The sunshine state!
Oh it is good to be number one. To be able to tilt chin back, slightly, puff chest out, a touch, and walk down the street with extra long steps, arms swinging robustly. And today, Florida is metaphorically strutting its stuff having once again topped Australia, Reunion, South Africa and the entire rest of the world combined for most unprovoked shark attacks on human men in just-wrapped 2019.
Feel free to pop a bottle Yuengling and read the report yourself:
For decades, Florida has topped global charts in the number of shark attacks, and this trend continued in 2019. Florida’s 21 cases represent 51% of the U.S. total and 33% of unprovoked attacks worldwide. However, the state saw a significant drop from its most recent five-year annual average of 32 incidents.
Unprovoked shark attacks also occurred in Hawaii (9), California (3), and North Carolina (3), with single incidents in Georgia, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Carolina, and the Virgin Islands.
In Florida, Volusia County had the most shark attacks (9), representing 43% of the Florida total, in line with the five-year annual average of nine incidents in the area. The remaining incidents occurred in Brevard (2) and Duval (5) counties, with single incidents occurring in Broward, Martin, Nassau, Palm Beach, and St. Johns counties.
By way of comparison, Australia had 11 attacks, Reunion had 1 and South Africa, once brave and proud, had 0.
Hang your metaphorical head in shame, South Africa.
Deep, profound shame.
But surfers in South Africa celebrate and travel to Florida. You are snack number one!
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I think the commentariat should chip in for some SCUBA gear and a mic so Chas can go interview some sharks. Go to the source.
we need some Real Fake News.
Ah, very fitting!
Or in fox news case how things aren’t reported?
Those people?
Clearly with the coronaviris spreading out of control in Asia and killing hundreds of thousands .The WSL will have to cancel this year’s tour and award the title to the highest current point scorer’s.
That’s right, everyone’s a winner baby!
weird camera angle reveals how truly sinister these shark devils are! Fuck me this shit is serious,
Those grins…
Looks like a Guy Fawkes/ McDonalds Mac The Knife mix. Maybe a scream mask thrown in
The drama is real!
With stats like these, KSWC Florida should have had at least 57% of a better chance of breaking ground than they did.
Cannot unsee drama masks. Also cannot wait for the 2020 Coronavirus Pro to kick off so we put an end to these shark news.
Scientists have isolated the source of the Wuhan virus to snakes. Namely a fucking cobra snake. Now we’re worried about the coronavirus on planes. Snakes on a plane! Madness
Seriously!?!? They fuckin doin unnatural shit with snakes now???
Snake fuckers!!!
That’s one of the more extreme bestiality fetishes! Especially for dudes
Don’t be sexist. Women like snakes too. I mean, look at Alice Cooper.
Haha! Getting rooted by pythons is definitely for the adventurous
Havent seen my wife have you , especially after the skin shedding . Medusa had nothing in her.
Would that make them snakey fuckers or fucky sneakers ?. Chinky has absolutely no limits on what is considered edible or not. Now if we chum the oceans with a few thousand ( wouldn’t even make a blip on on their annual census ) of them of annually it should be a win win for everybody especially the surfers . Either the GWS and the rest of the clan are so spoiled for choice that they become completely sated after nibbling the floating noodles OR chinky turns the tables on them emasse in their kinky prediliction loaded state of minds for all things weird and wonderful like rhino horn and shag a shark so much so that the sharks end up with an inborn aversion to anything resembling mankind. Who needs population control when the answers right in our backyards .
Motherfucker! It’s real! Chinese krait and cobras are being sold at Wuhan market and God knows what the fuck those freaks do with them to catch a virus from them.
A weirdo I worked for had a bunch of snakes, including several rattlesnakes he kept in his garage. He said he had cobras and other highly illegal exotic death snakes in the past. I asked where the underground herpetologists got them, “simple, put em in a box and FedEx them around the world” he says. I said, shit man, what if the box breaks open? “Hmm, never thought of that”. So yeah, snakes on a plane and some poor baggage handler getting whacked by one. Oh yeah, the reason he only goes as heavy as rattlesnakes anymore? An associate he knew in Spring Valley got bit by a cobra and was dead before 911 picked up the phone. They never found the cobra in his house.
Cobras are going to be a thing in Florida within our lifetimes. A few have already escaped from their tweaker overlords. Just a matter of time. They are already thick with Burmese pythons and tons of other non-native species.
I concur. After talking with the snake dude, I tripped out on how bad things could go considering the idiots that traffic in them. As long as there is sufficient food supply, I suppose it’s just a matter of a male and or pregnant female to be let loose or escape. It would be bad in any area, but Hawaii would be absolutely fucked if any snakes get there.
The Hawaii scenario is terrifying. No predators, jungle, food everywhere. Kauai in particular….I don’t even want to think about that.
Yeah, medieval torture should be used on any mofo that tries to bring snakes on the islands. Same for the shitheads that brought in coqui frogs. Those things are terrible
Those frogs are the loud ones right? Bastards!
Fuck. The Spring Valley Cobras is a great name for a band.
Yes! Use it!
If you’re not familiar with Spring Valley, it’s a grimy spot just east of San Diego city limits. Commonly referred to as Sprung Valley because of the high amount of tweaks fiends per capita.
We finally committed to a name, but it’s tempting.
Cool! What’s the name? Can I hear it on SoundCloud or anything?
‘Chug’. Recording four or maybe more songs (including a Channelbottom lyric!) in mid Feb. Will have to work on the technology aspect to get it out there.
Perhaps a Beach Grit sponsored tour of the Australian and Indonesian legs of the WCT is on the cards?
Right on. Keep it up, playing music is good for you. Like surfing, helps keep you sane
And the snakes and sharks will soon have their annual confab on how to test mankinds existential ennui to the limits with guest appearances from either species from time to time topography permitting just to mix up the surfers and hikers confusion a bit more as they think they begin to get a handle on what motivates these man killing apex predators. Quiet clearly the Florida marinade is so much more tasty than Oz’s yum yum yellow with side dishes of honey and roasted koala. Very discerning bunch this crowd of guardians of the oceans, now roping in landborn nightmares to sandwich one in the ultimate challenge of all time . I see a new game in the offing here , Snakes and Sharks no ladders , any takers?
With mandatory snakes on backup vocals ?. Think I’ll give that one a pass Adam and Eve style.
I’ve seen the devil and he was smiling … both of them
Who got most provoked attacks?
Chas obviously, oh wait, you mean shark attacks
Moist
Walking on water has now become a reality .