From 0 -100 in 3 seconds.
The world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater was back on his favorite Australian satirical Instagram account, yesterday, throwing off the gloves and punching all-comers directly in the mouth, including but not limited to a muralist who paints with a gorgeous pastel palette.
The action began underneath a post titled “No Jab For Me” Says Byron Woman Who Lets Untrained Colonics Guru Blast Her Rectum with Litres of Water.
Slater, not willing or able to let the irony stand alone added his own funny in the comments.
“Where do i even begin? With the Mercury, or monkey, pic and human fetus dan, or other ‘inert’ ingredients in vaccinations they sneak in there and tell you are benign? Listen, I’ve researched it and know what this stuff does to a person’s body and blood/brain barrier.”, said the sleeved and tramp-stamped woman, completely oblivious to the high levels of iron oxides, plastics, mercury, cadmium, chromium, aluminum, barium, ferrocyanide, arsenic and beryllium present in her petite, yet predominantly-inked frame.
Over 600 people found the 11x World Champion’s brutal takedown of tattooed, opinionated women likable.
One did not.
@fudge_works, a muralist and photographer, responded, “@kellyslater @instagram protects you from hearing people’s actual opinions about you. Can hide out in that billionaire bubble from pandemic and @instgram will keep you in a criticism free bubble.”
Slater wasted no time in responding, “@fudge_works hey fuckwit… I hope they keep reporting you for being a douchebag.”
A very severe, and instant, raising of the rhetorical temperature.
@fudge_works then explained he was frustrated by Slater’s public response to Australia’s devastating wildfires including an apparent minimizing of the role played by climate change.
Slater came back even fiercer, “@fudge_works did I sleep with your girl back in the day or something? (laughing emoji) I’m no billionaire but you’ve really got yourself hung up over money. No wonder with that art of yours.”
Going directly after a man’s love life and work not enough, the Pipeline Master continued, “Ain’t it just beautiful to see the full wrath of a crazy unleashed by a complete stranger? This guy wins the prize today.”
It was left unclear who the crazy was, who the stranger was, and who won the prize.
The last time Slater visited The Betoota Advocate, he used his time to call England’s Prince Harry a bastard and, his father, Prince Charles a “boring square.”
Character revealing.
I see what you did there
Wow. That’s way bigger than I would have expected. They must be shifting some product to have a team that big.
It’s bizarre that someone like him seems to have as little a life as I have, enough to get embroiled in petty shit like that.
Or perhaps he has even less of ‘a life’ than I, seeing as he is more or less devoid of challenges.
“It was left unclear who the crazy was, who the stranger was, and who won the prize.”
another question as of yet unanswered, what is the prize?
It was all so unclear, and not worth clearing up.
Really? Have you got any intel on how sales are going?
His right about the royals.
Time to become a republic!!!
Your joking, right?
Anti vaxxers need to be celebrated. Less drag on social security and pension costs long term, provided hospitalisation/morbidity costs are cheaper than those long term costs. Yeah, I agree with you, putting that thing in your body is scary. You want to die first? Step forward fuckwit.
Show us.
conspiracists amongst us might believe it was because it was an opportune time to swerve a fairly lacklustre swell and get a fifth wave coffee. For the record: I do so believe.
When ur doctor thinks its bullshit, you re good to go. Documentation is a joke these days.
Wot? Please explain.
You don’t get cliff notes for everything in life. Figure it out!
Hmmm, I tend to think, comrade, that you are beyond elucidation.
Ok Joiny
So fun so far.
Jeremy giving a classic interview as Stace tries to hint about the young fans and he doesn’t get it, Ron-dawg giving a puritanical apology for a couple of shits, and Jesse choking on a mouthful of pie during her camera stint.
Bring on the live comments.
I don’t think there’s an outerknown marketing department.
Kelly is proof that money doesn’t buy happiness and that social media rots what little there is of people’s brains.
Are you gunna open the commentz on narrabeen right now now now or not? Cause I’m well past knacked and half way to drunks and at least a third of the way to sleepy. Fanks, heaps.
character revealing.
I think everyone including kelly knows it will inevitably be the airlines that makes us all get the jab before we can fly again. I reckon thats why he went and saw australia and indo for the last time last year
Is there such a thing though ?
Isn’t outerknown just Kelly on his own, getting his Mum or Chinese(?) (ex)girlfriend(?) to sew up some gear for his own use ?
Has anyone else ever been seen wearing any ? Let alone buying it…
jajaja
DID I SLEEP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND …..I HAD A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
Edgar Allan Poe
I heard rumored that an alleged older pro surfer was alleged to have slept with the young fiancé of another alleged young pro surfer after the young alleged pro surfer was alleged to have beaten the older and alleged somewhat balding pro surfer in a final of an event next to an alleged event site which is alleged to have poles which are alleged of supporting a Pier …. some poles ,which have been alleged to have barnacles covering them , actually do ….the rest is just allegations