Lift your voice!
On July 3rd, while standing in front of South Dakota’s Mount Rushmore, President Donald J. Trump unveiled his administration’s plan to build a National Garden of American Heroes which will be “a vast outdoor park that will feature the statues of the greatest Americans to ever live.”
“A very fine idea…” I thought and quickly went searching for the Executive Order, scrolled to the list of those to be included in the National Garden of American Heroes…
The National Garden should be composed of statues, including statues of John Adams, Susan B. Anthony, Clara Barton, Daniel Boone, Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, Henry Clay, Davy Crockett, Frederick Douglass, Amelia Earhart, Benjamin Franklin, Billy Graham, Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Douglas MacArthur, Dolley Madison, James Madison, Christa McAuliffe, Audie Murphy, George S. Patton, Jr., Ronald Reagan, Jackie Robinson, Betsy Ross, Antonin Scalia, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Harriet Tubman, Booker T. Washington, George Washington, and Orville and Wilbur Wright.
…and became intensely sad.
No 11 x World Champion, greatest surfer to ever live, from Cocoa Beach but now Lemoore Kelly Slater?
Impossible so I read again and became violently sad.
But then, a spark of inspiration struck me right between the eyes.
It is incumbent upon us, American surfers (Australians, South Africans, Brazilians, British too if you all feel inclined), to have Kelly Slater’s statue included.
How?
I think we start by contacting Florida’s Republican Governor Ron DeSantis (here) or simply [email protected]
You can use my email to him, below, or create your own.
Dear Governor DeSantis,
As you are certainly aware, President Trump recently announced a National Garden of American Heroes which is a fine idea but, sadly, the list of American Heroes to be included in the park has one glaring hole.
Florida’s own Kelly Slater.
The 11x World Champion is also inarguably the greatest surfer to ever live. His exploits in the water are only matched by his passion for the environment on land, where he builds large, beautiful wave pools.
Kelly Slater is a model citizen, donating his time to many causes near to his heart, namely helping provide guidance and correct thought to those who believe the earth is flat via Instagram.
The inclusion of a Kelly Slater statue in the National Garden of American Heroes will be a wonderful day for both Florida and the United States of America, a land that is lucky to call him a son.
Thank you for your consideration.
(But if you copy mine don’t put Chas Smith. Put Shane Beschen.)
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I’m just getting to know you
Well you ain’t shakin’ hard ’nuff thin. O maybs you got that gay tied up in the corner of your cage silenced with a ball gag.
Damn I wish I had Photoshop skills. Such a contextually rich environment. Like a 3D canvas. Hopefully KVF will see this and paint some magic.
The gorilla don’t get that Otts is just using the gorilla. “Shake that fucking tree, gorilla!” Otts exclaimed. Hoping to shake loose that nut, guy. Guess he don’t wants to play this new day.
(Gotta splain ebrathin to dis dumb fucking gorilla.)
You ought be thankful you actually have a list of great historical figures you could potentially honour in such a way
In Australia we are so void of national heroes we are forced to resort to building large staues of fruit, vegetables…and various species of the animal kingdom
What about Steve Irwin and that creepy bald guy from Midnight Oil? And don’t forget about the original members of AC/DC and Crocodile Dundee.
I stand corrected
I also think the big banana was erected in honour of a porn star from the 70s
And of course there’s all our war heroes…the most famous war statue???
The unnamed soldier?
And fucking Mad Max c’mon! (Just the first one)
I could not think of anything worse than a statue erected in one’s honour. Speaking of erect, with no wave for reference it appears like a demonstration of a highly advanced homoerotic manoeuvre.
Yours sincerely,
Shane Beschen.
Beside the statue of liberty
They’re going to what?
They can not be Syrian!
Maybe just a bit
Kanye West inaugaration speech just leaked
Hey yo America
Ima be like droppin this shit right now, listen up bitches
You’re such a fuckin’ ho, I love it (I love it, scoop!)
You’re such a fuckin’ ho, I love it (I love it)
[Interlude: Kanye West]
You’re such a fuckin’ ho
When the first time they ask you if you want sparklin’ or still?
Why you tryna act like you was drinkin’ sparklin’ water ‘fore you came out here?
You’re such a fuckin’ ho
[Verse 2: Kanye West]
I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
Thank you
Now I’m a be presdent.
Where be my crown bitches?
It makes sense to me.
From sea to boiling sea
Really makes you think…
That video is posted on the Black Lives Matter website.
Last night you really fuked that guy
Now you wanna fuk Otto?
Pick a side.
As a non USA’n my US history learning was predominantly gained from US 1950-70 cowboy movies so very limited but does that list comprise of only 1 black skinned American?
Bass Reeves. He was a real-life black cowboy who some historians believe was actually the inspiration for the “Lone Ranger”. Reeves was born a slave in an Arkansas household in 1838. The household moved their household operation to Texas in 1846. After the Civil War, Bass became a Marshal.
It is said that in actuality, 1 in 4 cowboys were black. If you look at old photos from cattle drives, you’ll discover the stat is accurate.
i get my stats from randomly looking at old pics. best. facts. ever
Yesterday you clowns were howling at the moon that “Otto propagates lies”, “Otto got caught lying” etc. etc.
