Man attempts your decapitation in the surf. Blames you. Your response?
Had a little dispute in the surf today. A scenario so outrageous I blew my top. Bared my teeth and strutted like a monkey. But, unlike most cases of chop-suey, I didn’t exit the stage pounding with adrenalin and awash with the usual feelings of shame or vows to seek anger management.
As Dylan Thomas once wrote, “When one burns one’s bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.”
This was righteous. Or maybe I’m wrong. You tell me.
Scenario #1
Clean three-foot runners off a mid-tide bank. Crowded but it ain’t out of control. You’re in a good mood so you wait your turn with what is probably uncharacteristic patience. Ten minutes into sesh, you grab your first wave. It grips the bank and you spiral down the line. Thirty yards later a not-very-good surfer spins, drops in, falls off and you collide. Boards tangled etc.
You come up, and again with what is probably uncharacteristic patience, decide that this world is too precious to sully with fighting and yelling. You grab your board and paddle away without saying a word. Suddenly, you hear the drop-in guy bark, “Sorry for crashing into you but you should have yelled out.” He is examining his 7s carbon-vector construction Super Fish for possible damage.
You find the scenario so difficult to comprehend your patience evaporates. What would you do?
Scenario #2
Fifteen minute after the collision, and after a reasonably hot discussion, you’re describing what happened to a pal. You see in the distance the the 7 carbon-vector construction Super Fish owner shaking his head at you. You paddle very fast to the shaking head. He reiterates his position that it is the surfer on the inside who takes all responsibility for a collision.
What would you do?
Have to run over and check the always handy “Surfers Code” posted top of the trail at Rincon to assess the appropriate rule. I believe the sign was the brainchild of Shaun Thompson after suffering a beating here in SB (though may be urban legend). https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
you can’t fix or beat the stupid out of someone, but it sure can be fun for jerkoffs like the 7s guy…if this story is real, you must surf in a very kookie spot. Find yourself a wave where this goober is afraid to paddle out, problem solved.
Given the only surf businesses making money are GSI and surf schools he is clearly at the cutting edge of surf progression and would naturally feel he knows more than most. The surf school said he does.
kill his entire family
Had an incident last fall pig dogging behind and through a section. Had I guy drop straight on top of me as I got to him.. Rolling around under water, boards clanging. I came up holding his leash guard. I lost my mind, tough guyed him, “puffed up like a blowfish”, made threats. He ended up paddling away muttering “So Sorry didn’t think you were going to make it…” I was so worked up it ruined most of the session.
I’m not a talker in the lineup, but that dude would’ve got an earful and a schooling after that type of shit.. That being said, I always yell out to fools trying to drop in, always. Had too many boards in the past get get dinged by flailing kooks. If it’s inevitable they’re going to drop in, I am a big fan of the high line or low line pass and a ‘hey what the fuck kook’ with a middle finger as bonus punctuation. Fucking kooks
Hell is other people
Blowing the offender a kiss is an old favourite for the 99% of delusional clowns who try to get uppity.
You have to be careful who you try it on though ‘cos if they’re a real Jew Shi-Tzu master you may have to paddle in quite quickly.
Life preservation tip: check for cauliflower ears before engaging.
This is especially effective with Brazos. Any Brazo with normal ears is a pretty-no-martial-arts kind, all huff
I always ditch my board in front of other surfers.
Here’s the rule for those not hazed and shamed into shape as groms.
“When paddling out to or within a break, it’s your responsibility to stay ‘the fuck’ out of the way of riders on waves.”http://www.surfline.com/sur…
What about the situation where people burn you knowing it’s their last wave in. They know they are getting out of a scolding and that there’s no consequences.
Yeah i usually get about 5 last waves in every session.
About 8 years ago some yuppie ditched his firewire (they were even more expensive at that time) in front of my then girlfriend as she was dropping in on a relatively steep section. No hesitation, she ran it over, and left it with some new perpendicular channels. He was mad, she said he shouldn’t ditch his board. It was that moment when I realized she’s a keeper.
Except years later wifey backs over your board in the garage and says…
Nice off the lip.
He’ll keep doing that until someone acts. Then he’ll call the cops.
How big a boy is he?
I would guess his height at six-feet, age twenty-five or so, hair red and thinning but hanging in tendrils down his face like a faggot-faced plaster Christ.
how do you think he would have responded to a wordless backhander?
Poorly, I’d imagine.
I’ve found that “stern education” is about as far as I go these days. Anything physical or aggressive makes me feel yuck when I come in from a surf, despite the fact that the wave I grew up surfing has turned to a complete and utter shit show. But if I get swung on that’s a different story…
Stern education with a few “cunts” and “fucks” sprinkled in
But of course!
Take… and give Derek!
Love! All you need is love… love is all you need
or…
Someone’s daughter!!!
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Surfer’s! When I still wasn’t anybody.. I worked a small stint for Clark Foam in Kahuku. Owl would come in there get you pull down every blank in the rack. to get the one he wanted. That guy danced to his own beat! The “Gun” blanks were usually up high.
#1 Smile. Smile at him like a fucking maniac. Look through his eyes to the back of his skull to the wish wash of the sea and beyond to the horizon grinning like Van Gogh after taking a bath in his own shit.
#2 Ask him his views on watering succulents during the summer. Ask him where his wife works. Tell him you have twin boys called penelope and samantha. They like acid but you’ve got a lid on it. Tell him you love him.
Did you write “the little book of calm” ? Your advice is amazing.
Going to have write #2 to the deck of my board..
Paddle over to him and tell him Negatron knows his IP range and is forever banning him from the comments section of Beachgrit.
Better yet have a friend like this paddle out on behalf of Negatron and drop some science on the mother f’er
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Yes – or that
I can tell you what I have done…… I was surfing with three people at the time on a well known right hander in the Indian Ocean (narrowing it down). Not exactly fucken crowded. This boat of balding loser 40+ cunts with reef booties rock up with something to prove. The pack was mostly civil but one cunt paddled around me 3 times. I’d been sitting there patiently for 15 minutes at this point. Wave came to me and the cunt. He paddled around behind me and took off. I dropped in and kicked out. Then I saw him carrying on like a pork chop way down the line. I was fucked by then so paddled towards the boat. He thought I was paddling towards him and he started getting aggro. He got about 5 words into whatever fucken bullshit he was saying and I punched him straight in the forehead. It was tricky in the water but managed to get some very good head shots in. He was fucked. Bleeding everywhere. Hopefully collapsed his eye socket etc. Got on my boat and flew home the next morning. There have been no repercussions thus far.
But what about peace and love Wiggs?
Nah, nice work. Always punch the nose. Totally disorientes them
These north coreans…
Bahahahahaaaa
Rumour has it you couldn’t go two rounds with a revolving door.
Oi I’ll fuck u up cunt