A fine idea.

(Surf film is currently experiencing a golden age and since you are stuck indoors, alone, depressed, scared it will be a fine time to watch some. The following piece appears in the latest Surfer’s Journal. Subscribe here.)

At the last surf film screening I attended, I expected to be horrified and perhaps sickened by what I had been told would happen to the directors. Everything I’d read online about modern surf film insisted that it was a stupid, brutal, outdated business. Most surf journalists who wrote of surf film condemned the genre as utterly dead and worthless.

Even those who wrote well of it, as a historically significant exercise, deplored actually screening new films and were apologetic about the whole thing. The public shaming of the directors, in what were certain to be empty theaters—nobody there because nobody watches surf films anymore—was considered inevitable.I suppose that from a modern point of view, an Instagram point of view, the whole surf film charade is silly.

Who has time for anything more than a minute long? The best clips aren’t held for some archaic, long-form nonsense. They are instantly run up the flagpole, gathering likes and starry-eyed emojis by the megabyte, bringing a euphoric sense of self that psychologists at Cosmopolitan refer to as the “reward cycle.”Likes and starry-eyed emojis trigger the same dopamine receptors as winning money or eating chocolate, Cosmopolitan’s psychologists say. Likes and starry-eyed emojis, or sometimes heart-eyed emojis, that come straight from the user to the surfer himself or herself.

There is no need to wait months or years for clapping hands, loud whistles and “yew” shouts. No need for anything to be filtered through a director.I should not try to defend surf film or the surf film director, but I must tell honestly the things I have found to be true. I went to the Florida Surf Film Festival to see surf films and write about the various films for myself.

I thought they would be simple, boring, outdated, stupid, and that I would not like them very much. But I still had to go and learn and know what modern surf film truly felt like. I had to keep my eyes open, longer than a minute, and force my attention span to track along. I couldn’t allow myself to turn away when the directors went on stage to introduce their various surf films, gazing out at an audience of four who all also happen to be surf film directors.

Also, I went because I accidentally directed a surf film that would be playing at the festival, the second accidental surf film that I accidentally directed, and being on stage and gazing out at an audience of three who all happen to be sound engineers or possibly producers, letting the shame wash over me, would be a valuable exercise no matter how horrifying and sickening.

(Finish here!)

And subscribe to The Surf Network then binge ’til your eyes fall out!

Can't we all just get along?

And there it was, all teed up, ducks in a row, ready, aim, fire for surfing to finally, finally, finally emerge from the shadows and take its rightful place as World’s Best, Most Popular Sport. The Tokyo Olympic debut would, without doubt, vault it over tired, old sports like running in circles or swimming in straight lines. The “flair” and “panache” would be undeniable. Spectators would see, feel for themselves what the 8k – 10k surfing fans dotted around the world have known for years.

“You can’t script this.”

Also, “It takes a tour to make a title.”

Alas, no crowning of a new king, no naming of a new Pope, occurs without palace intrigue and in a stunning move it appears that swimmers and track + field athletes have colluded in order to keep professional competitive surfing marginalized and confusing.

Per ESPN:

USA Track & Field is joining USA Swimming in calling for the U.S. Olympic & Paralympic Committee to push for a postponement of the Tokyo Olympics.

In a letter tweeted by the USATF on Saturday, CEO Max Siegel wrote that it would be challenging for athletes to “properly train in a safe and adequate environment” amid the worldwide coronavirus pandemic.

“We acknowledge that there are no perfect answers, and that this is a very complex and difficult decision,” Siegel wrote, “but this position at least provides our athletes with the comfort of knowing that they will have adequate time to properly prepare themselves physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to participate in a safe and successful Olympic Games.”

USA Track did not provide a timeline for a postponement, unlike USA Swimming CEO Tim Hinchey, who wrote to the USOPC on Friday asking it to pursue a one-year Games postponement.

That means the sports that accounted for 65 of America’s 121 medals and 175 of its 554 athletes at the last Summer Games are on record in urging, in Siegel’s words, “the USOPC, as a leader within the Olympic Movement, to use its voice and speak up for the athletes.”

The leader of the third sport that makes up the backbone of the Olympics — gymnastics — has sent a survey to athletes, asking for their thoughts on what the USA Gymnastics stance should be.

If those surveys are made public I know what they will read.

Biggest fear:

1) Losing sexy to surfing

2) Coronavirus pandemic

It’s a shame that running, swimming and soon gymnastics can’t be more magnanimous.

Let's keep our eyes on the ball.

But while everyone in the entire world is “self-quarantining” and “self-isolating” and being very scared of microscopic novel Cornonaviruses did you ever wonder if there might be an extremely intelligent apex-apex-apex predator circling around just waiting for humanity’s distraction in order to mete out a fate worse than death?

Consider.

“Man-eating” Great White sharks began an unprecedented and coordinated attack on surfers just eight months ago.

Next, apex-apex predator Killer Whales began toying with those same “man-eating” Great Whites.

Snacking on their livers etc.

Munching delicious pate.

Very scary but then the Chinese Virus hit and everyone lost track of the thread.

Of the true menace.

Terror.

Etc.

Oh I don’t know what it is either. I only know we were getting close to it, much like in HBO’s new The Outsider, but then Chinese Virus…

Though can we gather ourselves for one moment and wonder?

What did this?

The above just released, buried, but absolutely terrifying photograph.

Xi Jinping?

Michael Pence?

More as the story develops.