Breaking: Malibu surfers “enraged, incensed” as Coronavirus Gestapo allows bicyclists to freely travel in “disease-ridden pelotons!”

The hypocrisy!

Hypocrisy is a many splendored thing, ain’t it just though? Hypocrisy and social-distancing laws determined to keep the cold leather of freshly-polished jackboot on the neck of surfers, baseball enthusiasts and playground basketball aficionados. To keep all of our games illegal and especially surfing.

Santa Cruz fell just before the weekend, city officials bending to the mighty will of local son Ken “Skindog” Collins, cancelling surfing for the foreseeable future.

Your town or city is certainly next and once the joy of being an outlaw wears off, the frustration will settle in, especially when you are gazing mournfully at empty waves then almost hit by an aggressive peloton of spandex-clad bicyclists riding shoulder to shoulder, passing their Coronaviruses back and forth with the greatest of ease.

The hypocrisy and why, do you think, that surfing was so easily and readily banned by coastal hamlets around the world but Tour de France-esque play is encouraged? But let us see for ourselves in Malibu, California.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-2d8rOhaa1/

Oh I don’t want to tattle on bicyclists but…. never mind.

I do.

There are very few things more annoying than an aggressive peloton of spandex-clad bicyclists riding shoulder to shoulder especially when they are taking up the entire right lane and I’m in my car trying to do something important.

Like surf.

But never mind, again. No tattling. Out of water surfers should take up a new pastime like Adam Sandler and his young friend.

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Christian S. Molnar
Christian S. Molnar
6 years ago

Less Kooky, I think not. Nothing says gay, like a paddle board.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago

Well, let’s make surfing unaffordable again. MASA!

Mista Spakle
Mista Spakle
6 years ago

dirt FTW!–

K0o_o0K
K0o_o0K
6 years ago

…Bagging on spandex with both legs stretched into a wetsuit that was too small for you long before that butt-hole came about.

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago

Road Grit

Shore pound
Shore pound
6 years ago

Go to the parking lot of any mountain biking trail and you will find the goober-iest bunch of overly invested well off VALs than any surf spot. It’s a magnet for these dudes.

robbieBDP
robbieBDP
6 years ago

Actually, the driver is the kook for using his phone whilst passing multiple cyclists.

Party Pete
Party Pete
6 years ago

Surfers : There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Cyclists. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand.
Things you shouldn’t understand.
Cyclists : I don’t understand.
Surfers : You don’t wanna get mixed up with a passtime like me. I’m a loner, Cyclists. A rebel. So long, Cyclists.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Bikeini.!!
Boom!!

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Back when cyclists hated work as Mooch as surfers.

https://youtu.be/UBJOszaSn8k

frank
frank
6 years ago

I rode my BMX today, but after 25 minutes the wheel went crooked because one of the axel nuts was loose, and I had to walk it home. So basically, yeah that was my lame day.

Mista Spakle
Mista Spakle
6 years ago
Reply to  frank

been getting into BMX since stuck on land —it’s pretty fun and surprisingly challenging and a lot of work

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Red lycra?

Huli Opu
Huli Opu
6 years ago

The only legitimate biking is me in aloha print baggies and rubba slippahs riding a rusty old beach cruiser w/ bald tires careening down the NS bike path, coffee in hand with my lab puppy perched precariously on a milk crate I attached to the handlebars with an old surf leash, all while I’m having a naughty squiz at cute wahine okole in g-bangers.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Huli Opu

No helmet?
Here they make you wear a helmet and a nappy/diaper
Butt plug optional.
When they bust me for no helmet I tell em my name is nao ingles.

Huli Opu
Huli Opu
6 years ago

nah I tried a helmet once but I ended up spilling coffee all over my olos

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago

At least you got the butt plug

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Billy Hunt

Highly recommended!

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago
Reply to  Huli Opu

Single speed diehard for me. Never had a bike with gears that I liked as much as a smooth beach cruiser or BMX bike.

