Celebrate!

This Coronavirus Clampdown insanity had to end somewhere and who could have ever guessed that somewhere would be Ken “Skindog” Collins’ hometown of Santa Cruz, California where it was just announced that beaches, parks and other outdoor spaces are open for business.

Per the local news, “There is some encouraging news coming from the Santa Cruz County Health Office. As of Thursday, Santa Cruz is lifting the ban on surfing as well as opening beaches and parks. Santa Cruz County Health officials credit the community’s willingness to practice social distancing…”

And you’ll certainly recall Team Skindog’s stance, taken a few weeks ago, that surfing should most definitely be banned in order to stop the spread of disease. His position was directly countered by San Diego son Joel Tudor who made much fun and formed Team Tudor in order to encourage active surfing lifestyles.

Well, Santa Cruz is open, San Diego still under lock and key.

Will Skindog take credit?

Will common sense prevail down south or will furious locals revolt against the jackboot?

More as the story develops.

Haven't we learned?

The world has gone entirely topsy-turvy, I don’t need to tell you, as the once proud human race is, today, cowering indoors, hiding behind masks, lathering hand sanitizer on packages thrown from unmarked Amazon trucks, terrified of an itty-bitty little virus that traveled from China via commercial airliners and cruise ships.

Who would have ever believed?

All the madness, trouble, is yet another reminder that inter-species relationships of a sensual nature are problematic and should be routinely avoided.

Just imagine if that sexually adventurous libertine in Wuhan had decided not to kiss a bat. Just imagine how much wealth would still be in your retirement account.

Well, it appears that the desire for “variety” is not exclusively ours as a massive two-plus ton Great White shark was just discovered off the coast of Japan choked to death by a sea turtle in what can only be described as a “troublingly kinky” exchange.

The dangers of erotic asphyxiation are well-known but all too often ignored and let us turn to the Orlando Sentinel, hometown paper of a profligate town, for yet another lesson.

Perhaps the great white shark bit off more than it could chew. It’s not known why a 4,500-pound great white died, but when it was found, there was a massive sea turtle stuck in its mouth.

A Facebook post from an account by the name of Greg Vella to the Commercial Salmon, Albacore and & Crab Fishers group showed images of the great white that Vella said was found dead tangled in some netting while fishing off the shores of Japan.

“I was out commercial ‘ken ken’ style fishing for tuna (Japan, Pacific Ocean side) when I heard chatter on the radio that there was a white shark swimming around with a big sea turtle in is mouth,” reads the post. “People started to joke about it, so I did not pay it any more attention. Then next day, it was found dead, near the bait receivers, tangled in some netting.”

The images show the shark laid out on the docks next to local boats, but do not identify how long the shark was. The sea turtle seems to be half digested.

Worrisome what the two could have been getting up to as “half digested” deviancy is something I have never personally encountered.

More as the story develops.

Common sense for uncommon times.

We, here at your BeachGrit, dutifully report on every stray thought 11x World Champion, musician, homeowner Kelly Slater has because it is our sworn duty as surf journalists. Because, also, he continues to be the most interesting character in our sphere. And, lastly, because his every stray thought form a complex teleology.

A form of philosophical art not seen since Marcel Duchamp.

Kelly is whimsical, quizzical, conspiratorial, well-considered in equal measure and sometimes even ventures into taut profundity.

Today, via his main stage, he declared:

I was told by the authorities that I ‘can’t stand and look at the ocean’ in Australia today. That’s a first.

Below we have officers guarding Trestles and making sure nobody surfs. Obviously, this type of thing assures that everyone will crowd anywhere else you are allowed to surf/exercise at (and drive a few people crazy).

To ask a rhetorical question, how is this helping? If social distancing works, couldn’t these officers help monitor and make sure everyone just remains aware of it?

Weird times my friends.

Weird indeed and, not to nitpick here, but Kelly’s rhetorical question should be asked non-rhetorically to the authorities and various Coronavirus Gestapo collaborators.

How is this helping?

And, when it is all said and done, will surfers be angry enough to stage a political reign of terror?

Australian, American, French, New Zealander politicians rhetorically guillotined?

More as the story develops.

The plot thickens.

Ah, the start of another lockdown California day where traipsing through the daisies is forbidden, surfing is forbidden, eating pan-Asian cuisine outdoors is forbidden, touching the sandy beach is forbidden, sitting down at a table not personally owned is forbidden, owning a copy of The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism is forbidden, etc.

Shockingly surf journalism is not forbidden, not yet anyhow, and if/when the Coronavirus Clampdown comes to an end, this era will be known for stunning work in that proud field alongside the moment when mankind tumbled headlong into a worldwide police state.

Investigative pieces on how world champion Gabriel Medina keeps his hair silky and skin soft and a fascinating clue as to how World Surf League Chief Executive Officer Erik Logan first became interested in surfing’s marketability.

For it was on February 6, 2018 under a picture of surf hunk Jay Alvarez that Logan wrote, “Wow, I love this!” then included a surfer emoji and a wave emoji.

Well, four months prior under a picture of a shuttered lifeguard tower in San Clemente, Logan wrote, “Wow, this is awesome!” then included the same surfer and wave emoji.

The owner of the account, Mike Fusco @supfusco alerted me to this new clue and the plot certainly thickens.

Fusco replied, “Very strange indeed. I do not know, nor have I ever met him. I considered that maybe I have the sex appeal of a hunky, tan, Wavestorm-gripping 20 something and concluded yes – but he has no way of know that that based on my Instagram. I mean, it’s a nice photo of a beach in San Clemente that I took myself, but is it really ‘awesome?’ No.”

Thickens all the way to a rich panang curry and could it be possible that Erik Logan is, in fact, a computer-generated bot?

The simple phrasing “Wow, I love this!” “Wow, this is awesome!” and the same emojis suggest very likely and it would also answer many questions.

When reached for comment, Logan said, “We know we’re coming out at some point in time. What does it look like at a point in time in the future? Let’s talk about there and start working backwards. By doing that you’re able to have very productive conversations with everybody because, to a person, everybody acknowledges this is temporary. Nobody knows how temporary, but in terms of navigating the temporariness of where we are, you’re able to sit back and take a long-term view.”

More as the story develops.