Faith, restored!
I will be very honest. Heck, I always am, with you. When Project Ibelli, launched just over a week ago, hit nearly half of its funding goal after only three days, I thought, “We’ve got this. We’ve actually got this.”
The audacious plan, if you recall, was to crowdfund a sticker, then a message, on the nose Comrade Caio Ibelli’s surfboard for the Newcastle Cup event in order to send a message to surfing’s vested interests. Its billionaire co-Waterpeople of the Year and private equity firms.
This is The People™’s game.
It belongs to us.
Except then, we got close to the beginning of that Newcastle Cup and still nearly half funded and then the hooter sounded and still only half funded.
An overwhelming depressing washed over me.
We had failed.
I had failed.
And carrying this profound sense of failure, I shuffled into Album Surfboard’s podcast studio.
David Lee Scales looked at me like I was dumb.
“What is your problem?” he asked.
“We lost.” I answered.
And then he went on a tear, preaching and prancing about how this is not just a one-off, how we will get Caio his money whether it be by Day 2 of the Newcastle Cup or Day 4 of the Margaret River Cup. That his is a movement and only the beginning of that movement.
Etc.
How could I have had such little faith.
So buoyed was I that I was able to denounce Gerry Lopez at the end of the episode.
Listen here.
I have listed to the first 10 minutes or so am not sure how it’ll play out. But BG’ and Chas’s willingness to slay the kings of our noble pastime never fails to impress.
Much respect to Gerry Lopez but to misquote the editor of a much loved surfing and men’s interest site, “you really looked like Yago Dora out there”
All the important people are already here
Some have even checked out the party realized it’s not their scene and left. Looking at you kelly. I know you read this.
I’ll listen to it later, to quote the ever piquant enigmatic Party Pete.
““What is your problem?” he asked.
“We lost.” I answered.”
I think “ I countered “ would have been the superior verb.
Anyway, I’m not giving a pro surfer the time of day let alone $ .
Fuck the WSL and all who profit from it.
Oh and if Elo is donating, I think you’re doing something right.
What if some of us grumpy locals don’t want to share the peak with a bunch of blow-in kooks?
(Says a blow-in kook)
BTW The forecast for Thursday & Friday is actually looking ok.
Anyone that falls for that Lopez zen master bullshit is a sucker , hollow boards and a global distribution network lightning and rainbows.
But this is not a marketing play! BG buys same song, different day.
My wife loves me so much more when she’s not actually around me.
I live in the nether regions where I am deified to the outside world and not quite achieving goals in the inside one.
Legend in your own lunchtime?
Far from. Seems to be a justification that wives like to project on the outside world a perfect relationship while the minefield it really is secretised.
that one motherfucker’s youtube review of his costco-bought gerry lopez shape was enough for me to denounce uncle gerry. but furrealz, watching old clips of him at moneytrees and speedies and pipe made me denounce myself for denouncing uncle gerr
Seems like a cool dude but damn those speedos. I guess you need to be so focused on health or whatever to not care about what you look like.
the same may have been said about me
Anybody that is comfortable wearing speedos must be doing something right I guess.
JoB and/or Poopies ?
Poor poopies, he must be hiding in the bushes with a tear in his eye watching Mason and his new friend surf every day.
Poopies seems to have moved onward and upward into bigger and better things now he’s hanging out with Steve-O and the Jackass boys though.
Whereas JoB has gone lame now his girlfriend won’t let him play with Skummy and the crew anymore…
JOB so wipped. What’s with all these girlfriends taking over the VLOGS? Next thing you know JOB is gonna be giving tofu cooking recipes.
If you watch that shit you have no one to blame but yourself.
i’m comfortable with both girth, length, and quadriceppened’ness. the general public may have another story
.
I salute your freedom from any type of self consciousness.
Tony Abbot..budgie smugglers!
Can you imagine trump in speedos?
He may have been silky smooth and effortlessly clean in decent sized lefthand barrels, but anything else he always just stunk up the lineup with poor form, big or small, lefts or rights (but especially rights).
Extreeemely kooky backhand style unfortunately.
His nickname should really be ‘stinky britches’…(in anything but perfect barreling lefts)
“stinky britches” – aka Pooman
SHORT Comscore for the win!(SCOR)
I’m just thankful that Pete Mel and Kaipo got left at home for the Aussie tour leg.
If Turdpel had also been passed over for the job it would’ve been even better…
I kind of like the little mermaid Laura on the ski as well.
Definitely
Have they still got that shit-sack Strider on the payroll ? Admittedly I didn’t watch the first day
He’s gone, reminds me of when our dog got cancer and we bought a new puppy while our other dog was still alive. Not good.
yeah man, that’s a dick move. but a move nonetheless
Was out of my control.
You know the sloppy seconds 2nd wave backwash that hits at the end of Kelly’s pool? Waves on day 1 were 5x worse than that.
Gerry came up to talk to me at Padang airport and I brushed him. He looked like a little Indo dude that got me into a lot of trouble once, I really freaked out.
Jealous wife?
Haha nah.
