"Defiant, smart, abusive."

When the whole entire world is put under lock and key, it is extremely difficult to police properly. There are simply not enough jackbooted law enforcement officers, state park rangers, lifeguards to make certain that seven billion people are shuddering inside their homes, hiding from the Coronavirus with curtains drawn etc. Not going outside, to the park or, even worse, the beach.

Thankfully, and if we have learned anything from Hitler’s Germany, Stalin’s Russia, Pol Pot’s Cambodia, it is that many people are more than happy to papier-mâché little swastika badges at home and play collaborator.

But shall we hurry to New Zealand’s Hot Water Beach where one lone volunteer sturmabteilung is being abused by surfers for his brave work on behalf of the state?

A Hot Water Beach resident abused whilst trying to stop lockdown flouting surfers says he won’t give-up on his mission to keep the waters clear.

The man, who wanted to remain anonymous so he could remain unrecognisable to the law breaking surfers, says despite his best efforts, the Coromandel surf beach remained a popular spot.

On Saturday, April 4, police released updated guidelines around Alert Level 4 rules and provided clarity around what was acceptable bubble behaviour – that included a ban on swimming or water-based activities such as surfing or boating.

But just days later, the Hot Water Beach local counted around 20 surfers in the ocean. As Easter weekend rolled in, there continued to be a steady stream.

When he confronted them, he was abused.

“Since lockdown​ started I’ve been trying to educate the people of Hot Water Beach, but I’m not getting very far,” he says.

“They’re very defiant and have been very smart and abusive and they’re making a lot of noise to be noticed.”

He says he’s well-aware that being a “squeaky wheel” wouldn’t do him any favours with the surfing community, but his priority was keeping the community safe.

Should “Defiant, Smart, Abusive” be BeachGrit’s new tagline?

Also, could it be possible that this anonymous man is, in fact, Ken “Skindog” Collins?

More as the story develops.

The hypocrisy!

Hypocrisy is a many splendored thing, ain’t it just though? Hypocrisy and social-distancing laws determined to keep the cold leather of freshly-polished jackboot on the neck of surfers, baseball enthusiasts and playground basketball aficionados. To keep all of our games illegal and especially surfing.

Santa Cruz fell just before the weekend, city officials bending to the mighty will of local son Ken “Skindog” Collins, cancelling surfing for the foreseeable future.

Your town or city is certainly next and once the joy of being an outlaw wears off, the frustration will settle in, especially when you are gazing mournfully at empty waves then almost hit by an aggressive peloton of spandex-clad bicyclists riding shoulder to shoulder, passing their Coronaviruses back and forth with the greatest of ease.

The hypocrisy and why, do you think, that surfing was so easily and readily banned by coastal hamlets around the world but Tour de France-esque play is encouraged? But let us see for ourselves in Malibu, California.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-2d8rOhaa1/

Oh I don’t want to tattle on bicyclists but…. never mind.

I do.

There are very few things more annoying than an aggressive peloton of spandex-clad bicyclists riding shoulder to shoulder especially when they are taking up the entire right lane and I’m in my car trying to do something important.

Like surf.

But never mind, again. No tattling. Out of water surfers should take up a new pastime like Adam Sandler and his young friend.

Go home!

I wake up this morning an outlaw, a misdemean* with a rotten attitude and matching sneer. Parents pull their children six feet away from me when I saunter down the street. Grown grandchildren pull their grandparents even further.

A real tough, which is yet another silver lining to this Coronavirus Apocalypse where totalitarianism reigns and surfers must learn to fight The Man once again.

The Man and the VAL.

But do you think it’s possible that this moment right here is the moment surf localism takes root once more? That our own grandchildren will someday sit on our knees while we regale them with stories about once more becoming bad?

I hope.

I trust.

David Lee Scales and I chatted with Ron Shine of Boardporn fame, from bad Rockaway Beach in New York, about surfers hardening up. About surfers flexing dormant muscles and shouting at interlopers then David Lee and I peeled away and chatted other various nonsense.

Our best show yet?

No.

We did it remotely and will never do such again.

Shame on us.

*If a felon commits felonies I assume that a misdemean commits misdemeanors.