Polemic: The case against good surfers who choose to ride soft topped boards!

Charlatans!

Good surfer soft-toppers. You know who they are, we all see them out on pretty decent days with their floaty, flaccid finned barges. I have a little theory on their behavior. I’ve thought a lot about it, and here I’ll call them out.

See if you all think I’m right or wrong on this:

Hey, good surfer soft-topper? You my friend, are a bit of a charlatan.

So, it’s a pretty decent waist to shoulder high day. And you’re a “good surfer”. You could be anywhere in age from teen to 50, in pretty good shape, you generally ride a short pointy nose thruster, and you get your fair share of waves.

Or at least that is what you feel you do.

And, you have done so since, like forever. You can hit the lip. are confident of your place in the lineup, and yes, even kinda rip.

But, yet, there you are my friend… on your Wavestorm™.

You say: “Hey man, I’m just foolin’ around out here, and, it’s super fun!”

But what I hear is the selfish pursuit of your wave-count.

Then you say: “Yeah, it’s kinda crowded out there, someone could get hurt, and these softies are soooo safe!”

But what I hear is your single minded entitlement to be on the one and only good wave of the day.

Look, we all see it, you are riding these things as great big trick on the whole system. Everyone is supposed to go along with it too, as you scoop up all the crumbs on the inside, then zoom out the back and snag set a wave all the while laughing, smiling, spreading your “good vibes” from your big blobby railed made-in-third-world-sweat-shop-mass-produced-piece-of-junk.

And when your sesh is done, you smugly walk away, as if you just shoplifted a Snickers and are so dang proud of yourself for being the rebellious “you”.

Well, like I said, we see right through it.

You know yourself you should be riding something else. With rails. With rocker, and a shape, something that’s got an actual design to it. And maybe a decent color for cripes sake.

In short, a surfboard that looks and feels good.

You make your excuses, but when you say “Yeah man, this StormBoinker, it’s got, like, fin boxes for real fins!”, what I hear instead is the hollowness of your lie.

Calling this out is just part of the equation, so here’s the advice:

If one were to be empathetic, and try and educate, one would try and make you see and feel how much more fun, real fun, you’d have on an actual surfboard. With volume. No one should begrudge you the right to ride a little bit bigger stick. Get an egg or something. You will love it and more importantly you’ll probably look good on it.

And lookin’ good? That’s feeling’ good.