Worrying.
But how infuriated is the Great White Shark, this morning, to learn that she is not the “most beautiful killer in the ocean?” Likewise, I suppose, how infuriated is the saltwater crocodile, the orca, the giant squid, the Portuguese Man o’ War? All ugly Bettys compared to the glorious Blue Dragon but were you aware of the Blue Dragon’s existence until right this moment?
I was not but now cannot turn away. The cerulean, cornflower, admiral, Aegean blues. Those flower petal-like limbs. Gorgeous, simply gorgeous, but also very deadly.
The Blue Dragon, you see, feeds off the Portuguese Man o’ War and other stinging sea creatures, stores their poison, cooks it, then uses it for an even more potent, more deadly blast.
Like portable methamphetamine kitchens.
Usually these supermodels of the sea are far, far away but, for the first time in recorded history, have begun washing into the lineup and onto the beach in South Africa.
Grandmother Maria Wagener, who found the animals, and usually puts beached things back in the water, said, “I’ve never seen them before and I’ve lived near this beach for most of my life. They’re a bit like a sea scorpion. They are small, about an inch in length. They’re blue on the top and white underneath. I pick up starfish all the time and put them back into the sea but I had a feeling that these would have a sting.”
Thankfully grandmother listened to her instincts as the Blue Dragon sting causes pain, nausea, vomiting and acute allergic contact dermatitis.
I worry that if I was surfing South Africa and a Blue Dragon came washing through I would try to kiss it. Just wouldn’t be able to help myself a la Donald Trump.
Boy would I have been taught a lesson.
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Any reports on if ya can extract the active ingredient, or dry ’em out and smoke ’em ?
That is one angry inch.
I dunno how to tell you this mate. The poor creature is about as dangerous as a prawn. They wash on to beaches around here in their hundreds on the reg and haven’t ever troubled a soul. Completely harmless in other words. But what am I doing? I’m DISRUPTING THE NARRATIVE! Stop it Nick. Naughty boy!
Just don’t tell blokes with an angry inch that their feisty little wang is only as dangerous as a prawn. Makes em mad and consume too much.
You should have written in her dumb Saffa accent and then I would’ve given you 10/10 for this article. What a cool little animal. Icey Dragon.
Valley of the dolls. I remember housewives were taking those in the seventies for “nerves” when I was in grade school. Speed for depression and black beauties to come down.
Chas you need to take a three month long trip to Florida for a new book and daily dispatches. Time to get out of the house. Start at the keys and work your way up to Maine. Such fertile ground for your type of writing. Tom Wolfe in shorthand.
Maybe the fact that he slipped on dog shit provides a hint as to what type of drug he is addicted to. Benzo’s would be my guess. Ever taken one Valium two beers and an oxy, Then gone to In N Out Burger? Pure buttery bliss
Come on Chas. How is this puff piece going to get VALs to quit. You made this vicious aimlessly drifting on the wind sea vipers sound soft, pretty and fluffy. When in truth they are seeking out unsuspecting surfers to become addicts with a hit of the new drug.
This should absolutely be the new focus and direction for BG. How to stop VAL’s starting and how to get VAL’s to quit.
look on a thin leather necklace.
“I worry that if I was surfing South Africa”
You don’t surf, no worry.
I think your just angry that Arecibo is collapsing
Angry no. Optical spectroscopy for me but is a tragedy dish being retired. C’est la vie.
Old school. A type of astronomy I understand.
A leprechaun, a walking tree, and a Blue Dragon walk into a bar
I should quit drinking.
Contact with a Blue Dragon causes the same maladies as contact with Trump. One is blue, one is orange; both very problematic.