Ravenous!
As part of my surf journalism duties I search the word “surf” as it relates to “news” more than anybody save the great Nick Carroll. Sometimes there are treasures, like Saturday Night Live mainstay Colin Jost “surfing” and showing off his “buff bod” in the Hamptons.
Sometimes there is nothing save old BeachGrit stories.
More often than not there is a lurid criminal story featuring a naughty sneaker, usually male, stealing hundreds of dollars worth of surf and turf from a local grocery store.
Our latest takes us to Cleveland, Ohio where we find a man appearing on video surveillance tape, taking several plastic bags from the front of the store and a cart to the meat section. According to the police blotter, “He took about 12 packages of steaks and three packages of lobster tails and placed them in the cart. The man then went to a different aisle and placed all the items into plastic bags. He left the store without paying for the items, which included $96 worth of porterhouse steaks, $89 in ribeye steaks and $63 in lobster tails, totaling $248.”
A surf and turf feast, without doubt, but, again, I stumble on this crime almost weekly. Now, a few questions for you.
Where does surf and turf rank on the list of your favorite meals? I enjoy lobster and also enjoy steak but do not enjoy them together as I find both compete too heavily for supremacy. A perfectly prepared lobster tail beats a perfectly prepared steak but the perfectly prepared lobster tail is rare and steak has greater margin for error and so, usually, both are pretty good and make an overly filling, pretty good meal.
Also, do the thieves who steal surf and turf prepare themselves for family and friends or is there a robust black market for steak and lobster tails?
Lastly, if BeachGrit opened a restaurant would you come dine?
Biscuits and gravy would be featured on the menu. It is my favorite meal.
While we’re on the subject of eating and favorites, have you ever watched the movie Ravenous?
Oh man, it is good.
Here I was thinking a surf n turf was a steak with some prawns on top. I’ve been getting stung by my local bowlo! Fucken lobster and steak? That’s gnarly.
About 30 yrs ago I got caught stealing a half a cooked chicken down my pants.
While waiting in the holding cells waiting to be brought before the court I’d prepared a little speech to say to the judge,
“I’m sorry for this ‘fowl’ affair your Honour, I only did it as I’d been unable to get to the beach and was ‘cooped’ up all day and admittedly it was only worth a ‘poultry’ sum”.
The judge looked very unimpressed with my chicken based excuse, slammed the gavel down and sentenced me to a $150 fine, $50 court costs and $5.50 for the half a cooked chook that I never got to eat…
For future reference…its now the colour-neutral market
I have been watching this season of master chef, mainly due to the sexy new Asian judge
The way she taste samples each dish, without the food touching her lips…oh boy, tis a thing of beauty, but digress
So I read this so called news article, where so called fans are screaming in protest about a contestant they believe was unfairly evicted
“That dish was way better than that one…” or comments to that effect
It occurred to me that perhaps we had achieved a new low water mark of human intelligence, or lack thereof
You are commenting and making judgements about a plate of food…THAT YOU HAVE NOT ACTUALLY TASTED?
Then I thought…do you think that’s the same thing as when white people express their expert opinions on racism?
Why not just
The sexy new judge.?
well as bad luck would have it I almost never search the word “surf”
I just did and was directed to a site named “Barefoot Surf” and a feature called “Five Things to Know When You Start Surfing”
Thanks a fucken lot Chas-bro.
Tbh it was probably cribbed from one of your CW things mate
What a delightful dinner party that man can now enjoy with friends and family or by himself as he enjoys his Lockdown with elegant rich meals he has pilfered.
In honour of his daring, please partake of my Surf and Turf sauce recipe:
Once you have cooked the steaks/lobsters* remove from pan. Do not clean pan, instead use it to make a lovely sauce for your rich and decadent meal of steak and seafood – add a knob of butter some chopped onions and mushrooms, brown them in the butter, add white wine, add a scoop of mustard, salt & pepper, pour in thickened cream and the juices from the rested steaks, thicken but don’t let it split and serve over the steaks and lobsters*.
