General White
General White

The “Great White Death” comes to England’s shore as dolphin bitten in half by shark washes up in Cornwall!

"...an ocean predator may be lurking nearby."

The Black Death, or Bubonic Plague, first reached England’s verdant pendulum in the summer of 1348. It moved swiftly from the coast to London and by the summer of 1349 between 40% to 60% of the country’s population was buried dead in the ground. A very sad year, indeed and I imagine there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth from bereaved relatives.

The plague returned again a decade later, knocking out 20% of the population and again every five to twelve years until scientists figured out its root cause and eradicated the horror.

The English breathed easy all the way until the autumn of 2019 when an even greater terror washed up on its cold but grey but cold shore.

The Great White Death. The shark-pocalypse. The probable end of surfing and surf culture worldwide and nothing, not even the writhing in pain, bleeding from mouth, gangrene-inducing Black Death can hold a candle to this new outbreak. The closest a Great White has ever come to England, before now, was a good two-hundred miles off the British soil in the Bay of Biscay and that was in 1977.

Oh don’t have to take my word for it. Newsweek also knows the truth and let us turn there immediately.

A dolphin carcass that appeared to be missing large portions of its body washed up on a British beach this week, sparking fears than an ocean predator may be lurking nearby.

Images of the remains, which were found at Harlyn Bay in Cornwall, were posted to Facebook by a local environmental group called Beach Guardian CIC on Tuesday. In the pictures, the mammal appeared to be missing chunks of its bottom half and many of its bones were visible.

Rob Stevenson, who works at Beach Guardian, did not speculate on how it died, but told Cornwall Live that residents should be careful around the remains.

The Shark Trust, a U.K. conservation group, says over 40 species of shark have been spotted off the British coast, with at least 21 species living in the waters all year round. Species include the Thresher, Nursehound, Porbeagle and Tope and Basking, Blue and Shortfin Mako.

The white shark is not one of them, at least not yet.

“At least not yet” is one of the most ominous phrases in our language. That and having to be careful around the dolphin’s remains. Do you think the “lurking ocean predator” is crafting a new, deadly bubonic-type illness?

More as the story develops.

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Cristián Burr
Cristián Burr
6 years ago

These types of titles only scary people and prompt mass shark killing, I find it inappropriate and missleading. Let us not forget our place

rwvbwl
rwvbwl
6 years ago

Heya Chas,
ain’t ya figured it out yet???
Thee Ocean, it is not a f**kin’ swimmin’ pool, it is a much larger version of yourz,
mine, every~one elses aquarium, + if ya put a bug into it, it, {you} just might be seen as food,
get bitten, or golly~gee, even eaten alive, maybe even consumed completely!

Don’t surf, bro!
Betcha your wife~y+kidz don’t want ya to be another statistic, ya knowz???
hahaha…

rwvbwl
rwvbwl
6 years ago
Reply to  rwvbwl

In Other News:
American Diver Survives Shark Attack off Mexico Baja Beach
Link~ie here, before Chas can getz some quotes from it to get some extra clickz:
https://www.usnews.com/news…

rwvbwl
rwvbwl
6 years ago
Reply to  rwvbwl

And in other breaking news:
Sad sight’ as body of harbour porpoise
washes up on East Lothian beach with ‘propeller wound’

Dang, ‘nother dolphin killed, in England, this 1 by man~kind:
https://www.edinburghlive.c…

Superworm
Superworm
6 years ago

Brexshark

Shampoo Poo
Shampoo Poo
6 years ago

Heads up everyone…they’re sharks in the ocean and they might bite/kill you.

Aloha emoji.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago

Boom. It’s the same Great White that are an innocent dolphin!

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago

“Thresher, Nursehound, Porbeagle and Tope and Basking, Blue and Shortfin Mako”
With the Mako as an exception..these have to be the most limey ass pommie whinger sounding “sharks” that I’ve ever heard!!
“Look out old chum, that’s a Porbeagle closing in you chap”
“Not a bother, I fought off a frightfully tough Nurshound just the other noon, my word what a fight he put up”
“Jolly Good show, thank heavens it wasn’t a Tope, uncivilised oaf’s that they are”

Hippy
Hippy
6 years ago

the real tragedy will occur when Chas runs out of file footage of great white sharks.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Fear not! I mean… fear! But don’t I always surprise?

Hippy
Hippy
6 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

eternal trust

Mudrock
Mudrock
6 years ago

Sometime in early 2019, Mr Smith and Mr Rielly were shooting the breeze and the topic of sharks came up. Smith’s confident drawl came down the line: “What’s the bet I can write 100 shark articles between now and the end of the year?”
“What shall we wager?” cried Rielly. “Name your terms!” etc.

MaxNeoprene
MaxNeoprene
6 years ago

Saw a big coyote walking thru SF yesterday morning with half a black cat in its mouth: just back legs and tail. Badass as fuck !!! And the coyote knew it

Snowbored
Snowbored
6 years ago

News flash!

Great White Shark confronts marine literary authorities about human shark troll.
Suspect described as skinny, slightly pale, skinny-jeaned, pink shirt, unkempt hair, cigarette smoking, rarely surfs, and prone to lapses of literary sense. Enjoys long walks on the beach and sunsets at wave pools.

All species of sharks (including nurse and land) are told to exercise caution in their own habitat, and not to bite skinny white legs/toes unless absolutely necessary:

MaxNeoprene
MaxNeoprene
6 years ago
Reply to  Snowbored

But suspect did turn me onto Letterkenny. Great show. Even for you schmelts. Ferda.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Snowbored

Seriously though… admit you were a little pleased to re-learn the exact dates of the bubonic plague.

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

A highlight for me.

Snowbored
Snowbored
6 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

I was very impressed with the history!

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

Considering the amount of seals, it’s surprising to note the absence of such beasts.
There are a number of orca clans around up north, I think.

The other issue is the 200 years of increasing fishing intensity from pretty much every European country.

A popular Edwardian sporting pursuit for such-minded English gentlemen was to row out in the smallest boat they could find, and catch the biggest tuna they could…which they would then feed to the dogs. Fucking MASSIVE tuna, huge bastards, wasted. No wonder the breeding size of several important fish species is now barely longer than a your arm.

Humans are are horrible.

Kook Dahanamoku
Kook Dahanamoku
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

You wouldn’t be saying that if your were a skinny English dog who just scored a week’s worth of high-quality sashimi.

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

Woof!

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

“Humans are are horrible.”

are are you a pirate?

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Are are?

Oh I see it now.

Yes, I’m owning that boo boo.

Are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are Kelly.

I believe I can fly.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Hahahahahahhahaha!

SSD
SSD
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

A Portuguese and a purse seiner will bring in all the tuna! Not so good for the dolphins but feeding millions of humans and dogs around the world.

https://youtu.be/iaTsgsDSNx0

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
6 years ago

Surely these waters were once full of the bastards!

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago

they called him flipper, flipper

stinky
stinky
6 years ago

No mutilated dolphin corpse photo? How am I supposed to get off without that?

@surfads
@surfads
6 years ago

I’m sure whatever type of shark was involved in the attack, it didn’t do it on porpoise.


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