Underwater challenge at Surf Ranch. Surprisingly, the two Hawaiians, Zeke and Kai, finished last and second-last.

Rumour: ABC set to cancel The Ultimate Surfer after ratings dive following underwhelming premiere!

Two separate Hollywood sources have confirmed the surf reality show, which counts showbiz heavyweights Erik Logan and Dana White as its executive producers, and which BIPOC surfer Zeke Lau eventually wins, is set for the chopping block. 

Word on the street, the studio, Burbank, Hollywood, whatever, is The Ultimate Surfer ain’t gotta get through its eight episodes, after ratings dived almost ten percent following an already underwhelming premiere. 

You’ll remember, two days ago, viewers lunged for the remote control as the opening credits rolled for The Ultimate Surfer following Bachelor in Paradise.

Under the clever headline, ‘The Ultimate Surfer’ Premiere Wipes Out in TV Ratings,” The Wrap declared, “The Ultimate Surfer didn’t catch much of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’s’ ratings wave with Monday’s premiere, which received a 0.3 among adults 18-49 and just 1.46 million total viewers. In the two hours leading up to ‘Ultimate Surfer’s’ debut, ABC averaged a 0.9 demo rating and 3.22 million overall viewers.”

And, now, with the second episode one hundred thousand or so viewers down on ep one, two separate Hollywood sources have confirmed the surf reality show, which counts showbiz heavyweights Erik Logan and Dana White as its executive producers, and which BIPOC surfer Zeke Lau eventually wins, is set for the chopping block. 

“Truly awful,” said one, referring to the ratings and not the show which I regard as a marvellous triumph and a more than tolerable way to waste one hour in the middle of a southern Californian late-summer heat wave. 

Non-Americans can watch the second episode, Chicks on Heat, via VPN set to North America and on the ABC website, click here. 

Hollywood funnyman and VAL pioneer Jonah Hill mistakes BeachGrit’s love language for causticity: “Why’d you guys ask me to be on your podcast if all you do is be rude toward me? I get nothing from surfing except joy.”

Oh tragic day.

Oh and what a sad day, a very sad day, when miscommunication reigns, when misunderstanding rules the day. You, here, know how much Hollywood funnyman cum Patron Saint of the VALs Jonah Hill has captivated. You have experienced the surge of joy from his surf and/or surf-adjacent exploration.

Many stories documenting.




But to have the man on, himself, to listen to his voice sharing his journey was a grail and Derek Rielly strived and I strived for to make it happen.

Alas, Hill himself has reached around and let it be known that, no, he will not come to chat.

Per Instagram direct message, the actor wrote, “Why’d you guys ask me to be on your podcast if all you do is be rude towards me? I get nothing from surfing except joy. Hope you’re well.” Then followed with, “I wish you nothing but good things.”

Oh but Jonah, if I can speak directly to you here, causticity, snark, is BeachGrit‘s love language. How we show we care. You can ask Kelly Slater if you need confirmation but can we try again?

Bridging this divide will go a long way toward crafting world peace.

In great tragedy, Florida kitesurfer dies after unexpectedly strong winds scoop him up, smash him into nearby building.

"When our units arrived, we had very strong gusts in the area."

Of all the many persons who play on the ocean, I have had least experience with kitesurfers. For the wind to be strong enough from them to ply their trade, it also has to be strong enough to chew waves into boiling white messes and thus I am nowhere to be found when they are dancing their dance though, as a sailing man, do admire their harnessing of nature.

In any case, a Florida kitesurfer died, yesterday, after unexpectedly high winds off the coast of Fort Lauderdale scooped him up and smashed him into a nearby building.

Fort Lauderdale Fire Chief Stephen Gollan, addressing reporters near the scene, said, Fred Sulter, 61, “was attempting to kite surf in the ocean behind the address here, actually, just two doors down, when strong winds came into the area unexpectedly, and he was not able to release from the kite in a timely manner. When our units arrived, we had very strong gusts in the area. We had a storm come through just prior to the 9-1-1 call, so went from relatively calm conditions to extremely dangerous conditions in a short period of time.”

The witness who called 9-1-1 said, “The wind just picked him up and threw him against the building and he went down.”

Friends said the father and grandfather would often kitesurf in the area and was very skilled and would be out on the ocean often.

A great tragedy.

