Are you ready to get grabbed by the pussy?

It is the first day of proper warm weather and you smile as you grab your board, leaving your wetsuit bunched in the corner. The chill is gone. You whistle as you walk to the beach which is already crowded with early season sun seekers. The lineup is crowded too with steady 3-4 foot swells pulsing from a distant southern storm. Warm. But you are too filled with joy to even be slightly bummed.

You jump in and your whole body feels lubed. Loose. Unrestricted.

After only three duck dives you are where you want to be and sit on your board, squirting water out of your hands while you wait for your wave.

Suddenly and without warning you feel something around your buttocks. A fish? Seaweed? No. It must be your imagination so you ignore. But then it starts probing, searching. Seductively. Sensually.

You spin around and look down expecting to see a small piece of driftwood but there, swimming beneath you with one arm outstretched and one finger wandering through your boardshorts is a foreign boy and suddenly your whole world collapses.

The horror. The horror.

And if you think the above is only fiction then get ready for a rude awakening. Sharks are no longer our biggest potential danger. A foreign molesting boy is and he is unjailed and ready to mingle! Let’s read about him in the Brisbane Times!

A Victorian teenager who groped several woman in the surf at a Gold Coast beach has avoided conviction.

The boy, who was born overseas and whose actual age is unknown owing to a lack of records, pleaded guilty to nine counts of sexual assault and three counts of common assault at a Children’s Court hearing at Southport on Wednesday.

He has been placed on a two-year probation order for what Judge David Kent described as “serious” offences.

The court heard the boy touched eight women aged between 15 and 24 in the surf at Surfers Paradise beach on January 12, 2016.

Prosecutor Nicholas McGhee told the court the assaults variously included the boy touching his victims’ buttocks, vaginas and breasts, sometimes under their bikinis.

Mr McGhee said after raising the alarm with a local lifeguard, several of the women identified the boy in the water swimming behind other complainants in “quite a predatory manner”.

“People should enjoy the right to have fun at the beach without being sexually assaulted or assaulted by a stranger,” Mr McGhee said.

Judge Kent ordered the boy to undergo a “positive sexuality” course as part of his probation and said while his immersion in a new culture partially explained his actions, it didn’t absolve him.

“This is obviously unacceptable behaviour but it is also criminal behaviour,” he said.

“Your behaviour had significant impact on at least two of the complainants.

“The impacts on them have been considerable.”

Now let’s play a fun game! Which country is the foreign boy from (and remember “foreign” to Australia)? I put five dollars on Saudi Arabia. Or li’l Barron Trump.