Happy Halloween!
And can you believe that this professional surf Olympic qualifying season is basically over? Almost finished? I can’t. I can’t at all as it seems like just yesterday we were introduced to the concept of “Olympic Surfing?” altogether. That we were forced to wrap our minds around precious medals hanging around wetsuit tanned necks etc. but we’re here, excited, thrilled and Kanoa Igarashi.
The Huntington Beach transplant will be surfing for Japan, locked and loaded, and how wonderful is that? In this day and age he represents a beautiful trans-national success story. Parents bravely crossing borders, oceans, barriers in order to realize professional surf dreams for their youth. A wild victory.
An unmitigated success.
The American dream.
Plus Kolohe Andino confirmed for the United States of America. What better story could there be? A legacy surfer from Moldova’s legacy wearing the Stars and Stripes as he waltzes in to Tokyo’s opening ceremony. Surfing for gold, surfing for us.
Except the last American slot is up for grabs. According to the World Surf League’s wave forecasting partner:
Despite missing half the season due to his ruptured ACL and subsequent surgery, Florence is still in the top 10 on the CT rankings, and 3,130 points ahead of Slater. So, that means that it will come down to the Pipe Masters to decide who gets to join Kolohe Andino on the US Olympic surf team.
But what will it take for Slater to overcome Florence and snatch the Olympic qualification? We reached out to the Evan Quarnstrom – media manager for the ISA and Olympics qualification expert – for a breakdown of the John vs. Kelly scenario:
If Florence does not compete, Slater would need a fifth-place finish in Pipe to pass him. Seth Moniz would need a second-place finish, with Slater getting no better than third.
If Florence does compete, a third-place finish would guarantee him the slot, even if Slater wins.
Do you think the Kelly Slater of Sound Waves fame and recent form will get a fifth at Pipe?
Oh, he very well might but I will claim right now, if he does it is because the Biggest Little Website in Surf pushed this narrative right here thereby infuriating the 11 x World Champion while inspiring his Svengali Charlie Blackman to conjure up some dark, dark magic and kick our hero over the line.
A gold medal for us, the passive viewer, either way!
No?
More as the story develops.
RORER 714
those were so good… Sofer’s were weak.
Seems like BG the #1 surf website in the world (maybe) has its own little bot army. #botsarethepeopletoo
Nobody surfs for NonJohn, not even NonJohn.
Kelly is still 10th best in the world and still a top draw at waves of consequence like chopes and pipe. He is more competitive than any of us can possibly understand. And if he continues to EARN his spot on the tour, then who gives two shits whether or not he continues competing? He has earned the right to do whatever he goddamn well pleases. Kelly is to surf what Tiger is to Golf, and every tour competitor better thank their lucky stars a talent like this came through when it did, or else they would all be slinging burgers and fries.
Damn straight. Not to mention JJF hasn’t surfed in 5 1/2 contests and is in 8th place.
Chas overcome with self importance and the small power his site has? I certainly hope so,
Follow it up with “just sayin”
*provisional
I was trying to imply , in all silliness , that I felt like a 2nd class citizen at BG ….
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I like the DIY punk inspired graphics !
In 1996 Ireland sent a little midget of a swimmer to the summer games in Atlanta. She was ten years older than all her competitors and about a foot shorter. She had never won anything of note but had recently married a banned Dutch discus thrower (or maybe he was a shot putter), and her form had improved dramatically. Amazingly Michelle Smith went on to win three gold medals and a bronze. The Irish media and Irish journalists rejoiced. It was sacrilegious to suggest something might be amiss. But at the Olympics there are real journalists who don’t play nice, they asked difficult questions, and eventually they created enough heat that poor Michelle eventually got caught pouring whiskey into her piss sample in a moment of panic when a drug tester called. Not all Irish journalists were drinking the kool aid though. David Walsh was responsible to a certain degree in bringing down Lance Armstrong. He would write later about a moment when as a young reporter he heard pills rattling in his friend’s bag. His friend being the champion cyclist Sean Kelly, he knew the moment between choosing to be a fan and a journalist had arrived. These journalists don’t believe in miracles, faith healers, magical thinking or pass off incredible longevity without casting a cyclical eye.
Can you imagine the questions that Kelly would be asked by real sports journalists about his longevity at the Olympics if he did qualify? Poor Kelly who has only ever had to deal with a fawning surf media would have to answer questions posed by hungry journalists eager to make a name for themselves. “How many times have you been tested for PEDs in the past ten or even twenty years Kelly?” they may ask! To paraphrase Laird the hungry journalists will zero in on him like a shark on an ovulating woman. Can you imagine the questions they will ask Owen Wright about his concussion and about where the hell his two time world champion sister is? All these guys going to the Olympics better be on guard, they look to me like lambs to the slaughter, softened up by a media that has only produced one article of note about Andy Irons death. Brad Melekian’s piece wasn’t of course published by the surf media. The old adage be careful what you wish for comes to mind!
Mmm, grilled lamb…
Mutton dressed as lamb
and what happened to my hair?
Ummmm nah mate: https://www.youtube.com/wat…
That kind of proves my point, the reporter backed down straight away. If he tries going on the offensive out in Japan it won’t be dropped so easily!
He’s a big boy, pretty sure he can handle a few questions mate.
He’s a defensive little boy.
wish there was more of that!
Yeah but yeah we do lots of snarking here on the comments about rumours of poofing drug use and abuse of under age girls. Maybe this should be called beach snark
No no underage girls is strictly the domain of stab. Just snarking here.
the real wall of positive noise
I think the fawning is there, but for the most part it has been surf journalism that has been loathe to bite the hand that feeds them. This is one reason IMO that Beachgrit is becoming more and more successful.
