Watch: “Grumpy Local Fever” breaks out at Ohio waterpark as attempted snake on surf-themed ride leads to all-out brawl!

A dangerous mutation.

Three years ago, now, and in a brave speech to the Surf Industry Manufacturers Association, co-Waterperson of the Year and owner of the World Surf League first identified the “grumpy local” as a dangerous scourge.

But don’t pretend you don’t know that when you go beyond constructive criticism and cynically try to rally negative sentiment towards the WSL, when you try to take us down, you are not just going after us. You are going after Kelly Slater. You are trying to take down Lakey Peterson. You are going after the dreams of Caroline Marks and Griffin Colapinto. You are undermining the hopes of every kid who lives with salt in their hair, dreaming of being a world champion one day. And I ask you: Why? It seems pretty obvious that if the WSL keeps growing in popularity, and surfing takes its rightful place among the great and elite competitive sports, everyone connected with our sport, and certainly all the members of SIMA, will prosper, except maybe a few grumpy locals who have to deal with some new faces in the lineup.

Long relegated to coastlines, that grumpy local festered and complained, told kooks to beat it and went after the dreams of Caroline Marks and Griffin Colapinto. A nasty virulence but contained to ocean-fronting states.

Until now.

With the growth of wave pools and “surf-themed water rides” in Lemoore, Munich and Texas it was only a matter of time before grumpy localism spread and, last week, a particularly nasty grumpy locals, dealing with new faces in line at a “surf-themed water ride” at Kalahari Resorts in Sandusky, Ohio really got into it.

Per several news reports two “surfers” tried to cut, or snake, the line and then things went wild. punches thrown, punches received, people knocked out, lifeguards arriving to sort out the hurt and getting knocked out too.

Erie County Sheriff Paul Sigsworth, not used to grumpy localism, initially blamed alcohol for the fracas, telling Cleveland 19 News, (Two of the involved parties) were both very intoxicated, and they were also combative. The male was combative with our deputies. He was charged accordingly, and he also had a warrant out in the state of Michigan. We want everybody to come and have a good time, but we want them to be responsible with their consumption of alcohol. We’ll continue to respond to 911 calls out there, whatever they may be, and if people are intoxicated to the point where they’re causing a disturbance, they’re going to be arrested.”

We know that alcohol is not to blame, though, and co-Waterperson of the Year Ziff should think about setting up grumpy local mitigation centers in waterpark adjacent communities as part of his philanthropy.

Wise and kind.

Watch here (if you’re of age and not easily triggered).