Introducing "biteprinting."
Do you recall, last month, when dear Stab magazine tossed its wetsuit advertorials behind a paywall but took time to kick your BeachGrit before locking the door? “For those left it will be a race to the bottom, and speaking from experience, when you’re chasing clicks, you get lost in the outrageous and contagious. Think graphic shark attacks and Ellie-Jean Coffey nudes.”
Well, The New York Times, getting lost with BeachGrit in the outrageous and contagious, just published a fascinating portrait of marine biologist who has an entirely progressive theory on how to deal with “problem sharks.”
Dr. Eric Clua, a professor of marine biology at the École Pratique des Hautes Études in Paris, has taken issue with mass culls after attacks noting that, “They are killing sharks that are guilty of nothing.” The good doctor has found a way to identify sharks that have attacked people, though, through a form of DNA profiling he calls “biteprinting” and believes these incorrigible few can be singled out and executed.
He recently published his findings thereby infuriating his colleagues.
“That’s not how fishing works,” said Catherine Macdonald, a lecturer in marine conservation biology at the University of Miami. “Even when you have a satellite-tagged shark and you know where it is, if you turned up at the site and put a hook in the water, there’s no reason to think you would definitely catch that shark.”
Christopher Pepin-Neff, a public policy lecturer at the University of Sydney who has studied human perceptions of sharks, said the problem, or “rogue shark” theory, is neither cool nor true. “They are basically saying that the shark from ‘Jaws’ is real.”
Blake Chapman, who studied shark neuroscience at the University of Queensland in Australia said removing these guilty sharks “…would be more or less impossible. “I don’t think that the removal of ‘problem individuals’ as a result of this information is a realistic application for the data.”
David Shiffman, a marine conservation biologist and postdoctoral researcher at Arizona State University said, “This idea makes no sense on any level that I’ve been able to find.”
Etc.
Dr. Clua is unperturbed, though, and fighting on for the good people of Réunion Island, setting up his biteprinting operation there to prove that it works.
“I’ll let them bite a pig leg,” he says, “or something else with flesh, muscle and bone.”
Scientific research in the field of Ellie-Jean Coffey nudes is forthcoming.
The shark from Jaws was basically real though wasn’t it, based loosely on the 1916 New Jersey Shark attacks
This will all work well in the GWS* court until the first shark goes with a defense of diminished responsibility and/or temporary insanity.
“I don’t know what happened your honour. One minute I was cruising around aimlessly, and the next thing I knew, I was in a frenzy!”
*Great White Supreme.
after 2 beers they all look like seals to me.
“We went out clubbing, looking to pick up some seals and my drink got spiked with PCP.”
“How did you know it was PCP?”
“Medical reasons.”
“Well, The New York Times, getting lost with BeachGrit in the outrageous and contagious, just published a fascinating portrait of marine biologist who has an entirely progressive theory on how to deal with “problem sharks.”
Not exactly, the NYT publishes thoughtful researched original journalism, BG posts cut and paste click bait.
come on mate, that last line. genius.
Oscar Wilde would be green.
“Scientific research in the field of Ellie-Jean Coffey nudes is forthcoming.”this one? it’s shit.
I concur.
It’s like saying that a trout that hits your dry fly on the surface of a river is a problem fish. They are just fish not mammals, they aren’t that smart. White shark attacks, at least in Northern California seem to be the exact same thing, a predator mistaking prey they see above them. WA attacks seems different, they actually eat people. Not sure why maybe different food items on their menu.
I reckon the surfboard looks like a baby whale from the bottom and where sharks eat baby whales they attack surfers. Just my hypothesis with no science behind it
Up here north of the Golden Gate Bridge they eat seals and nothing else. A surfer looks a lot like a seal floating on the surface.
How do people at universities 500 miles from the ocean, study sharks for a living? Are they the VALS of the marine biology world, and their proposals for presenting at conferences get kook blocked?
It allows them to get grants to go on trips to travel to places like the Bahamas etc to “study sharks”
Can we research cannabis and get grants to go to Jamaica and Amsterdam?
I think you probably could , and I would apply for a trip to Nepal to study the hashish temple balls, and Morocco as well. Thailand to study the origin of the strongest sativa strains.
Careful, you’re going to convince Hippy and Gorilla to go back to grad school.
That would be awesome science
You sure can. Dude I work with is a cannabis professor (and an absolute ripper to boot). He’s had some sweet perks!
a bit like me writing reviews on fine dining establishments. ” there was no main course, just 2 entres but I think I was billed for everyones meal, and there was no tomato sauce on the table. as for the facilities, they would not be capable of containing even small to average bowel movement and there was some bloke in a suit hanging out in there trying to pass of breath mints. no poker machines on the premises. 1/2 a star(the waitress was cute)”
Coffey is most definitely not the VAL of the porno world
Just execute the hungry sharks.. duh