World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater unleashes savage tirade on British royal family: “I’d be mad too if they disapproved of my hot American wife cuz it didn’t fit into their ongoing inbreeding program!”

Extremely cruel.

Kelly Slater, is not currently locked inside an Ibis Budget hotel room in the city of Newcastle, getting fed meat pies slid underneath a prefabricated door, drinking water from the bathroom tap while watching The Morning Show, staring down the barrel of thirteen more days of the same, no.

As reported here, the 11-time champion decided to skip the WSL’s re-jiggered Australian leg citing a four-year-old injury.

Sad but maybe all for the better as late last night, the world’s greatest surfer sunk his polished fangs into the British royal family, and Australia’s official head of state, with such ferocity, such vigor, as to make England’s notoriously heartless tabloids wince.

On the very funny Betoota Advocate Instagram account, Slater wrote in response to the recent, much discussed Duke and Duchess of Sussex Oprah interview:

I’d be mad too if I was James Hewitt’s unacknowledged, illegitimate kid, got essentially kidnapped and held hostage by the royal family, was forced to pretend that boring, square Prince Charles was my dad all those years, then they cut off my trust fund, and disapproved of my hot, American wife cause it didn’t fit into their ongoing inbreeding program. Did I miss anything?

I’ve, honestly, never read anything so mean in my entire life.

So savage.

Sassy, moody, nasty.


As countdown to chapter four of docu-series ‘Billy’ Begins, big-wave world champ Kemper’s pelvis takes its place in anatomical lore!

A star is born!

Maradona’s hand. 

J-Lo’s derrière.

Billy Kemper’s pelvis.

Before you even realized what was happening, with a heartrending crack, the world shifted beneath your feet.

One year ago, when hard-charging tricenarian Billy Kemper’s pelvis was shattered on cold Moroccan stone, the news made the rounds across multiple mainstream publications.

Like Kelly’s foot, like Taj’s knee, like Bede’s pelvis before Billy’s, we all expected a brief flurry of schadenfreude-fueled media excitement, followed by the quick demise of the story in a rapid, 24-hour news environment.

But one year later, in a second act rivalling that of Cher, CNN is reporting how Kemper “glimpsed at death after a wave broke his pelvis in half.”

Just like that, a star is born.

A stunning turn of events. The public, blindsided.

But at least one man saw it coming.

As previously chronicled in BeachGrit, WSL CEO Erik Logan, noticing a disturbance in the force, took quick action to bring Billy home.

In a brief but titillating appearance in Chapter three of “Billy”, Elo chronicled his own humble, yet vital, role in the events that future generations may well judge to be a high watermark in the history of our great sport.

As Logan recounts of his first inkling of disaster, “My first interaction was a WhatsApp text that showed up out of the blue from a Hawaii number”.

Tears fell.

“Gonna get you home, Billy,” WSL CEO Erik Logan tells the Champ.

The rest is history.

Perhaps, in the wake of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s interview with Oprah, the media frenzy surrounding Kemper’s now-healed member will finally abate.

But with chapter four due in coming days, all bets are off.

Are you counting down?

Watch parts one, two and three here.

Surf-clad young toughs viciously attack elderly man in Newport Beach: “Someone shouted ‘beat him down’ and the kids descended like rabid dogs, like trendy vultures!”


It must have been fifteen, or such, years ago when I was first introduced to a stylistic package that has since become the modern surf uniform. I had been tasked to interview Dane Reynolds, then the best surfer in the world, and drove to his Ventura home. He greeted me at the door wearing a baggier work pants cut high at the ankle, white socks and blue Vans Sk8-Hi.

This, you will recall, was dead center of the skinny jeans, no socks, Vans Classic era and I thought “Hmmmmmm.”

Well, as in most things, Dane was prescient et viòla.

The modern surf uniform.

A vicious pack of young toughs, wearing it, were videoed Saturday descending on an elderly man in Newport Beach, very near the dirty ol’ Wedge, punching and kicking him into a catatonic state before a bystander intervenes.

It is unclear what set off the action but they cannot be older than thirteen, maybe fourteen. One can be heard yelling “beat him down” before they turn rabid, throwing fists, swinging legs, then escaped into the night.

The elderly man was taken to a nearby hospital where he is in stable condition.

The video of the incident has since gone viral and police are looking for information. I don’t envy them their task as every thirteen, maybe fourteen, year old surfy Orange County boy looks exactly the same.

What do you think will replace the look?

Back to skinny?

Boot cut?

More as the story develops.

