This time it's serious.
The holiday season is about so many wonderful things. Family, thankfulness, a giving spirit, delicious foods, being together, peace on earth etc. but it is mostly about sport. About winners and losers and sport and I’ll admit I was depressed in the days just after Italo Ferreira’s stirring win at the Pipe Masters for it officially ended the sporting portion of our favorite game. For professional surf fans, bleak winter begins early and doesn’t end until the sun comes up on Snapper Rocks this coming spring.
Sad.
But, as I was wallowing in the depths of despair, clicking across various surf and surf-adjacent media to see how others were coping, I had a powerful idea. What if we hosted a battle royale pitting different website’s “About Us” sections against each other in the sort of heat format we’re all used to and miss so much?
Oh, you know the About Us, the place on a website usually written prior to launch then left as a monument to big dreams and/or marketing-speak.
But About Who is best? About Who do you really and truly fall in love with?
There is only one way to determine.
Let’s get ready to rumble!
Heat 1 The Inertia vs. Stab
The Inertia is the new voice of surf, mountain, and outdoor culture. With a community of 2,000+ contributors, including icons as well as up-and-comers, we offer unique, energizing perspectives on all things related to the space through news, opinions, photos, videos, and art from the community’s most talented individuals. Founded in 2010, The Inertia reaches 1.5 million+ readers monthly and aims to make sustainable impacts on the world via partnerships with leading charitable organizations.
Vs.
Surfing ain’t long-hairs and doobie-suckers no more. Surfing is suited-and-booted stockbrokers. It’s university students who’ve smelt the roses and don’t swallow the evening news. It’s just-18-year-olds whose trunks end above the knee. Surfing is beavertails and logs and empowered women who ain’t adverse to a Brazilian cut, but it’s also 540s and double oops. Right now, surfing is goddamn hot and, most of all, inspired.
And Stab is inspired by it. In short, what’s this whole show about?
Big ideas and the endeavour to execute ‘em. Sometimes they don’t come off, but it’s better than wondering. Stab may be put together by a bunch of narcissistic and morally corrupt humans, but goddamn it, if we ain’t the most obsessive collective you ever did see… …while you were sleeping, our eyes stayed open.
Heat 2 Surfline vs. WSL
Our culture is founded on five core values that we treat as guiding lights in all that we do. They are: Bring Your Passion, Be Humble, Keep It Personal, Set Your Line, and Push Our Limits. These values are foundational to fulfilling our purpose for making ocean enthusiasts’ lives better.
Vs.
The World Surf League organizes the annual tour of professional surf competitions and broadcasts each event live at WorldSurfLeague.com where you can experience the athleticism, drama and adventure of competitive surfing — anywhere and anytime it’s on.
Travel alongside the world’s best male and female surfers to the most remote and exotic locations in the world. Fully immerse yourself in the sport of surfing with live event broadcasts, social updates, event highlights and commentary on desktop and mobile.
Heat 3 Surfer vs. The Surfer’s Journal
In 1960, SURFER Magazine began as the original, and with our long history of delivering on the promise we began with, SURFER has earned its moniker as The Bible of the Sport. That promise, quite simply, was to offer you a slice of the entire surfing world with each issue, through an array of provocative and insightful editorial features, revealing interviews, and most of all, our award winning state-of-the-art photography.
Vs.
As a reader-supported surf publication, The Surfer’s Journal is a truly unique periodical. It’s an independent take on the surfing experience with just six sponsors, making each 132-page issue almost entirely editorial. We delve into topics that get little attention elsewhere, covering travel adventures, surfboard design, profiles of surfing’s most colorful subjects, and the choicest surf photography in every issue. Coupled with the premium construction, The Surfer’s Journal is a product that is peerless in its quality and content.
Heat 4 Tracks vs. CoastalWatch
Tracks is the brand which blazes a trail into surfing’s future without forgetting to occasionally look in the rear vision mirror.
Relentlessly creative and restlessly innovative, Tracks will always strive to make you see surfing and surf culture in new and engaging ways.
Our design style is progressive with a strong focus on emphasizing the unique elements of every story and subject matter. Meanwhile, Tracks editorial strives to be entertaining in a rip your head off kind of way.
It is Tracks who ordains surfing’s heroes, brings colourful characters to life and captures the essence of what it is to be a surfer in the modern world. We boast the most dynamic contributor list of any Australian surfing magazine and our motto is “Boredom is The Enemy.”