When presented with the FACT that I was not lying, you clowns move on to the next insult. You’re all predictable as all hell, and lack intestinal fortitude, and clearly have no moral compasses, and further are too afraid to admit that all you Lefty’s lack character and the willingness to admit defeat.
pussy.
Real heroes don’t get trophies.
You started off soooo well, Chas. Then blew it as you do, on purpose.
This ain’t gonna endear you to the champ.
Betcha you’re still blocked on IG ….
I bet Chas’ mug adorns Kelly’s dart board.
The size of these statues? garden Gnomes or Crazy Horse memorial?
Rust never sleeps.
About this size should do. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Make sure it’s bigger than Bon Scott’s. Travesty.
Will the maoists pull Bruce off? https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Universally recognised as the best Osmond Brothers song ever. From their Black Sabbath phase. I challenge anyone to watch this and not have your life changed.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
How did I live this long without being aware of that? Life changing indeed.
One of the few times when hunting down rabbit holes works out in the positive. Was watching an interview with Buzz and Dale from The Melvins. Was mostly interesting for the things they didn’t know about each other. But this was the thing that they both agreed on: ‘Crazy Horses’ is indisputably the best Osmonds song. Had to look it up and was not disappointed.
Wow!
I could feel my brain melting at 2:00 in.
While Kelly alone deserves recognition, I think it prudent we also include Laird Hamilton. Two is better than one. It’s true. I tell no lies. Look it up yourself if you don’t believe.
I’m picturing Laird giving Kelly a piggyback ride, each holding their favorite beverage of choice. Kelly with a can of Purps. Laird enjoying a butter churner full of his favorite coffee creamer. The piggyback posture and pose will give the statue scale, story and an impressive heighth of 5’11”.
It will be titled “Drinking Fountain”.
Black Lives Matter the organization is a Marxist group. They say so themselves. A co-founder of Black Lives Matter says so herself.
Watch in this video.
@7:00 she says they have an ideological structure.
@7:10 she says they are “trained Marxists”
Anyone who wants to argue that Black Lives Matter isn’t Marxist refuses to accept the truth.
https://youtu.be/kCghDx5qN4s
And what about Duke Kahanamoku? A minority. If a minority isn’t included, Daniel Duane might jump to another conclusion and might start blaming surfers again for the prejudicial sins of society……..I think the “Kooks go Home” sign he saw on the steps to the beach, (that intimidated him as an “adult learner” ), may have adversely affected (scarred) his developing (psyche) as a ‘late learner’.
Great idea! Though I think one for Dirk Ziff would be great, too! We should write to whoever the governor of South Carolina is. You can use the template below (change the name at the end)!:
Dear Governor McMaster,
I hope this letter finds you well. I know It’s kinda weird to be sending you this, since I just now Googled to find out that you were the Governor of the fi… State of South Carolina, instigator of secession from way back.
Anyway, as you know, the President has proposed a Garden of American Heroes, and I thought, actually was hoping, you might be open to a suggestion I have for who would be a worthy person to statue-ify: blue monied, multi-billionaire, modern plantation owner, Dirk Ziff. Now, I know you have your heart set on John C. Calhoun, but think about it, that wouldn’t go over too well right now, you know as he was a very staunch state’s rights (to own and trade slaves) advocate. As a South Carolinian pro-slavery/Confederate apologist, I think you would be very satisfied with Mr. Ziff. The next paragraph I tend to explain why (I know, a random paragraph break that does not really make sense… oh well).
Mr. Ziff’s faux wokeness, relying on blaxploitation documentaries, is perfect for you. Also, he owns an old large, slave owning plantation, which he helped turn into the most exclusive country clubs in the country… in your state! So enterprising! Also, another American virtue he possesses is his inherited wealth, which as we know, is only ever meant for perpetuating itself, something that he has been good at. American Dream. As an added bonus, he has a few slaves he “pays” with living quarters on his various properties. He will fight to keep that up, which I know jives with you. And he is best buds with Harvey, so you might be able to meet some Hollywood starlets!
Anyway, I think you should nominate him. He would be a perfect representative of your state! Subtle racism is the way to go these days. His nomination will take some of the pressure off just nominating a blatant racist like Calhoun. Let me know what you think.
Sincerely
Karl Von Fanningstadt (yes, it is my real name)
P.S. I apologize for the structure of this letter. It’s a mess. I hope you can read… it.
This is the sort of forward thinking our time needs.
You’re assuming the Governor of SC can read. I can assure from experience this is not the case. He’d struggle to follow along with a single BG thread, in fact. He is, however, a member of a white only country club.
http://www.thestate.com/news/polit...
I have to say that I just played golf at a country club, it used to be a golf club when I played there as a member 15 plus years ago, now it is a country club. It is loaded with the biggest douche bags alive (outside of mid length surfers of course). I think most private golf clubs are douchey clubs where people can gripe about how bad everything is outside (and inside) the club. Oh and they are all white clubs
I wonder how Caveira feels about freeing all his shit eating slaves? Has anyone been in contact with him to check he’s okay?
I have no idea what he’s doing, but his sage wisdom is missed. BG would do well to hire him as a staff writer, when/if CT contests resume. His commentary would be nothing less than unique and entertaining.
Wow! You are making us South Carolinians feel special!
I endorse this message.