Farris (pictured) ripping the curl. Photo: The Mermaid Society
Farris (pictured) ripping the curl. Photo: The Mermaid Society

In glass ceiling shattering moment, Brooke Farris announced as new Rip Curl CEO becoming only second woman ever to lead heritage surf brand!

Many huzzahs.

Torquay’s Rip Curl made history, days ago, by appointing Brooke Ferris as the new CEO, making her the second woman in history to occupy the corner office of a heritage surf brand. She will be replacing outgoing CEO Michael Daly, who is sliding over to become CEO of Rip Curl’s parent company Kathmandu Holdings.

In a statement, Daly said, “After a thorough search process, involving both internal and external potential candidates, I am delighted to announce that Brooke Farris will be the new CEO of Rip Curl. Brooke has contributed greatly to Rip Curl’s success and growth over the past 11 years with her indisputable commitment to the brand, our product, and our crew. I am confident she will bring this same commitment and leadership in her new role. Congratulations Brooke.”

Farris added, “Rip Curl has been threaded throughout my life since I was a teen. I’m honoured to be announced as the new CEO. It’s an absolute privilege to lead our talented and passionate crew across the world and I’m motivated to build on our esteemed 52 year history and capitalise on our continued market success.”

And much “bravos,” many “huzzahs” all around.

I remember having enjoyable conversations, years ago, with Farris at various Rip Curl sponsored professional surfing competitions. At the time I imagined myself to be thoroughly winning and charming though, looking back, it is more than likely that I was over-confident and lightly boorish. It always surprised me that she would speak with me due my run-ins with various Rip Curl stars including, but not limited to, Mick Fanning and Neil Ridgway. Displaying the sort of steel spine, poker face, that makes for an excellent leader, I suppose.

If I had money in the stock game, I would divest from Laird Superfood and go all in on Kathmandu.

A smart bet.

Read surf star’s accidental X-rated Instagram post to retiring French Olympian Jeremy Flores, “You won the best blowjob Teahupoo competitions…”

Echoes of WH Auden’s The Platonic Blow… 

A little light relief from the desk of Joan Duru, the prematurely weathered French surfer who won the Olympic qualifying event in El Salvador but not enough, perversely, to get him onto the French Olympic team. 

Now, in a saucy post to his retiring countryman Jeremy Flores, Duru has, in a metaphorical sense, opened his fly, a ten-inch monster lunging from the lair as Flores’ bottom lip trembles uncontrollably.

Writing on Instagram,

Félicitation pour ta carrière incroyable !
T’as gagné les meilleurs compets pipe teahupo et à la France 🇫🇷 !
Bravo et merci d’avoir poussé toute une génération française en arrivant avec un niveau de fou!
Bravo le fou va falloir fêter ça maintenant


Hit the translate button and,

Congratulations on your amazing career! You won the best blowjob Teahupoo competitions and France! Well done etc.

Accidental? A coded message? Freudian?

Very reminiscent of Auden’s The Platonic Blow, which you can, and should, read here.

A sample passage,

By soundless bounds it extended and distended, by quick
Great leaps it rose, it flushed, it rushed to its full size.
Nearly nine inches long and three inches thick,
A royal column ineffably solemn and wise.

I tested its length and strength with a manual squeeze,
I bunched my fingers and twirled them about the knob,
I stroked it from top to bottom. I got on my knees.
I lowered my head. I opened my mouth for the job.

More as the story grows…

Conner (pictured) brave and inspiring.
Conner (pictured) brave and inspiring.

Premium surf magazine uses racist trope, rampant deadnaming, in denigrating Conner Coffin’s inspiring push into the World Surf League’s first-ever championship day!

"Don’t let anyone get you down or keep you from achieving your goals!"

And this is the end, beautiful friend, this is the end, my only friend, the end. With the cancelation of the Ok Pro Teahupo’o, we now have our official final five who will each be invited to the first-ever championship day, at Lower Trestles, wherein they fill fight to the death.*

On the women’s side we have: 1) Carissa Moore 2) Tatiana Weston-Webb 3) Sally Fitzgibbons 4) Stephanie Gilmore 5) Johanne Defay.

For the men: 1) Gabriel Medina 2) Italo Ferreira 3) Filipe Toledo 4) Conner Coffin 5) Morgan Cibilic.

Coffin’s run into the draw is particularly inspiring especially for the hardworking, under appreciated, work-a-day folk. A light blue collar hero like Bruce Springsteen before him but premium surf magazine Stab, still buckled under woke pressure, was frustrated by the turn, writing, “Connor Coffin fell short to Leo in the quarters but managed to smash his acoustic guitar into the back of Griffin Colapinto’s head. Connor got enough points this comp to take Griffin’s spot at Trestles, stripping him of the opportunity to win a world title at home. I’d love to share my feelings on this, but this less than appropriate YouTube comment does enough: ‘Connor winning lowers would be like a white guy dunking in the NBA.'”

Condemnation was swift with Coffin, long a BeachGrit favorite (listen here), taking to Instagram and writing,”Stab, thanks for your continued ‘premium’ journalism, you could spell my name right. It pissed me off for a few minutes, but then I thought about all of the times people have doubted me, said I wasn’t good enough, said I can’t do something that I wanted to do and how I’ve always channeled it and combined that with passion, hard work, and love to accomplish my goals. In posting this, I hope it encourages you guys to use negativity and spin it into a positive and don’t let anyone get you down or keep you from achieving your goals! Also, I’ve known @griffin_cola since he was a kid and I’m always happy to see people I know do well in life!!!!”

