As surfers, it's time to rise up.

Hasn’t this farce run its course? Each day unfurls never-before-seen bizarre twists. Our elected officials chasing rule with rule with rule with rule with ticket with closure. Locking everything down and keeping it locked (save Santa Cruz) in the face of overwhelming evidence that the whole world is not, in fact, Wuhan, China.

Or New York City.

Population of Wuhan?

12 mil.

Population of New York City?

10 mil.

Population of New Zealand?

4 mil.

The entire country of four million people with much hobbits, sheep and open spaces mixed therein.

Social distancing to an extreme level even in the best of non-pandemic times, as hobbits and sheep don’t exist on the same breath plane as humans, but Karen’s gonna Karen as they say and I’m going to post the following piece from Glen “Karen” Scanlon in full because it may well be the high water mark of obscene tattle-taling in our time.

A work of art?

I think yes.

“Mind your own business,” the man sitting in the back of the white van is yelling at me.

I didn’t really catch it the first time, as my headphones are in. So I stare back rather blankly.

“Mind your own business and keep running,” he hollers.

I continue to stand and stare at him. Then I resolve not to mind my own business, hit send on the above picture and skip off.

White van man is parked next to Wellington’s Lyall Bay, where the sea is still pounding after yesterday’s southerly surge. This is on the same stretch of coastline where freak waves left a person in hospital and forced residents to evacuate their homes.

On the other side of white van man, about 20 metres away, where he can’t see them, are a series of people, appropriately spaced, staring out to sea agog. As a poignant reminder we’re in a pandemic, one is wearing a face mask.

White van man, me and the others have been watching a person, who must be his companion, attempting to surf in the large swells. I say attempting, because he didn’t succeed in catching a wave while I spent five minutes standing there gawking.

All around us, right to the other side of the road, are a reminder of the sea’s power – clumps of seaweed, large rocks and silt which has bubbled up through drains.

There’s a man picking his way through, collecting some of the detritus for his garden. Behind us, the airport is completely silent. There is no traffic. The cafe 200 metres away is shut. The shopping centre across the road may as well have tumbleweeds rolling through it. No one else is in the sea. The lady with the face mask is still watching. Everything screams this is not normal.

The majority of people are doing their utmost to help stop Covid-19 in its tracks. They’re sticking to the rules we’ve been begged to follow. Yes, this chafes against our natural inclinations but the terrible price of doing differently is not just our own suffering. The greater good relies on each of us doing the right, the sensible thing.

But for some reason Mr selfish surfer and white van man think they get a special pass.

It makes me angry, so I’m not minding my own business.

Glen, I’m sorry, Karen?

Mind your own fucking business.

More as the story develops.

Celebrate!

This Coronavirus Clampdown insanity had to end somewhere and who could have ever guessed that somewhere would be Ken “Skindog” Collins’ hometown of Santa Cruz, California where it was just announced that beaches, parks and other outdoor spaces are open for business.

Per the local news, “There is some encouraging news coming from the Santa Cruz County Health Office. As of Thursday, Santa Cruz is lifting the ban on surfing as well as opening beaches and parks. Santa Cruz County Health officials credit the community’s willingness to practice social distancing…”

And you’ll certainly recall Team Skindog’s stance, taken a few weeks ago, that surfing should most definitely be banned in order to stop the spread of disease. His position was directly countered by San Diego son Joel Tudor who made much fun and formed Team Tudor in order to encourage active surfing lifestyles.

Well, Santa Cruz is open, San Diego still under lock and key.

Will Skindog take credit?

Will common sense prevail down south or will furious locals revolt against the jackboot?

More as the story develops.

Haven't we learned?

The world has gone entirely topsy-turvy, I don’t need to tell you, as the once proud human race is, today, cowering indoors, hiding behind masks, lathering hand sanitizer on packages thrown from unmarked Amazon trucks, terrified of an itty-bitty little virus that traveled from China via commercial airliners and cruise ships.

Who would have ever believed?

All the madness, trouble, is yet another reminder that inter-species relationships of a sensual nature are problematic and should be routinely avoided.

Just imagine if that sexually adventurous libertine in Wuhan had decided not to kiss a bat. Just imagine how much wealth would still be in your retirement account.

Well, it appears that the desire for “variety” is not exclusively ours as a massive two-plus ton Great White shark was just discovered off the coast of Japan choked to death by a sea turtle in what can only be described as a “troublingly kinky” exchange.

The dangers of erotic asphyxiation are well-known but all too often ignored and let us turn to the Orlando Sentinel, hometown paper of a profligate town, for yet another lesson.

Perhaps the great white shark bit off more than it could chew. It’s not known why a 4,500-pound great white died, but when it was found, there was a massive sea turtle stuck in its mouth.

A Facebook post from an account by the name of Greg Vella to the Commercial Salmon, Albacore and & Crab Fishers group showed images of the great white that Vella said was found dead tangled in some netting while fishing off the shores of Japan.

“I was out commercial ‘ken ken’ style fishing for tuna (Japan, Pacific Ocean side) when I heard chatter on the radio that there was a white shark swimming around with a big sea turtle in is mouth,” reads the post. “People started to joke about it, so I did not pay it any more attention. Then next day, it was found dead, near the bait receivers, tangled in some netting.”

The images show the shark laid out on the docks next to local boats, but do not identify how long the shark was. The sea turtle seems to be half digested.

Worrisome what the two could have been getting up to as “half digested” deviancy is something I have never personally encountered.

More as the story develops.