Vs.
Since its inception in 1998, Coastalwatch has been committed to bringing the coast to you. With live camera vision, forecasts and news and features from around the country’s coast, it’s grown into the Australia’s most comprehensive coastal reference site.
Using our camera network and working with some of the country’s pre-eminent coastal scientists our monitoring arm, CoastalCOMS, provides vital real-time data on beach erosion, risk and surf quality for councils and governments, lifeguards and rescue services.
Decide the winner of each heat below…
And Merry Christmas to all!
*Last
https://www.fuknoath.com/FU…
our skateboarding cousins always make us look like tennis playing jocks.
Should I consider it foreshadowing that Disqus now appears in Portuguese on my web browser?
Meanwhile…the Volcom Pipe Pro is surely the highlight of the CT offseason, right?
you didnt want to read about some obscure guy from the 70s obscure shaped board?
I don’t mind the retro articles. The mandate to have some artist from New Jersey who once rode a wave when he was 15 years old gets a bit tedious.
baldies are represented well.
Be good to get a writer in there twenties writing about Pro surfing.
Well Chuck Dukowski, I couldn’t agree more. You know of any? Because I don’t. At Pipeline last week, I was the only surf writer present. Dan Duane was wandering around the Red Bull house, but much as I like Dan, he has got to be 50. Where the fuck was everyone else who pretends to an interest in this game? When do they think there will be an event more worth attending?
they are all waiting for the olympics.
The olympics are so overrated. Some sports and cultures are better than the massively corrupt, doping, money grabbing olympic world of big money, politcs and sports officials – surfing is one of those for sure.
but these pro cunts don’t give a fuck. complain about drilling in the bight but drive their 4wds through the water, take 100 flights a year and 150 boards. fuck em.
yawn
could it be because surfing as a sport is lower on the totem pole than netball?
You know dr katz I was wondering if it’s because surfing as a fascinating raw new culture in the west has totally run its course. The newness of it is what drew a lot of young talented writers and photographers to it in the 1960s and 70s, they felt an opportunity to observe and record something quite different to anything their parents had seen or imagined. If I was young now and coming into surfing, I think I might just see it as something my Dad did.
Agree. There was a time when surf media was kind of rare and special.
Special because it was rare. Mesmerizing, in a way.
Surf magazines only came once a month and surf movies came through town maybe every couple of months and it was hard to get that information.
When surf contests were shown on Wide World of Sports it was a huge deal and everyone went home to watch them.
Now it’s just overabundance. Dilution. There is so much media on your phone, your Google Glasses, your wristwatch, the center screen(s) on your Tesla(s).
Yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda Yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda Yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda Yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda
Nothing is special anymore.
There are dozens of people all babbling about the same thing.
And the style and look and color and sound of surfing – especially in the 1970s – was very very appealing.
Now? Not so much. Too in your face.
Right?
Can I get an amen?
Amen
Ubiquity breeds contempt.
It is possible to get too much of a so-so interesting thing.
Just like excessive use of ‘consumables’ perhaps…
the governing body freaking out at any dissension despite being completely inept is a huge hindrance. the only people interested in surfing is surfers. the WSL have been painfully slow in figuring this out. less viewers than a 8th rate food blogger.
Inept?
You should be so inept.
How is the WSL inept?
They run very smooth, very expensive contests in exotic difficult locations and the broadcasts are smooth and pro.
The broadcasters leave something to be desired by it’s the old 50/50 rule. No matter what you do, 50% of the people will love it, 50% won’t.
You must be one of those know-nothing, sideline-sitting bitchgripe.com whiners who don’t know shit they praise on Fox News.
You’re inept.
hahahaha. that. was. awesome.
Not a single one Mr Carroll more is the pity. The online content of visuals has taken away the narrative of potential writers. Stab in the dark guess… I’ve been wrong before.
Writers in their 20s are few and far between because:
1. There’s waaaaaay too many people doing it now.
2. There’s no money in it.
3. It’s really not that interesting, and has been diluted by #1 and #5.
4. There’s waaaaaay too many people doing it now.
5. Writing about surfing has been commoned and cheapened by the Internet and various authors.
6. All of the above.
Why write about others, the best of the best , ( not to be confused with the soul (selling) surfers who can’t make one air in a 40 minute airshow heat ) while you’re still young , when you can make a Vlog , like Ben Gravy , and talk about your shitty B grade Surfing in Woeful D grade waves ….Instead ? Look at me Dad ( I am 3 going on 30 ) …. I am standing up …. badly ?