World #25 surfer turned adult entertainer Ellie-Jean Coffey tells 60 Minutes her XXX-site “empowers women”; tells fans, “I even suck on my own butt plugs in my videos”

"Of course it's heated, it's a provocative website."

In an interview with the Australian franchise of 60 Minutes, the former WSL surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey has made the astonishing claim she soaked fans for a million bucks during the first month of operating her soft-ish porn site,

Coffey don’t make a mill every month, it varies she says, but sometimes, yeah.

(Side note: a source on the Gold Coast said she showed him a screen-grab of her bank account revealing the million-plus balance.)

Is she a multi-millionaire?

“No comment,” she says.

Coffey says she spends a considerable part of each day in paid private chats with her VIP fans, an occupation that is “usually pretty heated. Of course it’s heated, it’s a provocative website,” adding,”I feel as if I’m in a relationship with all these people.”

Asked if she believes her work undermines female empowerment, Coffey says,

“I think it’s the opposite. It empowers women.”

Fans have been treated to a cornucopia of treats recently including the sucking of a used butt plug and sharing the screen with sister Bonnie and getting “TOUCHY and FEELY with some kissing action” among other events.

Over on Discord, where money is pooled to buy videos such as “Was fingering my pussy, thinking of you” for sixty-five dollars and “Taking panties off and nips piercing through shirt” for twenty-five, fans have become increasingly cruel.

“They didn’t photoshop the gut out in 60 Minutes.”

“Hope she paid income tax on the money or the ATO gonna be all up in that.”

Coffey, who is a former world twenty-five on the WSL’s qualifying series for women, caused much tabloid sorrow last year when she was the subject of a “lewd ambush” by the author of the best-selling biography of prime minister Bob Hawke. 

A terrible episode.

Enjoy the original interview that gave tabloid readers the vapours here.

ESPN publishes exhaustive profile of two-time World Champion Tyler Wright: “I am a white person and I have benefited from white supremacist structures”

Much insight.

Australia’s Tyler Wright has re-exploded onto the scene after a lengthy absence where only rumor and mystery percolated. She is now the face of the World Surf League, eclipsing Kelly Slater as its most visible star. ESPN, the sporting news juggernaut, has just published a book-sized profile of Wright, her struggles and triumphs, providing much clarity and insight.

Some salient bits…

On goal in coming back to surfing after a lengthy illness: I realized if I’m coming back, I am going to show up with who I am as a human first. Surfing needs people who are going to get into boardrooms and have hard conversations. I’m asking for equality for women, equality for the LGBTQ+ community, equality for Black and brown and indigenous people. I honestly don’t care about winning more world titles. But I know what gets me in the room.

On being part of a legendary surfing family: When you’re that young, it’s not something you question. They competed, so I competed. One in, all in. It was all so insular. By the time I established my own thought processes, I was already on the world tour.

On getting on tour at sixteen: Everyone was like, “You’re living the dream at 16.” I was like, “Whose dream? I don’t f—ing dream of this s—. I want to read books. I want to go to school.”

On the early pressure to conform: We have to make the women’s tour about sexy models who surf to make it marketable. The model pro surfer was someone who was silent, white, hot, blond, skinny and hetero.

On winning her first world title: I don’t want to glorify any of it. I wasn’t competing in a healthy manner. People wanted the story to feel good. I wanted the story to feel good to make it worth it. But mentally, all of this scrambled me.

On realizing she was gay: I wouldn’t have said that I was homophobic, but you realize really quickly the internalized homophobia you have. If you’re not gay or part of the LGBTQ+ community, then you don’t have to look at it. But you’re being raised with all these drip-fed views. Meeting Alex, that’s when the un-learning process began for me.

On being public with her new relationship: The general culture of the surfing community has been homophobic, racist and extremely sexist and that’s been the standard across the board. I told (her girlfriend), “Oh no. You cannot show me affection here. You have to be a platonic friend.” I didn’t feel safe at all.

On rare illness that drove her out of sight for nearly two years: Overnight, I lost everything, what made me Tyler Wright. I lost my personality, my physicality. I’m used to excruciating amounts of pain, but the physical pain got so bad that it would mentally break me. And it broke me every day. I didn’t get a minute where I was unbroken.

On then being diagnosed with PTSD: It’s overwhelming, always being on the verge of panic. My life is literally trying to walk through a minefield and not jump at my own shadow.

On awakening to social issues: I understand that in this conversation, I am a white person and I have benefited from white supremacist structures. We have to start dismantling those structures.

On newfound freedom, and responsibility: I think it would feel very human to win another world title with this mindset. And the more I’m on the podium, the more I’m on your screens, the more important conversations I get to have.

Read in its entirety here.