Lemonade out of lemons!

“When the world gives you lemons, make lemonade,” is a fine aphorism, one that inspires and delights in times of trouble, one that the World Surf League has just utilized by revealing next year’s “landmark fully-integrated 2022 Championship Tour” in order to paper over the now-more-than-likely cancellation of the upcoming Barra de la Cruz event.

As you know, Covid has ravaged the state of Oaxaca and images of smiling professional surfers traipsing in for play play fun time will likely not make a positive impression on locked down locals. Also, the WSL does not have the best track record as it relates to its patented “abundance of caution™” as CEO Erik Logan contracted the respiratory illness at the beginning of the year, in Hawaii, even with much daily testing, promises of safety procedures etc.

But on to the lemonade, and per Santa Monica’s press release:

The 2022 WSL CT will include 10 regular-season events in seven countries, starting in January at the world-famous Pipeline in Hawai’i, for the first-ever men’s and women’s joint event at that legendary break. The CT will return to G-Land, Indonesia, which is back on the CT for the first time in 24 years for the men and for the first time ever for the women, and conclude in August at the infamous Teahupo’o in Tahiti before the second-annual Rip Curl WSL Finals in September, where the WSL Final 5 men’s and women’s surfers will face off for the undisputed World Title.

“The WSL exists to steward and celebrate the world’s best surfing and this redesigned Tours and Competition framework is historic in many ways, serving as the core engine of our business,” said WSL CEO Erik Logan. “In collaborating with our surfers and partners on delivering events like the Billabong Pro Pipeline, the MEO Portugal Pro, the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach, the Quiksilver Pro G-Land, the Oi Rio Pro, the Margaret River Pro and others, we’re thrilled to announce one of the most exciting WSL Championship Tour calendars in history for next season and set the framework for the sport for years to come.”

2022 WSL Championship Tour Schedule*

Pipeline, Hawai’i – January 29 – February 10
Sunset, Hawai’i – February 11 – 23
Peniche, Portugal – March 3 – 13
Bells Beach, Australia – April 10 – 20
Margaret River, Western Australia – April 24 – May 4

Mid-Season Cut – 36-man and 18-woman fields reduced to 24-man and 12-woman fields.

G-Land, Indonesia – May 28 – June 6
Trestles, USA – June 15 – 22
Saquarema, Brazil – June 27 – July 4
Jeffreys Bay, South Africa – July 9 – 18
Teahupo’o, Tahiti – August 11 – 21

WSL Final 5 determined to battle for the undisputed men’s and women’s World Titles.

Rip Curl WSL Finals, location TBA – September 7 – 18

How do you feel about that?

Refreshing and delish?

Lightly bitter?

Proud.

I am often made proud by our wonderful grumpy locals, our gorgeous salt-crusted grouches. Out there, barking, frowning, paddling over VALs, paddling through VALs, trying to drive over SUPs left in parking lots, not allowing large SUP groups to come to surf camps.

Speaking of, Thunderbomb Surf Camp in southern Nicaragua which asks, “Why not get uncrowded waves with great accommodations? With our surf vehicles and local boat captains you will have the freedom to surf more than just the beach out front. Here you can surf world-class waves, get barreled at The Boom, carve epic points, or even learn to surf without the crowds that plague the beaches of Costa Rica and southern Nicaragua,” just received a sure-to-be-financially-rich offer from a SUP group and publicly said, “Fuck no.”

The reveal was met with much praise. Proud. Proud that grouch is praised more highly than the mighty Córdoba. Proud that 8 mistaken men, some with wives, are going to have to think about life choices and reflect.

Proud.

So very, very proud.

"The world is finally ready for us."

“Patron Saint of VALs” and new Malibu local Jonah Hill recently celebrated his status with a Brothers Marshall inspired “Body Love” tattoo.

The logo, lightly borrowed from Body Glove, features the iconic yellow hand except not in its classic style but making the sign language gesture for “love.”

Comments on Hill’s Instagram page were universally positive. @kookoftheday weighed in, hoping that the star of Superbad might consider a KOTD tattoo next. Famous surf water photographer Daniel Russo replied, “Should have gotten one that says ‘soft top’ instead.” Renzo Gracie from Brazilian jiu-jitsu fame shared bumping knuckles emojis and Zoe Kravitz said, “Yesssssssss.”

The wonderful Brothers Marshall, Trace and Chad, shared that they drew up the logo in the early 2000s and are happy that it has found a wonderful permanent home, telling BeachGrit, “The world is finally ready for us,” which brings up a very important question.

If you were going to tattoo one surf logo onto thyself, what would it be?

Gotcha’s fishman?

The Hurley H?

Quiksilver’s mountain and wave?

Billabong’s Billabong?

A funny twist on a classic like Jonah Hill, Santa Brewz instead of Santa Cruz for example?

Many choices.

Freedom isn't free.

Yesterday happened to find me on a lake in the Grand Teton National Park, sun shining, Tetons towering, bald eagles sitting on tree branches staring out disdainfully.

Even though it was a Sunday at the beginning of August, the lake was empty, water oil glass, air temperature a perfect 78 degrees Fahrenheit, water a cooling 71.

The most kind Travis Rice was hosting on his fine Mastercraft fitted with wake skates and e-foils.

I looked at those e-foils, when we boarded, and thought, “Ugh. Dumb. Mark Zuckerberg is dumb.”

But then there we were, Tetons towering, bald eagles being assholes, and I thought, “You know, I should try the darned thing in order to really curse dumb Mark Zuckerberg properly,” so I hopped into the cool, grabbed the bluetooth handle, slid onto the surf traction’d deck, and pulled the trigger.

Rice, himself, had given me a quick tutorial before and said, “Just cruise around on your belly for a while then get up slowly but stay toward the front of the board until you want to foil then shuffle slightly back. Remember, speed is your friend. Also, stay away from the thing when you fall off and don’t keep pressing the trigger.”

Immediately, I pictured amputation.

I cruised around on my belly for a minute, finding speed, then hauled up to feet, staying forward, shuffling back and…

…foiling.

Oh my goodness, I was foiling and it felt so good, so glorious, smooth as butter, not a sound but the warm wind whispering secrets in my ear. It felt, almost, like riding deep perfect powder. Like finding the pocket on a head high point and just cruising.

The obvious pride Zuckerberg had in himself, the way he so thoroughly pressed his buttocks out, had given me the impression that it would be very difficult and also amputation, but it was not difficult. It was easy and it was fun. Ridiculously fun and I flew across the water with an embarrassing smile plastered across my embarrassing face.

Zuckerberg may have been wrong in his pride but he was right in his pursuit of the e-foil life and I would recommend to you with only a few caveats.

1. Do not let anyone picture or video you.

2. Do not let anyone see you.

3. Do not tell anyone about your e-foil experience.

And that is all I have to say about that.