Mike C over at Stab , though he looks like a 10 year old with a beard , is a talented 20 something surfer and is making progress as a surf journalist .
My morning was looking good till you reminded me that that ben gravy twit actually exists haha
Sorry Crusty …. you could always put him on the meat and potatoes …. if you are a omnivore of course ?
Ooh arrr, meat and potatoes
Oi loikes me sum simpil tucka
I like Ben Gravy. I like his attitude, I like that he goes out in the worst conditions
Jimmy I have surfed shit worse than that for over 40 years on a regular basis , in the sun and in the cold but was just too stupid to think it was newsworthy and jump on the gravy train … Happy Holidays Jimmy !
You lost me at The Inertia.
Tracks was good in the 70’s and 80’s. Surfing World was the best in the 80’s.
Surfer turned to shit about the same time smelly skater hit the bigtime.
Australian Surfing Life was best in 90s’.
Surfers Journal is in its own class (like SW used to be)
I read religiously , like a zealot , Tracks in its Newspaper form , from 1975 till 1990 even though the K#nts refused a few printable photos of myself flying skyward at the time when I needed the exposure …. I threw 15 years of the magazine into the bin in 91 during a period of darkness and then only occasionally perused the surfer’s bible ( Tracks not Surfer …. ? ) until 2008 December issue where the K#nts redeemed themselves by printing my name correctly in an article titled Lords of the Nulla when I didn’t give a shit anymore ….. Now if only they hadn’t put Kelly on the cover .
Surfing World was absolutely wonderful around the 78 to 85 period .
I saw Tony Edwards, the sainted creator* of Captain Goodvibes**, yesterday and wished Uncle Tony a splendid holiday season from everybody in the whole world!
* by which I mean he actually fucking created something.
**probably the greatest piece of evidence for the decline of surf culture over the years. The modern surfing world has no place for a Goodvibes.
I was a bit too young for goodvibes though did read it in dad’s copies of tracks.
Lash clone was brilliant as a 16 year old grommet though. And waves (?) later had gonadman, which was pretty lame but I guess as close as you could get.
I always thought Maynard and the rat was great, and even Wilbur kookmyer made me laugh.
Mind you all those things I’ve mentioned are 30 years old.
I don’t know what kids these days do for counter culture in the age of internet. I’m inclined to think they got screwed and don’t have anything of their own, hence the mania these days for nostalgia.
Or maybe the world just ran out of ideas.
Seems like the modern surfing world needs a Goodvibes more than ever, whether it realises it or not though…
The Pig of Steel knew no boundaries ! God I miss him …..
Was living in Manly 95-97.
I visited a guy I hung around with and surfed with back home and decided to stick around.
It was here that I found out the real him. An angry, shouting, septic ranga.(with a poop stance)
I wrote a good one to Tracks and they printed it( I couldn’t believe it)
It was about an angry ranga Seppo on a mal who was a shit surfer, barking in the line up at Manly.
No idea if he knew it was me( he loved to read Tracks)
Would never surf the Bower..how fucked is that?
Slightly off-topic:
Will California Assembly Bill 5 (AB5) wreak havoc for The Inertia and Stab’s Los Angeles location?
In light of what Vox did last week, it would appear certain peril lies in their near future.
Begs for a doomsday analysis from a self-taught Great White attack enthusiast like you Chas. Begs for stories with more as it develops don’t you think?
https://www.google.com/amp/…
Or the WSL? Sure seems like there’s at least 34, um, independent contractors pretty much under their control.
That thing is a shit-show of a fucking law. So many writers, photographers, musicians, theater people — yah, lots of people are getting really fucked over by it. Vox firing all their California-based freealancers sucks ass.
Anyway, there’s already one legal challenge to this thing — and I know Business Insider who employs a small army of freelance contractors has their lawyers taking a hard look at it. There’s also several counter-bills and amendments in the works for the next assembly session.
Basically, it seems that the author of the bill didn’t really look in a realistic way at how creatives use and sell contract services. It’s a very old-school labor union-influenced piece of legislation — which is sometimes good, but in this case, seems to have badly misread the situation on the ground. the assumption is that anyone working freelance or as a contract creative wants a full-time staff job and that ain’t the case for many, many of us. Like, at all.