*in Australia we rarely/never have lobsters so use prawns instead.
Lobster is overated
Prawns more delicious
Bugs?
Never tried em.
Or 1kg local caught tiger prawn
One loaf fresh bread
Salt and pepper
4 cartons of summer lager
Sun
Do you butter the bread?
Sorry mate, Avo over butter but that good full fat butter if ya gotta..
Regards,
The Gout Club.
I agree has to be real butter or nothing. Avo and prawns is a match made in heaven tho.
Fuckn ain’t it? Im up the on the border and lucky to have a semi abandoned avo, mango and custard apple orchard down the back with passion fruit climbing up most trees so have an abundance 🙏
That is pretty fucking lucky. I have an Avo tree down here that has grown maybe 10cm in the last 8 years and never had an Avo on it.
Welcome to the Beach Grit Grill !!
Let’s start your meal with our renowned and tantalizing soup du jour :
Shark Fin Soup
There’s just some-fin special about it !
Or try Chef Reilly’s tossed salad with his French balls-amic dressing splashed generously on his famous finger crudités.
Then have it your way with Chas’s Shark of the Day entrées :
Broasted, Roasted, Steamed, Grilled, Sauteed, Boiled or Pickled
Served on a luscious bed of Asian Green Sea Turtle Tongues
Always popular is Jen See’s Cheesy Spaghetti and Meatballs
Adorned with her savory Special Red Sauce
Practice social distancing with our included hot and gooey, loaded-with-Garlic bread
Or sample Derek’s Sum Poon Tang (secret family recipe)
Succulent Mystery Meat smothered in a delectable tangy Fish Sauce
Served with hot Miso Horny and butt-ery crackers
For the Kids we offer :
Penis Butter and Jellyfish Sandwich
Served on warm and appetizing Sweet Buns
Your kids will beg and scream for more !
Finish your meal or sober up with a steaming cup of Nega’s bitterly ground offerings:
Flat White
Stupid White
Expresso
Angry Black
Brown Sugar Hot Chocolate
Don’t forget our variety of ripe and aged imported Cheese, it’s cut right at your table !
Be sure and try our take out from the Bake Shop!
Cat Manapua (when available) – always deliciously fresh
Semen Scones with our signature hot creamy filling
And Please Remember:
Men – no shirt, no service
Women – no shirt, free drinks
Hot trannies always welcome!
Prices vary, no coupons or substitutions please
Don’t panic. No masks are necessary!
BYOB
We’re Always Open!!
Do you ever get to the end of an article Chas, and wonder … what the fuck was that?
I know I do
with quality like this, surely the paywall is hours away. this level of content for free is highway robbery!
It’ll be a multi-tiered payment platform geared so dissidents like yourself will pay more.
hahahaha. you might get $7/month…..total.
Market research on monkeys in cages (much like the average BG commentator} indicates a far greater return.
you might be able to turn pro!
Why hide behind “dr.katz” when you told me you’re Neil Cameron from Byron Bay Boardriders?
Fuck who would do that?
Here?
He told me his idea of improving the US would be “fuck your mom to death. that’s what i’d do.”
I asked for his real name. He gave it.
What kind of a grown ass man comes onto a website to anonymously spew shit like that. He’s got kids that surf for that club. What kind of example is this fuckwit setting saying shit like that? Does his wife know?
🙂
I wonder what BBB’s sponsors will think about this.
do the best you can. i’m sure you will succeed.
how’d you go?
He might be gaming you mate. Doesn’t like Neal Cameron so chucked it out there.
any pics of the big day, mate?
Dude.. I like you but.. what kind of, and I think I’ll just use plain English here, grown up Human who you would assume has traveled the world,comes to a surf blog to rant about US politics to an audience of degenerate cunts who could give zero fucks…
Fuck just roll out another shark story Chas..
Me!
Man you really fall into the category of dish it but can’t take it huh?
This is from our last interaction.
