Happily Ever Aft....
How long has our beloved ocean been used and abused for its good looks, golden sunsets, warm caresses? Oh we enjoy, certainly, and Instagram our enjoyment but then go and try to build wave pools on land and crow about how much more “consistent” with “better air sections” they are.
Bastards, the lot of us.
Well, has the ocean finally had enough?
Let us travel to Laguna Beach, California home of Cocaine + Surfing (buy signed paperback, just released, here), where we see a blushing bride and her loving groom ripped from the rocks in front of maids and men whilst completing the age old photoshoot ritual.
As you can see, the cameraman points them to a precarious spot while the ocean builds, protecting himself as the wave sweeps the beautiful couple into the deep.
Thankfully, Laguna Beach’s finest were on hand and performed a daring rescue but, quickly, could Mason Ho make a business out of this sort of thing?
Couples taking wedding photos on rocks, getting swept out to see while he surfs right over them and captures it all via GoPro?
It’d be very popular, I think, further frustrating the ocean.
Thankfully we truly don’t need it anymore as we have Kelly Slater.
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Lock the cage, one person leaves.
LOL
Moral of the story is that no one should ever get married
Comment of the Year.
Fuck, I’m getting married in 3 days.
I hope you’re over 40 and she’s 10 years younger
excellent advice.
I am and she is. Still shitting my pants though!
He’s conflicted – doesn’t know whether to fuck or fight !
I’ve got nothing of substance to say about this.
Hahahahar – that’s never stopped you before !
Burn!
Don’t get married Nega…. trust the Hippy… especially a Greek girl.
I bet you just had a fight from too much of each other lately?
nah man, it’s a cultural thing…
they always feared their fathers and after menopause they discover a different version of vigor and pops is dead.
who to take it out on?
Righto Aldous..
Jim did it sexier but..Val will always have my heart
This is the end
The end of our elaborate plans
The end of ev’rything that stands
The end
You’re chasing me like a lovesick teen!
It’s flattering but I’ve got sick darknet movies to watch like Gone with the wind and sound of music
Siriassly!!
I think you may be referred to as an “influencer”….
Now about the color red…. any lettering across the tiny scraps of fabric?
No exit
You’ve gotten more mileage off the mythical red bikini…..
What is literally the first thing we all learned surfing?
DON’T TURN YOUR BACK ON THE OCEAN.
Or VONR, he’s a backdoor man.
It’s Orange County so yes…. also listed in the suit beyond the photographer is the coastal commission, the wedding venue, all the vendors, the dress designer and the suit tailor, the limo driver, and hopefully bury the wedding planner. She is the only one I want a successful action against.
Does anyone still use the phrase “harder than a wedding dick”?
thanks for the retweet.
uhhhhh – obviously you would (finally) have given that red bikini a go!!
They look a bit see through but
My wedding was a beach. Plan was to do the ceremony, then have a surf with the best men, while the remainder enjoyed a champagne breakfast. Nature, the bastard, didn’t come to the party and there weren’t any waves.
The main highlight was just as we did the ‘you may kiss the bride’ bit, my sister yelped;
“Ohhhh, look dolphins!”
Turned out they were tuna.
Hopefully someone posts up the bride and groom speeches. It’s such a bad omen, it’s a final destination wedding.
If only that’d happened to me and I’d been magically washed away on my wedding day before saying “I do.”
Hahahah!
On the Colin Cowherd show this morning, they were talking about that show presenting pro athletes’ moment of clarity. Colin began the segment talking about Kelly, and while first calling Kelly a swimmer, did correct himself cause he just read his notes wrong and doesn’t actually know Kelly. Does that upset Kelly? I bet it does. Anyways, Colin brought on the film maker for the TV special and they dove into Kelly and surfing versus Tom Brady and football. Mainly, how can we compare moments of personal enlightenment with two such varied sporting endeavors. Colin focused on the fact that surfing involves nature. But more importantly FEAR. Fear of dying. The film maker didn’t get into detail cause the show hadn’t aired yet. But Colin raises an interesting point we should explore.
As Kelly approaches life’s mid length crisis, was building the pool a coping mechanism for nature’s fear production? Has Kelly’s foot injury affected him more than we previously thought. Has his psychological game waned?
A developing story.
(I’m sure you could look up the Colin Cowherd show from this morning)
Chas, Derek and the self proclaimed “sloppy drunk” Longtom, This is the answer to the mystery that you were speculating about, and could not answer, on the latest Dirty Water Podcast. Listen here Go to minute 45 and 53 for more, but you really should listen to the whole deal.
Colin is a douche’s douche, but Ke11y was insulted by the miscue!!!
I’ll bet he talks about Giselle intimately if he ever meets Tom…. “you know how she giggles when you tease her anus”….
LOL
Had a Bure mate in Tavarua once…. dude breaks out a photo of his prom with Heather locklear.
The stories went on and on for a week, his senior in HS girl friend and I never got tired of listening.
Giselle has weathered a lot better. Google “Heather locklear now”…. ouchy.
Doesn’t matter, he nailed her when….
Chick has been tossed about pretty well so you can’t expect her to be wash and dry anymore.
The good ones do more than just giggle when I do that to them.
Otto I’ve got this theory that Kelly’s main motivation (& I reckon for quite some time now) is to be recognised as a major/great American Athlete by the American general public.