Come for the brush fire, stay and get eaten.
And have you ever been baited then switched? Sold a bill of goods? Bought a Rolex for a shockingly low price from a friendly man on the streets of New York City but, contrary to the watch maker’s sterling reputation, have it break soon thereafter?
Oh we’ve all fallen for scenarios we know, with our heads, too good to be true. The heart, though, it wants what it wants and Australia’s very smart tourism board is capitalizing on this very human trait in order to lure Brexit-weary British visitors to their sun and fire scorched, Great White shark ravaged island and let’s quickly read about the ploy on onetime news leader CNN:
Australian tourism officials are banking on Kylie Minogue to convince British tourists to take a break from all the political drama at home and take in the sights Australia has to offer.
The Grammy-winning singer, songwriter and actress stars in a humorous, three-minute music video that aired on British TV right before Queen Elizabeth II’s annual Christmas broadcast.
“I’m such a proud Australian that I’ve spent most of my life travelling around the world sharing my stories of Australia with anyone who would listen, so I kind of feel like a walking tourism advert for Australia already,” she said in a statement.
More than 700,000 people visited Australia from the UK in the year ending in June, according to Tourism Australia, making it the fourth-largest source of tourists behind China, New Zealand and the United States. They spent AUD $3.4 billion ($2.4 billion USD, £ 1.8 billion), but that’s down from the previous year.
“It’s no secret that the UK has been going through a period of uncertainty, and this has had an impact on outbound travel, including to Australia where numbers have dipped in recent months,” Tourism Minister Simon Birmingham said in a statement.
They’re hoping that the campaign, and Minogue’s popularity in the UK will encourage more tourists.
Very exciting but what will these hordes of British visitors think when they are met with a burning Eucalyptus tree? When their pasty, pale skin literally melts off their slightly-deformed bones from record-breaking heat waves? When they finally get to the beach and stumble across a human foot left behind by an extra-large “man-eating’ Great White shark?
Will they feel duped?
They shouldn’t.
I would trade my American citizenship tomorrow for an opportunity to live in apocalyptic Australia.
Would you have me, mates?
The Disqus comment controls are back in English! No more Portuguese. Nice. And no more Brazilian flag avatars. But one thing that has never changed is Chas using all the provocative shark keywords like “man-eating” and “shark-ravaged’ to really piss off the shark huggers and incite them to comment here about how wrong our perceptions of sharks are. And forward links to all their shark loving friends who then comment on how we should change our anti-shark views and just love them instead. Chas is like the Jerry Springer of surf!
Fucken hell !
Tourism Aus trying hard !
Meanwhile all normal cunts are going, “fuck off ya pommie wankers.”
Same here in NZ – just fuck off ! No one loves ya – touro cunts.
Touro cunt – “Why do you not want us in your country ?”
astro – “ You don’t add anything to my life. You detract from my life.
You benefit a wanker hire car company and a few petrol stations and supermarkets.
Your presence is an offence.
Fuck off, cunt.”
Get a skill that’s actually valuable to the world, and…true story…Australia will take you in.
Or be useless but wealthy.
The land of luxury living with no tommorow ,
NZers shouldn’t be on that list. To be classed as a Tourist you actually have to (a) go home and (b) spend foreign money in the country.
“Brush” fire. Lol.
Apart from Kylie this is the worst thing I have seen on the internet in 2019. Yep, worse than pipelinegate.
Tell all your friends how horrible this article is and how uneducated the authors views are. And have them comment about how backwards and horrible his perceptions of sharks are. You might be able to change his mind and convert him to a shark hugger.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Yesss!!
They used to let anyone in here
I think you’ve blown it
Tell you the great thing about climate apocalypse they could have capitalised on: there’s heaps less mosquitoes.
Chas, I could see you fitting right into a working class coastal adjacent area like Dapto, Windale, Kempsey, Geelong, anywhere along the SA desert coast
There is zero mozzies this year eh?
haha the Dale.. where every man is a king in a tapout shirt after few tokes on the glass bbq.
you just named a bunch of places with dog tracks. you suggesting chas is a dish licker or a punter?
Trade it in Chas! You could live in a coastal mansion with a (by comparison) very small investment of your earth dollars in our fucked economy. And.. if you pick the right part of the coast and are willing to surf with a million others, you’ll be immune to the shark scourge.. “netted” beaches and all that…
On the down side, there’s the fire smoke that is now a permanent fixture on the east coast, drought = soon to be level 2 water restrictions = 4 minute showers and a filthy car, Kylie ass sightings are less frequent than in the 90’s-00’s, a pseudo conservative government with a largely absent leadership model, and the omnipresent threat of toothy cunt fish if you want an uncrowded wave. Not a bad place to call home all in all though.
La la la
La la la-la-la
La la la
La la la-la-la
La la la
La la la-la-la
La la la
La la la-la-la
Cant get you out of my head
I think I liked better
This is a lazy translation Twillsy. Everyone knows that to turn English to Kiwi, you must move all the vowels across one, with the exception of the ‘i’ which skips ‘o’ to become a ‘u’.
A more correct interpretation would have been; “Inzid, ut’s leik Ozzie, bit bitter lookung end liss cunty”.
Excellent translation, just missing the inflection on the end to make it sound like we’re asking a question (we’re a lttle unsure of ourselves down here).
You’re right, eh.
The ads definitely missing the bushfire smoke haze and a few sharks; “you’ll struggle to breathe, and be torn to pieces by a white pointer at the beach”.
Or possible torn apart in a Woolies by a Daigou should you get there first.
But, but, there’s quokkas!
And there is also a scene at one of my formative beaches.
And it’s all being sold day by day to China.
Sorry WP.I just edited.
The positivo vote stands.
Is it true her ass is a registered “national treasure” in Australia? I heard that once and can’t get it out my head.
Only when wearing gold hot pants.
Arse – in Australia it’s called an arse.
Question.. Smartass, or smartarse? I’ve always used the ass spelling.. on revision, it should probably be spelt “ahhss”
Wow, very original ad campaign tourism Australia. Just missing Paul Hogan cooking shrimps on a BBQ.
Needs Murray from Flight of the Concords on to it
You’re thinking of Air New Zealand’s in flight safety presentations yeah?
https://www.anorak.co.uk/33…
I forgot about all those! So awesome. “Bring your Mum” is gold.
It just reminds me of my previous job. We’d been kicked out of our Ministry headquarters, set-up as a specialist ‘unit’ and put in a dark dingy rabbit warren. Our parent Ministry didn’t want to provide us with any of the art they held, so they put up framed 100% Pure campaign posters everywhere as a form of motivation… we weren’t even the part of the agency responsible for tourism. It was genuinely like working at the Nation Building Authority from Utopia in so many ways.
Not even a small part for this guy after all he’s done for his country?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Excuse my ignorance but I don’t recognize him?
https://youtu.be/9QCgqQdmr0M
Needs more Rolf Harris.
Australia has more creatures that can eat, poison or maim you to death. And that’s not even counting the animal kingdom.
This is so, so true..
And, on top of that, we’re keen to share them with tourists. I mean where else is there the number of backpacker murderers specifically targeting our thick wallet-ted visitors?