Jimmy Wilson added, “Most NBA players can dunk regardless of ethnicity. That’s just a dumb reference. You and Morgan both earned your way to Lowers.”

Fioravanti, who beat Coffin in the quarters at Barra de La Cruz, weighed in, “Great post bro. You work hard and deserve being there as much as anyone! Keep it up,” thereby opening a deluge of professional surfer support.

Jack Freestone: Powerful words. Fuel to your fire brother. Can’t wait to watch you go mad in the event.

Conner’s brother Parker Coffin: MVP OF THE LEAGUE WAS WHITE LAST YEAR! nobody deserves to be more than you… fuel the fire with it !!!! LETS GO!!!!!

Lakey Peterson: Smash em at lowers Con!!

Seth Moniz: Most deserved brother! Fuel the fire and prove them wrong once again

Sage Erickson: You deserve that spot 100% best rail game on tour by far.

Johanne Defay: So pretty to turn that into good words! Gréât Spirit, amazing surfer !! #letsgo

Joe Turpel: Proud of you Conner!!!


Stab, with a mission of being accepted by, and allowed to tag along with, professional surfers is certainly tucked under its warm down comforter, spooning Rocky Road ice cream directly from tub to mouth while hot tears stream down red cheeks.


*Achieving points by pleasing judges with a series of turns punctuated by an air reverse.

BeachGrit principal becomes poster boy for Australia’s “arrogant pariah state” New South Wales and its “proudly libertine” attitude toward Covid-19 lockdown measures!

"If they can't control it they're going to be cut off."

Covid-19 restrictions are, officially, back in vogue with whole countries going back under lock and key in order to stop the spread of the virus birthed in China. The Ok Pro, Teahupoo, cancelled, leaving Charles de Gaulle without a PCR test, not allowed, being maskless in Los Angeles, uncool.

Controls and constraints here and there and everywhere being obeyed to the letter… except for Australia’s New South Wales, which has infuriated its neighboring states, becoming a “pariah” even, with its “arrogance.”

As cases rise in NSW, health minister Brad Hazard is lashing out at men and women outside playing, saying, “What worries me is no matter what legal orders or requirements are in place, you can’t legislate against stupidity, arrogance and entitlement. Clearly, the rule is now that you shouldn’t just travel from house to another for the sake of moving to the other house. Choose the property you are living in and stay there.”

One image, in particular, is roiling Victoria, Queensland, South Australia etc. A fit, clearly handsome man wearing full, black neoprene and holding a progressive pink and blue surfboard is leaning in, hugging another man whose face reflects not a care in the world.

Proximity, as you certainly know, is extremely forbidden.

The most verboten, in fact.

The Daily Telegraph splashed the photo on its pages, full color, under the headline ‘Arrogant’ NSW becomes Australia’s pariah state.

Upon closer inspection, the “arrogant pariah” surfer is none other than BeachGrit principal Derek Rielly.

A fine collection of descriptors to add alongside “bad dog” and “irreverent online publication.”

Viva anti-depression.

Former top Hawaiian pro surfer and co-founder of RVCA Conan Hayes revealed as a “minor celebrity” in election fraud conspiracy circles under anonymous Twitter handle “We Have Risen”; named in election data leak!

From pro surfer to toy merchant to self-appointed detective uncovering electoral frauds!

One of the more interesting post-pro surfing careers belongs to the Hawaiian Conan Hayes, a pivotal member of the Momentum Generation who would split the sport at the turn of the century to co-found a label that would eventually be worth thirty-ish mill.

(Interestingly, RVCA’s website has erased Hayes, who sold his share of the company to his partner Pat Tenore for $7.5 mill, from its history and further claims that “RVCA is the brainchild of company founder, PM Tenore.

In 2015, Hayes was hit with grand theft charges by the Orange County DA, who alleged Hayes had committed short sale fraud against the Bank of America “by providing Bank of America with false information concerning his financial net worth, which was in the millions of dollars, in order to qualify for short sale relief.”

The charges were dropped two years later “among a myriad of scandals following the prosecution.”

Now, and as revealed by Vice, Conan, a chameleon who, after selling RCVA operated a warehouse importing children’s toys in LA, is playing a significant role in the US’s culture walls.

To wit, the 2020 election was stolen from Trump by dark forces etc.

I’ll keep the preamble short, it ain’t that exciting, but a Colorado election official has been accused of leaking data from her county’s voting machines and sharing it with election conspiracists.

And here comes Conan!

In recent years (Hayes) has become somewhat of a minor celebrity in election fraud conspiracy theory circles, under his anonymous Twitter handle We Have Risen. He has worked on an election audit in Antrim County and has suggested on social media he was in Phoenix where the Arizona audit is currently taking place. He also has links to Doug Logan, the Cyber Ninja CEO who is currently running the sham audit in Maricopa County.

Further evidence that Hayes was the person who captured the images was provided by cyber security experts tracking this situation, who found Hayes’ initials in the downloaded files:

Clevenger confirmed to VICE News on Thursday that it was in fact Hayes who had provided the data from Mesa County to Watkins. What Clevenger, who represented the Seth-Rich conspiracy theorist Ed Buttosky, was not able to say for certain was if it was Hayes who also provided the video clip to Watkins, who Gerard Wood was, or if, as some open sources investigators tracking this situation believe, that Hayes and Wood are in fact the same person.

Note: Conan’s tweets are protected, gotta be approved to get in, but despite the gate he has an impressive thirty-five thousand followers. 

More to come, got our investigative boy Hobbsy onto it.