Breakthrough: Great White-proof wetsuit “one step closer to reality!” Human trials to begin soon!

"The incidence of shark bites in Australia has increased from 1–3 per year in the 1980s to more than 10 per year in the 2010s."

It’s gotten real tense, I guess you could say, around those great surf utopias Byron Bay, Santa Cruz and Margaret River.

Getting hit by a Great White shark, a species protected in Australia since 1999 and California since 1994, has moved from the abstract to the very real.

Santa Cruz shaper Ben Kelly, twenty-six, hit and killed by a Great White in May; Gold Coast surfer Rob Pedretti, sixty, hit and killed near Byron Bay in June. 

A pal called a couple of days back and said the site of breaching Whites had become almost as common as the whales that pass the coast every June.

So far, solutions have danced around three poles: the proven, if brutal, efficiency of nets, surveillance by drone and tagged sharks linked to social media; and various trinkets calling ‘emselves shark deterrents. 

The first works, but society don’t have the stomach for seeing photos of sharks being winched, dead or dying, to the surface. 

Surveillance is patchy. It works when the water’s clear and a drone is in the air and if the entire population of Great Whites has been tagged.

Shark deterrents? No.

A new angle works on the premise that as hits on surfers have become the new reality and since there’s only going to be more Great Whites, how about we minimise the impact of a shark bite.

(Kinda like carrying tourniquets.)

The NSW Department of Primary Industries has tossed ninety-gees to researchers at Flinders University in Adelaide toward the development of a Great White-proof wetsuit.

Kevlar was the first choice, and it works, but while it might be ok under your combat uniform it ain’t much fun as a wetsuit.

Instead, the researchers are testing two types of protective fabrics that incorporate ultra-high molecular weight polyethylene fibres (UHMWPE)

“We tested the fabric on White sharks because it is the species responsible for the most fatalities from shark bites,” says Associate Professor Charlie Huveneers, co-author a paper that reminds surfers, “Although the risk of being bitten by a shark is intrinsically low, the occurrence of shark bites has increased globally in the last 30 years. For example, the incidence of shark bites in Australia has increased from 1–3 per year in the 1980s to more than 10 per year in the 2010s.”

The results from the test have been fairly encouraging.

It ain’t gonna stop the jaws but it might limit the damage.

Human trials to begin soon.

Volunteers wanted.

New wetsuit material tested by Flinders marine researchers
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Renee Smith
Renee Smith
6 years ago

Orcas that are kept in aquariums do not perform for humans because they want to. They do it because they have to, or they won’t get fed. It’s cruel and inhumane to imprison them in unnatural environments, such as aquariums.

Renee Smith
Renee Smith
6 years ago

!!

Ed
Ed
6 years ago

The fact missing here is that surfers increasing have become chicken ( see WSL boycott Cloudbreak because. They only surf small waves)

Of course the Sharks are going too bite more surfers as a result.

They taste like chicken now days compared to the tough as boots surfers from the past

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

The next war will sort the men from the hipsters

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago

Isn’t the crush pressure from a GW jaw around 2 tonnes or something? Even if you don’t get bit through, the damage to the flesh is still going to be a bit traumatic no?

Blaise
Blaise
6 years ago

I just want to know which humans are volunteering to do these trials.

Renee Smith
Renee Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Blaise

LMAO!! I know, right? You couldn’t pay me enough to volunteer!

madmaxmedia
madmaxmedia
6 years ago

If they’re doing trials then it’s gotta be a double blind study right?

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago
Reply to  madmaxmedia

What … humans biting sharks?

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

No, but having looked it up, I’ll have to give it a go. George C. Scott was a helluva an actor.

Chris Bottos
Chris Bottos
6 years ago

Hows about quit being so god damned edible people!

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Chris Bottos

Tastes like KFC

Tangerine Tornado
Tangerine Tornado
6 years ago

Lol after reading thru these comments… I have to suggest that more than 3/4s of you need to put the pipe down

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Beach Grit is Anti-Depressive.

You might be doing it wrong.

