"COVID is no joke," says Yago.

A helluva lot of speculation, much of it unkind, about “patient zero” after the Pipeline Masters was indefinitely suspended following WSL CEO Erik Logan and four other WSL staff members’ positive tests for the COVID-19 virus.

The question moistening lips: Who was surfing’s Typhoid Mary? Erik Logan? Maybe Pat O’Connell?

Typhoid Mary aka Mary Mallon was a wild thing, oowee. Carried typhoid but didn’t get it (asymptomatic), worked as a cook, left a trail of dead kids and had to be locked up, on two separate stretches, for twenty six years.

Earlier today, Yago Dora, the Brazilian who was released from quarantine in Texas after ten days despite his COVID-19 test remaining positive, has announced he ain’t surfing’s Typhoid Mary.

You’ll remember, in a now deleted Instagram post, Yago wrote that the WSL had helped him receive an exemption “from the Hawaiian government” thereby allowing him to bypass the state’s fourteen-day quarantine for arrivals who can’t show proof of a neg COVID-19 test three days before their flight.

Yago, who won his round one heat before the contest was called off, jumped on Instagram to explain why he avoided Hawaiian quarantine.

He also included expository videos, which you can watch here. 

Those are strict protocols i had to follow on my case, just like everybody else does as recommended by cdc and Hawaiian state government, if you have been tested positive and went into isolation,once 10 days have passed and you haven’t shown any symptoms, you’re no longer considered contagious and can leave isolation after being seen and cleared by a specialized doctor, and this are the health protocols for these kind of cases as recommended by cdc. Dead cells of the virus can be found on your test samples for more than a month even if after 10 days of no symptoms you’re no longer contagious. I have so much love and respect for the Hawaiian people and every year that i come here i receive so much love and respect back, i would never in my wildest dreams want to put anyone at risk of contamination, covid is no joke and i’ve been following it very closely and trying to learn the most i can about it. I emailed Hawaiis safe travels program myself to know what kind of protocols i had to follow and what my options were, i followed every single detail very strictly and only on the 12th day of isolation i got cleared up to get on a plane. If i meant any risk to anyone i wouldn’t even be allowed into Hawaii and neither into the contest. All i did and will continue doing is following strict safety protocols and i hope everyone else is also doing it. If you still feel offended by my actions i sincerely apologize, but i can assure you that i never put anybody at risk at any time. Appreciate it Much love.

If it ain’t Yago, is it Erik, currently propped up on satin pillows in his canopied emperor bed, hair a snowy heap piled atop his ruined doll’s face?

Or Pat O’Connell, whose condition remains unknown but who is still a stunner, even at forty-nine?

"Not an isolated incident."

A “mammoth” Great White shark that forced a Western Australian beach to be closed twice after being spotted just offshore, and which was subsequently caught and tagged, has been recorded as the second-biggest in the state’s history, falling four inches (10cm) short of  the record. 

Peter Godfrey from the Department of Fisheries told 9News, “It’s very rare to have such a big White shark so close to the metropolitan area.” 

Fisheries laced four drumlines with pink snapper to catch and tag the White. After a wrestle with the lines and a deckhand using his hands to untangle the beast, it was eventually released. 

The beach was opened, then closed after the White came back. 

For generations, pretty Cottesloe Beach, seven miles (11 km) from the centre of Perth, was known for its dreamy grass terraces and even dreamier afternoons in its hotels’ beer gardens, a tangled sea of brown bodies and loose lips. 

Then, in 2000, one year after Great Whites became protected by law, a swimmer, Ken Crew, was attacked and killed by a fifteen-foot Great White in waist-deep water and in front of other swimmers, early morning joggers and cafe diners. He bled out in the arms of a Catholic priest on the beach. 

And here we are.

Surf Life Saving WA said thirty-one sharks had been spotted in the last week, closing eleven beaches and warned of an “abnormally high number of sharks.”

The “mammoth” Great White swimming so close to a popular beach, it said, was “not an isolated incident.”