7min mark…
I’m still claiming my fictitious winnings!
2 of 2. Bang on.
I’m going to quit my job and play the stock market.
guy stays up all night watching crap so he can write crap?
Sounds like someone needs an ice bath with Will Smith.
It’s just interesting,reading “middle men” blogs.
Longtom Hoping for hits to get 5c talking down a 11 time world champ via a internet feed.
Pays Long toms dues no doubt.
But a pathetic way to live a life.
he fact Kelly has come out to and shown his got a life coach and dealing with anxiety with support is amazing!
The crap written on this forum because he showed his human may be a good indication of why surfers suicide is so high but unreported.
The high incidence of Surfer Suicide just doesn’t sell
Write a decent article on it and back it up w data on actual correlation between surfing and suicide. Or at least post a link to something.
It sounds like a worthy topic. Not fun, but worthy to think about.
Definitely worth thinking about, I almost brought it up in ‘quit-lit’ due to my infrequent surfs these days cos a crapload of my old surf mates took that way out and now its harder to find someone I can get stoked and enjoy a surf with like I used to.
A situation I’d never thought about. But not sure if that’s above average the general population or what ?
I was thinking about it on my ride home. But can’t expand much now. Gotta wrangle kids / dinner.
Bit harsh there Laird. I think Longtom actually highlights Kelly’s amazing constitution and that powerful inner drive he has in wanting still to compete, to win and be the best, how he is pushing the ageism boundary way out there for what’s possible, which, when scrutinized by keen observers and good writers like Longtom, who is not afraid to make sharp observations about some of the people there on Kelly’s fringes too, well, it all makes for a fascinating ongoing story about Kelly’s brilliance, his added eccentricities etc. Such reporting, I think, is certainly far from “running him down”. As for describing writing such reports as “pathetic way to live a life”, you are of course entitled to your opinion, like we all are. But I certainly agree with you about the silence of the snarling black dog and the many such stories that we in the wider surf community, sadly, all know about. Cheers.
If Kelly is dealing with anxiety, is it Doctoral-y prescribed Surf Theraflu, error, I mean Therapy.that prescribes routine.dosage of 11 MilliGRAMS of InstaGram Trolinxi (Farm OK logical name) twice weekly?
He has dual citizenship. China was the one offering a Team spot conditioned upon surrender of US citizenship in exchange for $1M(?) contract to compete along with additional sponsorships. It also included all expense paid camping trip for as long you “wanted” to stay. Camp activities included complimentary sweatsuit, or maybe it was shop, and mentored instruction on wetsuit manufacture skills
“run the contests interchangeably depending on the storm track”
YUP.