Payback: World #25 surfer monetises toxic male desire after enduring “years of abuse” and “misogyny” by “male dominated (surf) industry”

“The managers and the people in positions of power really abuse that to, not just me, but a lot of girls.”

It’s been a terrific couple of weeks, publicity-wise, for the former world number twenty-five rated women’s surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey.

First, there was the pivot from surf to porn with a XXX-rated website that invited men to pay ten-dollars a month to examine, what they hoped, would be a souped-up clitoris ready to spring and a vagina ready to discharge.

The early signs were good.

Posts include, “BARE PUSSY and wet down my stomach…I’ve been eXXXtra naughty girl. CUM taste me” and “SOAKED pussy. My eXXX wet cameltoe after I cum.”

Some early adopters of the website were quick to complain of a poor return on the dollar, however, one man spending eighty-five of ‘em for a “private XXX shower video with my nipples showing.” 

“Her nipples are not visible at all,” the man wrote on reddit. 

Next came an interview with Rupert Murdoch’s news.com.au where Coffey spoke of “liberation” and “empowerment” and “express(ing) myself openly.” 

Yesterday, in another interview with news.com.au, the tabloid writes: “Ellie-Jean Coffey has broken her silence on years of mental and physical abuse in the surf industry she says left her contemplating suicide.”

Sample quotes. 

“At first I thought and believed I was the luckiest girl in the world to be living such a life, and not long after that, the darker side of the surfing industry soon revealed itself to me, and it was terrifying,” Coffey told news.com.au.

“The abuse, both mentally and physically, I endured during my teenage years far away from home with adults in positions of power has haunted me my whole life.”

“It was a pretty horrible time in my life. I think people in positions of power tend to abuse that power, and I was only a young girl, and it’s taken me a long time to recover.”

“I really don’t feel that anyone’s come forward and really highlighted the things about the surfing industry. It goes back decades, this misogyny and male-dominated industry — it’s really toxic.”

“The managers and the people in positions of power really abuse that to, not just me, but a lot of girls.”

“As much as I loved surfing, I just completely broke down. I couldn’t continue with all the abuse; it almost drove me to suicide, and I was lucky to go get that therapy and recover from it. And I know a lot of girls in the industry who have a very similar story.”

Now, journalism ain’t what it used to be. 

And, given the clunky, semi-formal nature of the quotes with links to Nick McCandless from McCandless Group, who “assisted” in setting up the XXX-subscriber-only site, in both stories, I’m guessing, and it’s only a guess, that the revelations were a quid pro quo. 

To wit, exclusivity for “candid” stories, an old-time “scoop” even if the accusations were vague enough to accuse everyone and no one. 

Either way, the fish are biting.


Cheyne Horan, beautifully photographed in Hawaii by the late, great Peter Crawford. | Photo: @petercrawford

Surf Icon in $2 million legal stoush over estate of “alcoholic, cancer-ridden” Aunty, dead forty years!

A Supreme Court blood feud.

The four-time runner-up to the world surfing title and star of the compelling is-he-gay-or-is-he-ain’t surf film Scream In Blue (he would later clarify he dreams about women not men), is locked in a Supreme Court battle over who owns a Sydney terrace house worth two million bucks.

Bondi-born Cheyne Horan, sixty years old and a pioneer of professional surfing, is fighting a “trailblazing female barrister” over who gets the spoils of a house owned by his grandparents, Albert and Alice Horan.

See, Cheyne and his brother Stephen claim their grandma wrote in her 1974 will that she wanted the joint to stay in the family. And, since Cheyne and his bro are her last surviving blood relatives, they get the cash from its sale.

They’re fighting the executer of the will, Sydney lawyer Janet Coombs, a member of the Order of Australia and daughter of Australia’s first-ever governor of the Reserve Bank. A gun, you might say.

It gets weird, as these things tend to do.

A couple of months before Alice died, alcoholic and riddled with liver cancer, two new wills were drawn up, leaving the property to the grandma’s other kid, Cheyne’s uncle John Horan.

John, who is described in court docs as brain injured, suffering a mental condition, violent and “incapable of looking after himself or his affairs”, died in 2016, leaving the now dilapidated house to a Christian charity that no longer exists.

Ms Coombs was named as the executor and trustee of John Horan’s will.

Cheyne and bro want the wills deemed invalid leaving ‘em the house.

Etc and ad infinitum.

Families, eh?

(Read this classic interview with Cheyne, by Matt Warshaw and via the Encylopedia of Surfing, here.)