You want ooman? You want maryyyyjuana? You want exxccttasssy? Still don’t know how I was spared the bombings in 02 other than after 2 months bouncing from Bali to Lombok to Sumbawa to the Ments and back the Gland forecast for a last hurrah 3 day strike looked pretty ordinary so we bailed rather than stay in Bali and invariably end up at Sari and Double 6 although the thing that might have saved us that night is that being from Florida we usually didn’t quit doing bong rips and actually heading out for the night until around midnight and the bombs went off at around 11. Just remember landing in LA and having so many texts and VMs on my Nokia asking if we were alive only to find out the shitty forecast caused us to leave the day of rather than stick around, party at Sari, hook up with trannies and catch the G land boat the next day and very possibly get blown to bits by some indo Al Queda martyr fuckwits. Lost several friends Saffa, Kiwi, Aussie and Yank not to mention this fucking crazy Oz footy (not sure if it was Aussie Rules or rugby) guy named Spider that fucking terrified me. He used to show up on the Bukit at 10 am skulling big Bintangs and by 10 pm he was pouring beers on girls heads and daring the whole nation to fight him in the Poppies Lane alleys. He was a maniac and I’m pretty sure he got blown to bits as did lots of less deserving souls. That place has felt haunted to me since, for obvious reasons but a head full of fungus among us usually helps mend the psychic wound
My mother went there in the nineties and some lady offered to show her around, which she accepted, the day she left for the airport the same person was waiting for her and insisted she take a fruit basket as a gift on the plane. My mother got suspicious and went to the restroom to look at it. It had a false bottom with a hundred glass vials of a liquid. She threw it in the garbage and flew home.
You tried psilocybe lately or am I reading your post wrong?
That’s wild. Wonder what the mystery liquid was and why she’d give it to your mom without someone to pick it up on the other end. Indo logic, which is to say illogic I guess.
And no haven’t been on the fungus in some time but wouldn’t mind eating a few caps for old time sake.
Seems like you’re feeling better than a few weeks ago. If so that’s awesome .
It’s odd too that I was planning to stop in from Sumatra to party before heading back home, but the off dealings with this guy inspired me to hightail it home. Rip to all who didn’t make it out.
There was a Surfers Journal article a few years back where Lopez and a few younger surfers went to either Peru or Chile. The local surfer started to explain about where was safe to paddle out, and the hazards of the break, when they noticed Gerry had jumped in the water without listening, only narrowly avoiding getting annihilated on the paddle out. It struck me as very arrogant!
arrogant strikes are the only ones i take across my subservient cheeks
Guess I don’t really care about a post heat shoutout from Caio. It won’t fix the fact that the wsl is likely to continue to run inflated events in shit waves. Honestly I don’t even think if I were to reduce the tour to ten surfers that he would make the cut. I would have to look at the names, but if I were to schedule the tour at the venues I would like to see run it seems reasonable there are ten surfers on tour I would rather watch surf good waves. Don’t get me wrong, I actually like Caio and his surfing, but if given the opportunity to watch the ten worlds best surfers in the worlds best waves I just don’t see Caio even making the cut. The answer is simple. Fuck The WSL. Completely. Who gives a shit about their athletes. I would rather watch a mason ho vs. clay marzo heat at pumping g land than anything they can offer me currently. When can that happen? I’ll pay. Stab100 was damn close to unlocking the answer and it proved that there are plenty of extremely compelling surfers that aren’t on the wsl.
Yeah, how can DLS pontificate on the tour being reduced to only ten surfers and then hail Caio as Pro Surfing’s savior?
First thing they need to do is get rid of the first round non elimination heats. Twelve heats with no real consequences. Air reveres in bad conditions due to the bad location venues makes it less interesting than the pro bass tour.
They’ve also managed to kill all sense of personality that any of the pros had, so there’s no giving a shit who wins anymore. Neutered Conner Coffin vs Lobotomy John John. little piglet phill and hair extension Italo. At least Yago suffers from night terrors. Barrel or nah?
Easy solution just chop the bottom 4 guys off the tour make a top 30 and two wildcards.
Saves a whole day of competition.
Agreed, they need to go back to two man heats. If you lose you’re out. At least then it’s still kind of interesting to watch even if the waves are bad.
The seeding round is a waste of precious time when the swell is tight, but in a way it gives them some warm-up time, never mind all the free surfs before hand.
It could also be argued that it’s an excuse to watch them in an extra heat which is relatively inconsequential to the remaining comp. It lets you see who has a read on the place and who is phoning it in.
I guess you missed the part about Fuck The WSL. I’m sick of polishing this turd. I’m to the point now where I really wish Derek hynd had successfully launched that rebel tour he dreamed of. Imagine where that concept could be today. I’m done considering trimming this tour and moving it here or there. Let’s burn it to the ground and start over.
I love watching mason ho clips period
stop mumbling just name the ten…
How’s this here’s a tour I would rather watch with all non wsl athletes:
Bal Stack
Mason ho
Torren Marten
Asher Pacey
Josh Kerr
Nathan Florence
Alan cleland jr
Russel Bierke
Clay marzo
Mick fanning
Now I bet mick and josh would say no to going back on “tour” but what if the tour was three events through the year at world class locations for only pumping swells. Comp runs in a day. There are probable 100 names you could grab from to make a better product for actual surfers than what the wsl is making right now.
great now cough the dough and you have your lil compy wherever you want, dont forget sunscreen & bug spray…
All I needed was your blessing toofat
The more Lopez talks the less I like him.
They should name a landfill after Gerry
How dare you decry Gerry Lopez. Next you’ll sink to sniping Miguel Pupo for being the new Gerry Lopez.