Not for the faint of heart.
Let’s quickly go through all of the sorts of surfing in our modern day and age. We have: High performance shortboard, fish, single fin, traditional longboarding, high-performance longboarding, big wave gunning and mid-lengthing. Does that sum it up more or less? Am I forgetting any and don’t you dare raise your hand and say, “SUP, foil, foil SUP” for those are not surfing but rather abominations that Satan himself planted on this earth.
Now, I would very much like to rank these in order of best to worst but need your help with the top half of the draw. And before you raise your hand, again, and say, “Just surf the appropriate board for the day…” please put it down because we are all Hardened Purists™ here and can rank best to worst competently.
Which is best?
And where does high-performance longboarding go? Oh, maybe you haven’t witnessed its evolution. Let’s watch professional Taylor Jensen at Waco.
What about now? Mind changed? Blown?
Chris Dixon and Frank: please email [email protected] from the address you'd like your BeachGrit login on.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
you forgot about low performance shortboarding
why doesn’t he buy a surfboard?
Pretty sure this belongs on the Inertia.
abomination.
Was the poor man having some sort of fit, or spasm attack?
His leg motions upset me.
Please flag this as NSFW due to potential to cause emotional upset.
The long board equivilent of the prerequisite air reverse for short boarders?
The longboard equivalent of using old salami from the sales rack at the deli counter to masturbate with, while laying in the bread aisle.
Just because it’s kinda possible, doesn’t mean you should. And certainly not where anyone can seen you.
I’m scared to ask, but how do you masturbate with the sales counter salami? You know what, I don’t wanna know.
I dunno. I just grabbed at an unwanted mental image as I hand (butt) crafted a single-estate artisanal, hi-perf log air-drop in my own porcelain micro-nocean (it has a tsunami setting!!!)
cheers buddy….
TMI, I know. sorry.
My M.O. generally.
Mmmmm….fishy salami!
Sorry, I thought nobody was looking
when compared to danes neckbeard model this board should be called the pedo-stache
See!*
It’s this kind of shit that drove people to join the Branch Davidians.
*not you Jen
Cue Joel Tudor decrying this abomination through a haze of smoke.
Imagine his rage if our HPLB friend celebrated his manoeuvre with a few beers.
That’s it. I’m competing in female gymnastics.
See you on the mat Simone.
As a frequent logger, I reject this. It’s awkward, ugly and purposeless. You know who else could do this? Medina, John John, Italo, Jordy, Kolohe, Mason etc. And it would probably look better, but it would still be stupid. Pro HPLB is for guys that can’t make it as a pro on a short board and sow their mediocre talent into a shallow field.
For that alone they have my respect! If Miki Dora was around today he’d be a pro HPLBer!
“As a frequent logger…” is as pretentious as opening with “as a film student…”
Proglog is the new log. Michael Bay makes great movies. Deal with it.
upvote for “Proglog”
I’m claiming it
log on log claim? pretty gross, but doesn’t get any more proglog than that!
Claiming it while wearing a long sleeve rashie over short John and knee leggy
good choice, a long wettie can really deform the log when forcing it out of the leg.
I’m also a fan of the liquid log option, leaving a nice long brown line through the water. Classy claims.
It’s good, i claimed Progjoh, in the past when a mate wanted to pickup a Jehovahs Witness lady who was married, unhappily so, but married nonetheless. Progjoh allowed for extra marital relationships and divorce amongst other progressive things that we could offer to the Jehovahs Witness community. Suffice to say we were never Jehovahs Witness and the girl stayed with her husband. That was the end of Progjoh.
Griffin Colapinto claimed it first.
Proglog is an oxymoron in the realms of a 4-sided triangle
U mad bro?! Is it because of my comment, or ’cause everyone hates on Nickelback?
PS- I love Michael Bay. “Fast cars are my only vice”
weve got a pro hplb in our town….
Taylor originated as a Norman occupational surname (meaning tailor) in France It is derived from the Old French tailleur (“cutter”), which is in turn derived from the Late Latin taliator, from taliare (“to cut”).
Jensen literally means son of Jens. Jens is: gift from God’.
And Odin, Frigg, Thor, Loki, Balder, Hod, Heimdall and Tyr all looked down and pondered “what variety of gift shall we bestow on this youngster?” Tyr suggested some really nice retreads, Heimdall a novelty VAL t-shirt, Hod enthusiastically put forward a leather cape made from stowaway rats, Balder wanted Wright’s brand scalp ointment as always, Loki said “it should be something simple, something low key” and then giggled to himself like a dick hole, Thor set fire to something, Frigg wanted it to be the gentleman’s guide to swearing and sexual euphemism. “No!” said Odin, “You’re all a bunch of fucking kooks. Last night I was out in the forest, it was cold, it’s always cold, and I was bored. To pass the time I was spearing my high performance short boards into pine trees. Then, suddenly, I missed the pine and hit a yeeeew tree. “What the cunts is this” I thought. And there it was, like magic, the tree gone, our gift to the boy. The first ever high performance log.” “But long boards are fucking gay!” said Frigg. “Oh Frigg” answered Odin, “I’ve told you before about your slurs on the gays, it’s not on. This is no ordinary long board, on this one, the right waxhead will cut sick.” “Cut? Tayler, yeeeeew!!!!” they all shouted like a bunch of fuck knuckles.
With a board that long he looked like he was climbing the stairway to heaven rather than impersonating Superman ? Little Petey Crisanto’s version on Sunday was way better .
I was surprised how little back lash those 2 little ‘supermans’ brought. Jordy did one a while ago and cracked a right flogging on the interwebs.
A single fin chop between the legs will soon put a stop to this nonsense.
I can’t tell if HPLB is the worst ever or the most “fuck your rules” thing in surfing.
prob both?
No need for mutual exclusivity when dealing with this garbage.
its been a very long time since I was blown and that video is , if my memory serves me correctly, a poor substitute.
If only you lived closer…