Not only the winningest but also the whiningest
Dear Chas , As a non American Surfer I feel abused , like a 2nd class citizen , by your statement about Kolohe “ surfing for us. “ . Could you please replace it with surfing for “some of us ” or …..“us from the US “ to please the international fraternity / sorority who are possibly not rooting for Kolohe …. giggles
you see obama calling that out… I always liked him..
Marry me and you’ll get citizenship
Thanks SSD …. I’ve come to say , I can’t marry you today , cause my wife won’t let me ….
Too late, already bought the ring
Goody ( Proctor with the Devil ) . I’ll just contact ELo so he can capture our ELopement .
Is All Saints ( Todos Santos ) a holiday in So Cal ?
I’m reliably informed the marriage is legal in Salt Lake City.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
I’m not going either …. Knowing my luck I’d get booked by a Mormon ? Numbers are declining but they still represent over 50% of the Population .
Welcome 2020, where forgetting capitals can be classed as abuse…
sTop misgendering words!
*Thath’s a hate crhaame mahhn * Soiboi grimace voice – Pic attached for reference https://uploads.disquscdn.c… –
Beto O Dorke!
Upvote for ‘giggles’
Pig of Steel ! Who woke up the Giggler ? ….. It’s Alarming ….. giggling again
You surfing for Germany Bicko? Fuck yeah man, then we would have someone to root for (root in the American definition amigo)!!!
Bicko for BG!!!!!! Go getum James!!!!
Germany has some very talented young surfers from Florida , Costa Rica and other warm surfing nations around the globe …… No Country for Old Men without a passport .
I went to sleep giddy, I had a new reason to watch the Olympics because I need a lot of reasons to actually watch the Olympics because I hate the Olympics.
Jimbo, you were that reason. We could have all bonded behind your flag…. the BG flag. Holding our breath on your every take off. Over scoring your rides in our heads and becoming incensed with the judging should they fail to see the scores we had. STuff like that. The live BG thread would go bezerk.
And when you’re on that pedestal with the supermodel hanging that gold pendant around your neck and you’re looking down on JJF and Medina, silver and bronze, DR and Chas can sell this bar for double. Win/Win/Win/Win.
I shall drive to work today somber of what could have been. And I won’t get to see your teary eyed Bob Costas soft lens profile on NBC prior to your final heat.
Profoundly grieving, Hipp
I retired , with a win , July 2009 at the ripe old age of 44 riding a Tokoro , shaped in Spain , acquired in France , just to give it an international flavor . Comboed the field of youngsters in a Summer Club Contest in front a lot of spectators , just next to the flagged bathing area ….. Even got a tube in the shorey …. got out, walked off to work 5 minutes before the end of the heat and thought it was a good time to hang up the leggy at 44 …. Before all my hair fell out ! No one knew and none cared …. tears , a few beers . Cheers Hippy
yah brother, walk away “dropping the mic’. That’s the call, straight to work.
I think people forget that Kelly does a bit more then surf. He is a scratch golfer, runs multiple companies, and has dabbled in acting. Surfing is his main thing but fuck he has done a lot more then most people.
no disrespect to Kelly, but I wonder how much “running” he does in those companies?
Ruining …..oops running . Or running like the bulls at Bayonne ….. on the way to their destiny ?
runs them into the ground more like it
I love it when everyone says “no disrespect” (but we all know it actually means the opposite haha classic)
My bullshit metre flares into the red zone
The Kardashians market themselves as multi-taskers too, doesn’t mean they deserve respect for it. Now that I think of it, Kelly would fit right in there…
Is ‘scratch golf’ like that thing where you have an itch on one part of your back and you go to great lengths (tools, door frames etc) to get it, then another itch pops up a few inches away?
My God, I see the kookings are out tonight in full force tonight on All Hallows’. Keep truckin’.
Chas, you have driven a nail in the kelly narrative now as well (or maybe it was the WSL’s ELo driven van that killed it). Either way, night time or day time, I am done.. Loved him when AI and Kelly were going at it, lost all interest afterwards… I still remember Japan, on shore seeming, large waves, gray as hell itself.. the two of them kicking the shit out of each other. I am done. Good for him.. don’t want to beat a dead horse or an old dog. He still rips.
From surfer
“Later on, after the fans and crew had drifted away from the beach, Taj Burrow wrote emails in the office of the event at Hebara Beach and reflected on what he had seen. He knew what happened was more than just about ratings points or world titles — it was about the magic that can happen when everything comes together. “Kelly was surfing better than I had ever seen anyone surf, but that wave Andy got — he deserved to win,” he said. “It was the best final I’ve ever seen.”
By the headline it sounds like you may have been listening to Joe Rogan a bit much?
I’ve only listened when he spoke with our hero. Does Joe love cripples?
Yes. It seems that Joe loves “cripples” and UFO’s.
What do you love?
Surfing!
And Shark Stories !
Me too.
Beach Grit!!
mettams and toms
check out the Courtney Dauwalter one. superwoman
Vodka!
The one with Taylor Knox is quite good if you’re interested in bow hunting…
Whoops, I mean Shane Dorian
Pretty sure you mean Ross Williams not Taylor Knox..
Haha oh yeah
Actually we’re both wrong
I really meant Shane Dorian (and had had a few too many beers etc haha)
Mainly he talks about DMT though, with anyone and everyone who will etc etc
Kelly will win pipe, qualify for the olympics, and then come out and date Mom John,
The final flex.
He will still be haunting us though. I remember one time I saw Terry Richardson sitting on the inside in his fucken paddling gloves. I was thinking I would try run him over when I get the chance but later on he landed a pretty sweet little reverse right in front of me and I was forever smitten. Legends don’t die unfortunately.
Forever mitten?
slater will be welcomed out…
With a party? Are you invited?
you drunk already? excited too much…