World-famous surfer, coffee creamer scion, Laird Hamilton posts cryptic message to worried fans: “I need. Acting civilized on land has its place HOWEVER…”

Troubling.

World-famous surfer, part-time Malibu resident, husband, low body temperature enthusiast and coffee creamer scion Laird Hamilton took to Instagram, hours ago, and posted an entirely cryptic message to his legion of 325,000+ followers.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CFpQXI2BU6R/

The photo, which features a Laird Hamilton of indeterminate age (seeing that he has stopped aging decades ago via low body temperature and coffee creamer) carving a yellowed, extremely thin surfboard on a wave’s shoulder, is captioned: “I need.  Acting civilized on land has its place , and I have been doing a lot of that as I’m truly grateful for the opportunities HOWEVER….let’s go! Fueled by @lairdsuperfood”

Many questions.

What does Laird need?

Has he reached, or is he nearing, his breaking point with acting civilized on land?

Does the capitalized HOWEVER effectively cancel his gratefulness?

Where are we going?

Many, many questions.

Worried.


"Hey! That's my grandchild!"
"Hey! That's my grandchild!"

Breaking: 39-year-old woman, possible surfer, enters legendary quarterback Joe Montana’s Malibu home, snatches grandchild from arms and attempts to run out route!

Offsides!

Malibu, once ground zero of California’s surf culture, is a place as beautiful as it is dangerous. First Point, for example, is an exquisite wave and yet decapitation due wealthy kook-on-SUP is an entirely real possibility. Homes featuring stately interiors and multi-million dollar views are regularly threatened with fire and slide.

Or, as it turns out, 39-year-old women, possibly just having surfed First Point, entering unannounced, snatching a baby and attempting the ol’ out route.

This is exactly what happened to legendary National Football League quarterback Joe Montana whilst he and his wife Jennifer were enjoying their stately interior and multi-million dollar views.

TMZ Sports has reported that an unnamed 39-year-old woman entered the Montana home through an unlocked door, saw a woman holding a Montana grand-baby and snagged the child right out of her arms.

Fumble.

The woman then made off to a different part of the house where she was confronted by Joe Montana and while he did not play defense, in the NFL, was still able to wrestle the baby away from the intruder, who turned and ran away.

She was arrested down the street and booked on kidnapping and burglary charges.

Whoa.

What do you imagine is the backstory here?

For sure there’s a backstory.

No?

Just a simple case of Malibu?

Dangerous and beautiful.


"Shhhhh... I'm not allowed to do anything but if I pinch your nose, you'll die faster."
"Shhhhh... I'm not allowed to do anything but if I pinch your nose, you'll die faster."

New South Wales residents infuriated as lifeguards cancel mouth-to-mouth resuscitation: “(It) would haunt you forever if you knew you could save someone but were told not to!”

Peak Covid absurdity?

Australia is rounding the bend toward its first full Covid summer, heat, crowds on the beach, etc. A break from routine, surfing, swimming, remembering that it is possible to enjoy life again. Or possible as long as a lung-full of water is taken in New South Wales and a lifeguard is present.

Typically, a lifeguard would be a welcome addition to any post-near drowning resuscitation scene but not this year for this year mouth-to-mouth has been canceled and the lifeguard must idly stand by and watch vitality slowly drain away from the victim until the only thing left is a cold, grey corpse.

In a Saturday announcement, Surf Life Saving NSW Chief Executive Steve Pearce said, “We’ll no longer be doing mouth to mouth resuscitation, we’ll still be doing CPR.” NSW Emergency Services Minister David Elliott added, “Of course there are going to be changes to the interaction that the Surf Life Savers have with beachgoers and that will see a change to the way that they conduct mouth to mouth. I don’t believe that anybody’s life will be at risk but it shouldn’t be a reason for people to be complacent.”

The cancellation of mouth-to-mouth has angered many with people sharing frustrations on social media.

“If someone is pulled from the water and mouth to mouth could save them (young child etc) I would be doing the mouth to mouth to save a life, that would haunt you forever if you knew you could save someone but were told not to.”

“I think if I was dying I’d rather catch (COVID-19) off the person who just breathed for me until I can do it on my own.”

“There’s something wrong about this. If it can save a life, isn’t that good?”

Etc.

Also not mentioned, but equally serious, is how many couplings will be thwarted by handsome/beautiful lifeguards not allowed to breathe life into handsome/beautiful victims.

But have we reached peak absurdity with the Coronavirus pandemic yet? If someone is literally and actually dying in front of a lifeguard they will not be allowed to save them due to an extremely low-percentage theoretical death?

Or do we have a ways to go before peak absurdity?

More as the story develops.