It’s been six months since WSL heartthrob Drexel Wilson had an epiphany: climate change was real, was happening now, and if someone somewhere didn’t do something quick many of the world’s oceans would be rendered unrippable.
There and then Drexel slammed down his disposable plastic smoothie cup and phoned his agent.
Below is an extract from his diary as a climate activist.
Oops! Looks like old Drex gone broke the internet! Put it across my socials that I could no longer in good faith put my name on another “disgusting hunk of plastic based foam destined only to rot in a landfill or float for eternity in our pristine seas”. The socials blew up. Phone’s melting with calls from all the mags. Even New York Times and The Guardian lifestyle sections want a piece of Drex. Inertia’s coming over to do a video profile – full media engagement.
Board shaper calls raging, take issue with “disgusting hunk” phrasing. Agree to at least ride the warehouse load of signature models I already have. Pitched hemp as viable option and could shaper research it. I think he went through a tunnel at that point.
Read that some takeaway coffee cups aren’t even recyclable. Raging. Call agent and get the ball rolling on 500,000 non-disposable coffee cups with my logo on them (retail $20) and 800,000 non-disposable drinking straws (retail $10 per pack of 10) with my name written along them. Feel much better.
Cash some air-miles for a quick hop from sunny So-Cal to slightly less sunny Germany. Car company wants some optics on me driving around a beach in their new hybrid. Straight to the airport, straight back to So-Cal. Turn on my phone when I hit the tarmac – message from Nate. Swell hitting Mexico tomorrow morning. Lucky I’m already at the airport!
Feel this is karma for all the effort I’ve already put into saving the planet. You’re welcome planet! De nada!
Looks like we might finally be getting the ball rolling on my new range of signature boards. Nate reckons he knows a guy who knows a guy in Brazil who’s cultivated a certain type of bamboo that with a certain type of care and attention (I didn’t catch all the names of the chemicals involved) can be shaped into a right little ripper! Progress!
Call the energy bar sponsor and lay down the law: all products vegan from now on. They’re not happy, something something production costs, reconfigurations, contracts blah blah. Damn suits. Can’t stand conflict, messes with my aura. Fly up to Vancouver and have it out face-to-face. It’s me, some nerd from RnD, some desk jockey from marketing and my agent. The marketing kook comes up with a plan, different bars based on different spots around the world: mango from Indo, avocado from Costa Rica, chilli and chocolate from Mexico, orange from So-Cal, coconut from Hawaii etc etc.
I point out Costa Rica’s major kooksville but marketing dork says it needs to go “cross-markets to be viable”.
I agree provided that all the ingredients are the real deal, flown in, none of this additive shit. Done. #hustle4theplanet
Seems we went overboard on the non-disposable cups/straws idea. Agent calls to tell me a quarter of the batch won’t sell and will have to be blah blah blah. Didn’t catch her last bit. Saw a racoon licking a burrito wrapper and guess I kind of zoned out. #nature
Take a break from saving the world to actually get some surfing done! Tell Nate to do a ring around the gang – Aus trip! This weekend! No excuses! Put it across the socials. Greenpeace send over 500 vinyl stickers to hand out to the Aussie groms – brand optics etc. Get to the airport. Baggage over weight limit by a couple of kg. Dich a board. Comes down to the stickers or the spare selfie-stick. Ditch stickers.
Some great sessions in Aus but even on a trip with my buddies the work never ends! Climate change doesn’t take a vacation! Hook up with my sunglass sponsor and some local marine conservation group and give an interview for some doc about the Great Barrier reef. Get a great view of it flying up to Indo for a couple of bonus waves. Feel proud to be protecting such a beautiful wonder of the world. #blessed #theresnoplanB
Agent phones in a meltdown re: vegan protein bars. Turns out the mango farm in Indo uses slave labour and the Mexican chili company killed a couple of union members. Don’t know who Union are, a soccer team or something? Suggest calling Indo workers “environmental volunteers”. Says that could fly for a bit.
Speaking of flying; Portugal’s pumping! Airport. Lisbon. Supertubos!
Fly down to Brazil with shaper for a meeting with the surfboard wood guy. Seems legit. Big house. Big staff. Barbed wire. Private security. Showed me his fleet of bulldozers. Gives me a tour of the lab where they hope to make this new bamboo stuff. Smelt weird. Felt woozy so didn’t catch all the details, had to go outside and take off my gas mask. Shaper said something about rights of Amazon tribes. Last I saw of him he was getting a private tour of the gym with one of the security guys.
All day meeting with WLS reps re: making the tour more green. Only hybrid or electric model’s car sponsor logos on rash vests; all flags made from hemp; WSL logo green coloured on all products and promotion materials.
Good to know they’re on-board and I can compete with a clear conscience.