“You all need to be exterminated and wiped off the face of this planet. Humanity will be better when you’re gone”
So in the spirit of fairness what’s your name? What kind of grown ass man comes onto here and spews this bullshit?
Pres no less and a local realestate agent haha
The only one that brought Neil Cameron from Bryon Bay Boardriders into it was you Otto.
Katz is a dirty Troll that gets his jollies from making mean & personal insults. He’s too much of a pussy to ever really put his name to anything he writes here.
hear hear!
curious as to how one can make a personal insult against people he doesn’t know personally…?
I know you know exactly what I mean and you’ve crossed two lines today.
You’re existing in a pretty sad space round here for a man of your age.
Ha. It’s all fun. Never pick on anyone who can’t handle it. Just internet’s, brah. Sorry for the hurt feels,otto.
If you want to “pick” on people put your name to it Katz, not someone else’s.
Fool asked a foolish question, got a foolish answer. I show my face in the line up and at my job… The rest is ninja.
Leave the doc alone
He’s my bitch
Would’ve thought a vodka bar was more likely.
Pop would eat itself
Some might choose to eat the rich
I’d settle for cheese
God I love Biscuits and Gravy
What the fuck are biscuits and gravy mate?
I think it’s like a hamburger or sausage minced up patty. I could be very wrong.
WRONG!!
It’s a Seppo breakfast. It’s good hangover food. Soak up all them bad decisions.
The Aussie equivalent would be more beer?
I think you guys have biscuits over there, yeah? A biscuit is a flour-based baked food product. Outside North America the biscuit is typically hard, flat, and unleavened; in North America it is typically a soft, leavened quick bread. Its like a dense bread roll.
The gravy is made by frying sausage or bacon in a pan. Remove the meat and add flour into the grease to make a roux. Thicken/cook the flour, and add milk or cream and season with salt and pepper. Break up the meat and put it back in the gravy. Crack the biscuits in half and pour the gravy on ’em. Et voila, biscuits and gravy.
Sounds like a soggy biscuit.
A very American, and truly excessive breakfast treat.
What the…? Doesn’t the name of the dish give you any kind of a hint as to what this dish may be? If Chas said he loved strawberrys with honey for breakfast would you have no clue as to what 2 ingredients that dish might contain also???
Hahaha Wiggs, you are my hero, but I just had to give you a little shit about that question you posted.
Haha mate are you a Seppo? I think there’s something you need to know. In the rest of the world, biscuits are the dry, hard and flat things and usually come in a packet e.g. Tim Tams, Savoys/Jatz etc. Only in North America do people seem to think scones and muffins and shit are all biscuits e.g the chicken biscuit breakfast thing at Maccas. The only chicken biscuit I wanna hear about it the Shapes Chicken Crimpy mate and that is the last of it.
Haha , This Seppo was just fuckin wit you a little bit. I’ve been to Australia and New Zealand and England so I know that our idea of a biscuit is not what you consider a biscuit. But WTF, you guys can get chicken and biscuits for breakfast at Micky D’s and we can’t? That’s the real fucking crime. We can get Spam at McDonalds here in Hawaii, or even a Taro Pie which is filled with poi, but we have to go to Australian McDonald’s to get a traditional Chicken and biscuit breakfast? Makes me wanna go and kick my dog.
Correction- kick my neighbors cat. I would never kick my dog.
Na mate I only saw that in the US we’re not fortunate enough to have fried chicken for breakfast in this shithole either!
I would love to come to your restaurant and throw a hissy fit that something isn’t on the menu
You think they’d make us eat everything with a spoon just so we can’t Stab our food?
I’m sorry cunt but dignity and professionalism are not on the BeachShit menu.
Take solace in the fact that this is a crime of want vs. need, afford vs. cannot afford, have vs. have not. Want a ribeye vs. need steak knives, afford to steal ribeye vs. cannot afford steak knives, have ribeyes vs. have not a steak knife in the house.
Good luck with that butter knife pal.
If there aren’t pancakes, I’m not showing up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff8...