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
6 years ago

I say do nothing more than they already are.

Crowds have dropped significantly south of the border since the most recent attack.

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
6 years ago

Thinking of that wetsuit puts a callus on my sack.

Urchin Sepsis
Urchin Sepsis
6 years ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

Whitey ripped open my nut sack.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Urchin Sepsis

I’ve always wondered where the piss pipe and the cum pipe meet?

John Wayne
John Wayne
6 years ago

Far from convincing that video – how often does a GWS swim softy up to a surfer and have a nibble…..that was a like a gentle play bite from a dog or a cat or better yet a sheep…..nothing exciting / realistic here.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Great White Sharks are afraid of orcas. This much we know for sure.
If we can train an orca to swim around a tank and do belly-flops to entertain humans, how is it we cannot train these same orcas, or different orcas to patrol surf beaches to protect humans who just want to entertain themselves?
Perhaps they should also deploy underwater speakers playing a loop of orca pack hunting whistles and snaps and shit. Great White Sharks are smart creatures. Smart enough anyways to have fear. Fear of orcas.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

You’re obviously into DMT as well. Welcome.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

I don’t know how giving GW’s psychedelics would help but okay, I’m down to see what happens.
I had a family member that trained dolphins and sea lions to do all sorts of shit for the military, as well as research groups.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Together, we can do this.

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
6 years ago

The toad calmed Tyson. What a duo that could be.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

A paranoid Great White? no thanks.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Would you rather:
A.) Surf near a paranoid Great White?
OR
B.) Surf near Ben Marcus?

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Both, then there’d be a 50% chance Ben could be eaten.

Shroom
Shroom
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

C.) Surf a paranoid Great White into Ben Marcus

Shroom
Shroom
6 years ago

Was gonna say see ya in the waiting room mate, I m the infinitely collapsing paradigm crouched behind the pot plant, can’t miss me

Party Pete
Party Pete
6 years ago
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
6 years ago
Reply to  Party Pete

Who made this fine piece of art? Would go well in the shed

Party Pete
Party Pete
6 years ago

Stolen

Shroom
Shroom
6 years ago
Reply to  Party Pete

Dolf Ledgeprong Patron Saint of the Torched

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

I’ve got a board I’ve had for 24? years that has a picture of an Orca, and I can vouch I’ve never been attacked on it…

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

Wall hanger?

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago
Reply to  Billy Hunt

Hahaha
Naah still take it out a few times a year

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Orca sounds on a loop sound like some real “Operation Wandering Soul” shit.

Independent Bald Bomber
Independent Bald Bomber
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

It may be the wake and bake talking, but I do not hate this idea. Training a protective pod of orcas to lease out to shark infested towns and resorts is brilliant! All I need is an extremely large aquarium and a couple dozen great whites to use as training.

I’m gonna reach out to the GOAT, this seems like just the type of project Kelly might invest in. Please don’t tell him this idea originated on BG, I don’t need him backing out due to spite!

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Free Willy’s $$

Renee Smith
Renee Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Keiko is the name of the Orca that was featured in the movie: Free Willy. Sadly, he died after being released into the ocean and the same thing would happen to any other Orca that was imprisoned in an unnatural environment, such as an aquarium. Good luck getting a dead Orca to protect you from the great white sharks!

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Renee Smith

I’m not talking about that Willy, silly. Robert Kelly Slater’s mom nicknamed Kelly “Willy”, for reasons unclear, some suggesting his mom loved Willie Nelson, others suggesting his mom knew Kelly would be great at surfing which meant he end up smoking lots of weed, like Willie.

Renee Smith
Renee Smith
6 years ago

Orcas in aquariums such as Sea World don’t perform for people because they want to. They do it because if they don’t, they will be disciplined and/or not fed. For anyone who hasn’t seen the movie/documentary: Blackfish, I strongly recommend that you do. It’s very factual and informative and it explains why Orcas should never be taken or kept apart from their families/pods. They migrate and hunt together and have no interest in working/patrolling shorelines to scare the great white sharks away for humans while they surf or swim.

