Just in: WSL turns to Newcastle after dramatic sinking of proposed easter contest at Lennox Head!

"We’re a town with little man’s syndrome, forever in nearby Sydney’s shadow, and will jump at the chance for any spectacle to put us on the global map."

With Lennox’s stunning bitch slap still ringing in its ears, the WSL has been forced to scramble and find a fourth location for its earmarked Australian leg of the tour.

But with COVID outbreaks continuing to pop off across the country and state border crossings currently resembling a game of snakes and ladders, pressure is mounting on the Woz to find a suitable spot that’s not likely to shut up shop the moment some poor sod gets the spicy cough.

Half-sucked cocks etc.

Not much time, not many options.

Easy, no? No?

As it turns out, the answer might be right in my own backyard. Newcastle, NSW, Australia.

Your correspondent joked in the comments section yesterday about the potential for NSW’s second to third largest city embracing the tour to its bosom like a roadside madame would a weary traveller.

Sources say there had been some quiet back channeling going on for some weeks between the WSL, Destination NSW and Newcastle council regarding Newy as a potential back up location, despite our six star ‘QS being cancelled for the first time in, like, forty years due to COVID.

Turns out I wasn’t far off the mark.

Sources say there had been some quiet back channeling going on for some weeks between the WSL, Destination NSW and Newcastle council regarding Newy as a potential back up location, despite our six star ‘QS being cancelled for the first time in, like, forty years due to COVID.

It’s now being reported in the local rag that our Lord Mayor has been in direct conversations with tour officials on the possibility.

From behind the paywall:

Newcastle lord mayor Nuatali Nelmes confirmed the ongoing negotiations on Thursday and said the city was ready and willing to host the Championship Tour.

“Bringing a WSL tour event to Newcastle would be a coup for the city and something we are actively working on with the NSW government,” she said. “It’s been fantastic to have the support of the NSW government and Deputy Premier John Barilaro to work on attracting the premier international WSL event back to NSW and Newcastle. Aside from offering a fantastic sporting spectacle … the event would be a major economic and confidence boost to our tourism sector at a time when operators are still struggling to overcome the effects of COVID-19 on their businesses.”

The WSL did not deny its interest in staging a round in Newcastle, saying it “continues to have conversations” with Australia’s state governments about event locations.

Yes! Newy! Home to Surfest, one of the longest running comps in the country.

Scene to some of the greatest competitive stunts in surfing history, like the surf off between all twelve(then) world champions in ‘99 or the time Layne Beachley took on Andy Irons in the men’s division – first female to ever do it – only for them to come fourth and third in their round three heat, respectively.

We’re a town with little man’s syndrome, forever in nearby Sydney’s shadow, and will jump at the chance for any spectacle to put us on the global map.

It’s also a cracking time of year for waves. The annual Nudie Australian Boardriders Battle (held around February/March every year) has been saturated with memorable swells for three years running now.

April’s just as good a time, if not better.

Would the local community be in support of the event? With the right planning and safety protocols, I’d say yes.

None of the issues that plagued Lennox apply to us here.

However, it’s widely recognised that Newcastle is my town.

Any event won’t get the go ahead without my Don-like nod of approval.

WSL: please leave $10,000 in unmarked bills in a Woolworths shopping bag buried under the southern lifeguard flag at Newcastle beach in the next 24 hours, and we can take it from there.