Idk, we’ll see how this plays out in real life. I haven’t lost work off it, fortunately, but it’s always possible. Depending on what BI decides, one of my friends may lose his set-up there. And I ain’t going to throw stones at anyone who rolls the dice on compiying or not complying with it.
Annual
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
BeachGrit.com
BeachGrit was founded by disenfranchised outsiders who grew up in the 80s and 90s reading the surf magazines written by a Happy Few talented people who loved the drama and adventure of surfing and did a good job of getting it across – visually and literally.
You know what the difference is between then and now? https://www.youtube.com/wat…
We worshipped the magazines and thought – from afar – that surfing was cool and the surf industry was a cool thing to be a part of. We dreamed of getting out, getting anywhere, getting all the way to Orange County!!!! https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Unfortunately, we arrived after Y2K, long after that Roaring 90s party was way over and found that surfing had been corporatized and all the cool people had taken the money and run – or died from too much drugs and partying.
Surf stars were dying, print was dying, cool was dying, advertising was dying, the Internet was taking over, everybody’s grandma had a surf website, surf writers were now ubiquitous and common and that sucked all the specialness out of surf media.
All those factors explain the snarky, disappointed, negative tone of beachgrit.com.
We want to be as rich and cool and talented as the people and organizations we obsessively whine about and finger-point at. We want to be influencers!!!!
But we aren’t, and that makes us feel cheap, and we hope to cheapen all we survey.
And we hope the cheapness of our staff and followers helps us stand out from the other six-score surfing websites, and the hundreds of clowns all writing about the same thing.
Did we say snarky? We meant sharky, as we’ve found that people don’t really give a stuff about surfing or pro surfing or the Olympics or wave pools and they care more about shark attacks, so that’s what we run.
Shark attacks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl2dslwQ29w
Welcome to beachgrit.com, now sod off.
Is this your cover letter for your resume submission to Beach Grit Ben?
About time you evolved from me, me, me to we, we, we.
Them them them.
A dyslexic can’t spell them them them without me me me.
Rich yeah for sure who wouldn’t.
Cool what like the middle aged clothing rep that gets his ego massaged by college kids working at the local surf shop? Nah. Talented like the athletes for sure outside of them talent is thin on the ground I mean I’m here for the comments not the articles.
The Australian leg beginning with Snapper is actually in autumn Charles, due to being in the southern hemisphere.
Brazil, the home of the current world champion, is also situated south of the equator.
And because of this well known fact, the good old Ooh Ess of Ayy, has its pond splash in what is the winter for the majority of pro (and skilled amateur) surfers…………
grizzled vets in the front, grommies in the back of that charming holiday photo….. Chas and DR holding the middle strong.
Is that Sophie Goldschmidt in the photo? See? Beachgrit.com is just a shill for the WSL.
I’ve been looking for the first asterisk for about 3 hours.
How about a brown asterisk?
Leeches commingling
Bro ho bro, nothing to see
Leeches feeding free
The fluff is why I subscribe
I always thought the ‘about us’ was not to be read…but then along came Chas, tricked me into reading all of them in one sitting.
It’s clear from all these ‘About us’ blurbs that surf publications have grandiose delusions of greatness, holiness, authenticity and edginess that are not matched by reality…
Can’t a 15 foot great white swim through, tug on the Inertia’s leash and end this comp?
Wow Surfline’s is definitely the most offensive
….and the most vague and generic.
Winner – Tracks
They show boobs
How was the word Alaia left out of the Stab description?
Loser – Tracks
They once were the Zeitgeist and relevant ? And now written by dudes who seem to owe there allegiance to the US , Hawaii and South Africa …. why the fuck would I be happy if John John , Kolohe or Jordy won the World Title . Fuck I am happy for those surfers but not when they beat Australians ….. EVER ! ( Jarvis writes Zig Zag articles for Tracks while Mondy has often belittled Australian Surfers while blowing smoke up overseas surfers bums , which is ok but NOT IN TRACKS …. ? )
Gabby paddled out
Wearing a homemade PRESS pass
And burnt everyone
Leopards’ spots don’t change
Even if Gab’s spots are only
On his bikini
I am not fluent in haiku, but can you change bikini to shaving rash?
He may have to use Brazilian Wax ? Fu …..man chu