Independent Bald Bomber
Independent Bald Bomber
6 years ago
Reply to  Renee Smith

You do realize that my comment was a joke, right?? I really am having a hard time believing you actually thought I was seriously considering using “a couple dozen great whites” to train orcas to patrol the shoreline protecting surfers. I am genuinely blown away by your response.

I’m honestly not trying to be mean here, but if you read my comment and saw it as anything other than satire, you may want to get off the internet for a bit.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Don’t fret Etuck. Many months ago, Chas, being the warlock or wizard he is, conjured these people from somewhere. Casting his spell out onto the internet using a cauldron boiled Great White article, these sorts suddenly appeared. Rarely engaging us in discussion, they nonetheless must remind us that we are horrible people, who bully sharks, and whales.

Just laugh at them. Tease them. Trigger them. It’s fun. Fun in a world lacking fun these days.
Cheers

Elaine Luikart
Elaine Luikart
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

What about robotic orcas that play orca sounds ,

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Elaine Luikart

The dolphins will most likely take advantage of such a scenario. Dolphins will fuck anything.

Renee Smith
Renee Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Elaine Luikart

Robotic Orcas definitely sound interesting!! They could even cover them with the new shark proof fabric…lol

Renee Smith
Renee Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Orcas in aquariums don’t perform for people because they want to. They do it because if they don’t, they won’t be fed. It’s cruel and inhumane to separate them from their families/pods. They migrate and hunt together and have no interest in working/patrolling the coastal shorelines for humans to scare the great white sharks away while they surf or swim.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Renee Smith

How do you know they have no interest? You haven’t even asked them. I bet we could sweeten the job offer by offering up a weekly feeding of those clowns from Whale Wars. Don’t kid yourself, even orcas think those fuckwits should meet a gruesome end.

Renee Smith
Renee Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Orcas that are kept in aquariums don’t perform for humans because they want to. They do it because they have to, or they won’t get fed. It’s cruel, inhumane and TOTALLY undeserved!!

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Renee Smith

All the more reason to get them out in the open ocean doing something way more killer whale-ish, like killing Great Whites.

Renee Smith
Renee Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Orcas kept in aquariums don’t perform for humans because they want to. They do it because if they don’t, they won’t get fed. It’s cruel and inhumane to imprison them in unnatural environments. They are beautiful and nostalgic mammals. LEAVE THEM BE!!

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Renee Smith

Well, when you think about it, we wouldn’t want docile orcas protecting us, so their natural pent-up aggressiveness due to prolonged captivity should suit our purposes for their new role doing security guard detail.
We could keep them in sea pens when they’re not working if that helps quell your concerns.

Zero Wedge
Zero Wedge
6 years ago

Your use of the term ‘New Reality’ Is as bad or worse than the fucking annoying ‘New Normal’.
What really gets me when I read it is I think to myself “DR is trying not to say ‘New Normal’ and then I get really pissed because now I’ve thought about that shit term ‘New Normal’ and had to read the eye marbles that is ‘New Reality’ all in the same go.
Fuck!

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Zero Wedge

Maybe you could volunteer to become part of the future normal reality

Zero Wedge
Zero Wedge
6 years ago

If it involves DMT like Wiggolly’s than sign me up.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Zero Wedge

I was thinking don the suit and get bit.

Zero Wedge
Zero Wedge
6 years ago

No GWs near where I surf, just big brother Orca.
“Only with mammals” is what pops once said.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Zero Wedge

Defund the pops!!

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

Dose the shark with strong acid while tagging it, and then study it’s behaviour compared to a non-tripping tagged sharks…

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
6 years ago
Reply to  Zero Wedge

I’m a piece of shit. It ain’t news. Sorry for the pain.

Zero Wedge
Zero Wedge
6 years ago

No worries, I’ve been numb for years, can’t feel it

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
6 years ago
Reply to  Zero Wedge

New Normal is what I refer to my life since DMT

longtom
longtom
6 years ago
Reply to  Zero Wedge

are you the guy that has the list?


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