Mista Spakle
Mista Spakle
6 years ago
Reply to  Huli Opu

bmx……fun and gets dangerous quickly,,,,

M.
M.
6 years ago

You got it ass backwards. Road cycling is fucking awesome. The best. No tides, no onshore and no grumpy locals. The perfect sport to pick up as an adult. Everybody already knows how to do it. No learning and consequently no vulnerability, just adults.
Go out there and get yourself a bike. Forget surfing, it’s a fucking drag, it’s illegal, it’s hard, it’s demeaning and to top it all of you might catch the virus. Cycling on the other hand, the best.

PS if cycling isn’t your thing, I can also recommend rock climbing and cross country running.

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
6 years ago
Reply to  M.

Oh and make sure you buy all the right gear to do these things.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Sooner or later the VAL has to run out of money for wavestorms.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Throwing money down the storm drain.

Return of the Samsung Board
Return of the Samsung Board
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

And you can wear it all to the cafe! Even the helmet! Not to mention the shaving

Craven Morehead
Craven Morehead
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Get the gear!

M.
M.
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Definitely, but first you should read all the blogs and watch all the YouTube tutorials.

M.
M.
6 years ago
Reply to  M.

FYI http://www.roadgrit.com is still for sale.

Subantarctic Communist Sealion
Subantarctic Communist Sealion
6 years ago
Reply to  M.

Cycling and surfing are not mutually exclusive. They complement each other quite well. If you are just surfing you might get tiny noodle leg syndrome.

Mista Spakle
Mista Spakle
6 years ago

too intelligent for beachrot

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

It’s high time surfers got our own Tour Defiance.

Dick Simmons
Dick Simmons
6 years ago

Should have fired a beer across his head like Mac. https://youtu.be/1oIy0E_3yJk

Christian S. Molnar
Christian S. Molnar
6 years ago
Reply to  Dick Simmons

Pure class

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
6 years ago

My rebellious nature is beginning wonder if it’s time for surfers to take a stand against the ignorant banning of our beloved sport. If we were to organize multiple groups of surfers in every area of the US (and other areas of the world, if sensible to do so) where beaches have been closed, all paddle out at exactly the same time, observe “social distancing” guidelines, and surf until the authorities stopped us, what could they do? Their enforcement would require a massive and relatively consistent response. If fined, EVERYBODY could threaten to take their cases to court. At the very least, there would likely be much opportunity for publicity.

Return of the Samsung Board
Return of the Samsung Board
6 years ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

Ha ha are you joking? Every time a “community” of surfers try to keep surfing but in a “conscientious” way, it all turns to shit once a few good sets come through

Once in the water it’s all back to old habits

Christian S. Molnar
Christian S. Molnar
6 years ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

Well the man could probably build more spandex only designated bike lanes with all the collected fines or take out a contract on The Laird.

Gino
Gino
6 years ago

Bike racing cancelled in Victoria, but still able to surf.
Story in Vic today about a couple who were fined for going to beach by police. Thing is..they posted pictures of themselves there from last year on FB. Appears police were looking at their FB page.

Craven Morehead
Craven Morehead
6 years ago

Damn butt darts

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago

I like to ride, but rarely/never on the road and fucken never in spandex! It does seem ridiculous that a group can ride so close given the current authoritarian laws in place on gatherings. Wonder what Prather has to say about bad air and the peloton?

Jordy's pout
Jordy's pout
6 years ago

You don’t hide some cushioned lycra under your regular shorts to save your perenium from annihilation? I know you’re harbouring spandex! Come on, won’t you feel so, so much better once you’re not holding onto that heavy secret anymore?

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago
Reply to  Jordy's pout

Nah I honestly don’t. My mate does it and swears by it. I can’t. I wont!

Odysseus et al
Odysseus et al
6 years ago
Reply to  Jordy's pout

The only time I wore a rashy I got rash

Subantarctic Communist Sealion
Subantarctic Communist Sealion
6 years ago

Neoprene is merely spandex of the sea


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