A new growth market?
The Mormon institution Brigham Young University made history this weekend by being the very first landlocked school to compete in a surf competition and what could be a more wonderfully fitting story on this early Saturday morning, a day generally dominated by collegiate football? As you of course know, BYU has produced some real stars in that sport including Steve Young and Ty Detmer. An extremely kind and clean-cut surf star now also seems a real possibility.
As I wasn’t in attendance, we must turn the school’s paper The Daily Universe for more.
This is the first competition that the team has competed in. Considering the team had not practiced in two months, they placed 14th out of 31 teams. The club is in a league with 31 schools from California, Florida, and Hawaii.
“We didn’t win, of course, but it was definitely a good result for a team that hasn’t practiced in two months,” said Christian Bowcutt, member of the BYU surf club.
Jordy Collins, a member of the BYU Surf Club, placed first in his heats all day. He got 5th place overall.
Utah is a landlocked state, so it adds an extra challenge for getting enough practice for their competitions. The team has alternative ways of practicing. They have found river waves in Spanish Fork, Ogden, and Provo. They also use something called a tarp wave, where they skateboard underneath a tarp that makes them feel as if they were surfing under a wave.
And congratulations to BYU. Beating 17 ocean-fronting states is wildly impressive and I think the unique training schemes must be credited with the success but, quickly, how much do Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranches cost to build? 30 million? 50 million? Do you think the World Surf League will try to squash the revelation that a very similar design can be constructed for $8.50 and directly lead to impressive results?
Will Kelly Slater be rolled out personally to provide back-handed compliments to the young Mormons?
More as the disinformation campaign begins.
Cheese dick Chas, I’m only telling you this ” because I love you “.
BYU has a campus in Hawaii.
All its competitive surfers were drawn from said campus.
We should swap shark recipe’s cheese dick chas….shark fin soup is proved to heal that rash
So they are clearing out a lineup somewhere so a bunch of mormon tarp surfers can get 14th place in a no name contest? Jesus Christ.
No: Joseph Smith.
Let’s not forget BYU has a campus out on the North Shore.
Tarp surfing was better in the 70’s.
Brothers Ammon and Hiram are known to affix a plastic nameplate, with their names etched on it, to their plain white rash guards.
LOL
Get a really big tarp then jump off a 20 ft wall and you have Chopes. Rub yourself all over with a cheese grater for the full effect.
Don’t forget to squeeze lime colored tarps on the cuts …. ?
Biggest problem with being a surfing Mormon is that all believers are reunited in the afterlife. Perfect recipe for a crowded lineup in heaven.Which sounds like hell to me.
Never being hungover probably helps. It might help me if it ever happened
Not too far removed from when I would skate, baked on cheap diesel, down to the pub. There were a couple of overhanging hedges I would duck under to get the green barrel.
Are you claiming a foil(age) barrel cb?
Chuh, dude!
(Disclosure: I have no idea what that means)
I got the spelling wrong, it’s foliage, not foilage, although that is a word too.
I guess there’s nothing wrong with being a foliage rider, unless it be on foil of course.
Carry on.
I wot done the research on that.
‘Foilage’ is a common word slippage-thing and is taken as writ by certain segments of the populace.
Fuckin drives my pedantic bones nuts though. My wife says it and I have to grind my teeth to hold my tongue.
Stop foiling around …. you may end up foiling on your own sword …. while fencing in the suburbs ?
Marge Simpson pronounces it “foilage” though…
Check out Michel Foucault’s seminal suburban Skate Opus ……
Histoire de la folie / foliage / foil age à l’âge classique …….
Bush barrels are the best! Especially if there is a slanted driveway to bank a power slide off after
I am not coping with the absence of coping in these comments …. giggles
They want to know what your other seven wives are doing?
Dear Mormon University Surf Team,
While your stance is ideal,
the act of pigdogging (natural stance) is reserved strictly for lefts.
As is trimming on the left side rail,
Sincerely,
Superworm
Pioneering the frontside tube ass-drag! A 10 every time.
I think they only do missionary?
Must be hard at the Mormon Surf Comps ….. Surfer in White ( with black slacks and a name tag ) up and riding …. ?
The Dollop have done some (3 maybe) podcasts on the founders of and people involved in the Mormon cult. Worth checking out. Also The Dwarves song; Salt Lake City, which I would post here, but I posted yesterday so don’t want to hog the narrative.
Oh, hog it!
Vans Pro is good today!
Pretty much every other time that I check BG headlines, I also have to ask myself if it’s April 1st, but Invariably one realizes it’s just some honest reporting of the unvarnished truth.
frank by name .
/fraŋk/
adjective
open, honest, and direct in speech or writing, especially when dealing with unpalatable matters.
The WSL couldn’t squash the spirit of the grumpy local, let alone such cost effective surf terraining.
Be Kelly. Be why you?
Anyone who “practices” surfing shot be lined up against a wall and shot!
While I’m strongly against capital punishment, this statement does make me consider reconsidering that stance.
And people wonder why the political situation in Ireland is so fraught…