Brazil nuts!
I woke up early this morning and thought, “Time to drive up to San Clemente, sit across a fine coffee table from David Lee Scales and talk.” Then I thought, “I have talked a lot this week.” After that I thought, “I am the Ryan Seacrest of surf.”
A relatively distasteful figure who is, nonetheless, everywhere.
All the time.
Even though not one person has ever uttered the phrase, “You know what I need right now? Some Ryan Seacrest.”
In any case, after drinking a French pressed pot of French roasted coffee, I drove up to San Clemente and sat across a fine coffee table from David Lee Scales and talked.
About what?
You already know.
Kelly Slater.
First, can I please offer my deep, deep thanks to all of you for the comment thread underneath Derek Rielly’s pinnacle work of art Kelly Slater Hits Back at Historically Inaccurate Troll on Instagram: “I Don’t Give a Shi*t… You’re on Glue. You’re a Miserable Coward… Accusing me of Being a Racist? My Girlfriend is Chinese… F*ck Off.”
The best piece that has ever appeared here, or anywhere for that matter, and you… all of you brought your absolute A games into the comments.
I laughed. I laughed until I cried. Then I laughed some more, fell asleep and drove up to San Clemente, sat across a fine coffee table from David Lee Scales and talked about Kelly Slater and about you.
Oh and the WSL being laughably wrong about everything. And how Ken “Skindog” Collins is the Consciousness of our Community.
And how Surf Ranch is unwatchable and dumb.
Ryan Seacrest 4 Eva!
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Bootsy, backstage at a James Brown concert.
With a fine dime shizzle.
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The Surf Ranch contest is fun to watch if you’re there, because the wave is an accomplishment and the setting is so bizarre.
That is, unless, you are being carted away in an ambulance because you blew your half-turn and bounced off the bottom.
fuckin dick americans on this podcast have no idea how fucked in the head they are
I think it’s funny Kelly goes out of his way to bust the hecklers, but he’s as witty as a ham sandwich and will probably just stop responding at some point.
Sincerely,
Walter Mondale
Nick Carrol, is that you in the picture being penetrated by this beautiful Tomo Slater Design thrusted so intensely by the goat?
Ashton Goggans is such a dorky cunt, even King Slater doesn’t like him
What’s the point of this article? I’ve never read so much that communicated so little.
I’m a big Tarantino fan but Once Upon A Time in Hollywood was a piece of shit.
How do I upvote twice
David: you need to try a caramel Tim tam to understand
Kägi fret chocolate wafers win the treat heat like a rad gymnastic wave pool athlete air spinny.
It might be very dificult when you are 18 years old beautifull lady and cann take the you want, and really everybody wants you, and dann your hormons play a threat with you, you gain weight becomes acne your hair isnt the samme shinny silky… and nobidy looks at you at the streets but you still have this arrogance as you to sit on top of the world…. I was thinking about a girl I meet in the early 2000s that now looks Shaqile Oneal, but it passts perfectly to Oncle Kelly
I’ve never heard of a Brazil nut being anything other than Brazil. Have I not lived long enough or is it more that the term “became” outta hand. If it’s the big one, how, why?
I am here for ryan seacrest!!!! Sexy
PM sent
Can we have a day where we celebrate king kelly instead of mucking him.
REMEMBER: Deep down inside hes just a boy who left home at a young age of 13 and has since looking for his way back.
leaving home was his strength and he has been celebrated for 30 years.
He was fine until Matt George stayed overnight at his place when he was 13.
Rumor has it, he is still running away from the experience
Or ‘Chastity’ as (s)he’s known in certain circles…ahem
I’ll listen to it later
hahaha PPWLL
Bootsy went a bit further than alcohol.
I didn’t get to weigh in on said thread but read on in amazement this morning at work while the surf pumped.
So, in a desperate effort of post FOMO I decided it was high time Slater, or rather slaterism’s needed an urban dictionary entry. My musings passed muster with the UD trolls so it’ll be up “within 24 hrs”
It’s called “Slaterbait”
I did make an intentional error and called him “Bobby” slade just time piss people off
d.l.s. gets so hurt when chas talks about his other / better podcast.
Maybe Bex was Kelly? Kelly needs a Negs like intervention for his Instagram usage!
Gold. This is a conspiracy even Kelly himself could get down with.
both into asian girls…. hmmmmm…..
bexy is a fucking goofy foot mate. case closed, but similar profiles.