The Best LGBT Surf Camps from Around the World, “Bish, I can’t even think straight!”

Adventure awaits!

Where was the last place you didn’t feel safe, comfortable? Of course there are the obvious: Superbank on a Saturday (or any day), Foodland in December, Peter Schroff’s Instagram.

About it, yeah?

Despite all the welcoming aspects of surf camps, there are few, if any, places where an LGBT person can truly be themselves in the surf ether.

But, that is changing.

Gay surf camps are on the rise.

Let’s examine.


With all the passionfruits Brazil has to offer, from Carnival Capoeira hip-swings by gorgeous drag dolls, Brazil Eco Journeys offer of  “Gay Surf Brazil” could be the best.

Literature on the site promises the following:

Ever wanted to surf but was too afraid of not fitting in?

Gay Surf Brazil is THE LGBT Surf Camp of South America.

This annual event started in 2013 as a partnership between Brazil Ecojourneys and Gay Surfers, a social media platform for LGBTQ surfers that has been connecting the community and helping fight homophobia in surfing

Since then, we brought together aspiring and seasoned surfers from the LGBTQ community from all over the world for a week of “surfing and fun amongst friends”.

Gay Surf Brazil is open for all skill levels, from absolute beginners to more advanced surfers.All members of the community and allies are welcome!

Costa Rica has long been known as the Switzerland of Central America. The site Gay Costa Rica described their recent Pride parade thus,

While Costa Rica may not lead the hemisphere in gay rights, the scene in San Jose over Pride weekend, July 2nd and 3rd, showed a different attitude towards the Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgendered Community (LGBT). The streets of San Jose were filled with LGBT community members and supporters…..Drag queens, leather men, traditional dancers, and even puppies decorated in rainbow gear took to the streets to show how the attitude towards the LGBT community is changing.”

Iguana Surf Camp is based in Tamarindo.

According to their site, “Tamarindo gay nightlife is also becoming bigger and bigger. Glitters Fest in Tamarindo was held in April at a bar called Pacífico. It was a huge costume party with DJs, tarot, jugglers, drums, a drag performance, and of course plenty of glitter! The best costume also won a prize. The whole town of Tamarindo was sparkling that night! The next one is already being planned. The bar Rumors recently had a pride event with an awesome drag show and a top DJ. This is sure to repeat!”

If Costa is your chosen spot, keep an eye out for the salt-water crocs that skulk the river mouths. They are the original non-discriminatory social inclusionists and could care less if you’re gay, straight, bi or trans while their golf ball-sized incisors are grabbin’ your limbs and spinnin ’em like a half-beat piñata at a Quinceañera. 

Canary Islands

Before the Spanish decided to unsheathe their swords and poke their flag poles in the grounds across the Canaries, they were inhabited by by the North African Canarii who called the island Tamarán, or ‘Land of the Brave.’

The island of Gran Canaria is an awesome mix of Spanish buildings, streets, cafes and north African landscapes. 

Spain 7 degrees describes its gay surf camp in Gran Canaria as “a week of surfing, sun, energy and fun amongst friends in Maspalomas, Gran Canaria, Canary Islands. It’s time to learn and improve your surfing level with LGBT friends from all over the world in the super Gran Canaria coast. We offer different level course depending on your skills. From beginners to intermediates surfers, everyone will learn how to surf and enjoy the ride. For pros, we will need to drive about 30 minutes to catch proper waves.”

Book here.

Noosa Heads, Australia

In 2017, Safari Surf Adventures hosted an LGBT surf camp in Noosa with coaching by “LGBT advocate and two-time runner-up to the gal’s world title Serena Brooke.

“This 7 Night, all-inclusive instructional surf trip offers a unique opportunity for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender surfers to experience the highest standard of surf coaching by professional surfers at one of the most desirable surf breaks in the world. Noosa Heads, Australia is a world-famous adventure travel surf destination, known for its expansive beaches and colorful bays. This is the perfect place to advance your surf skills in the stunning crystalline waters fringed by a subtropical rainforest.”

The trip is not running this year but Safari Surf was quick to respond to a request:

“Our Costa Rica location is always open for our LBGTQ friends and we get a lot of traffic there. Or if you’d like to bring a group we can certainly create a cool vacation package that’s all inclusive for you!”

Momentum-era Conan, with plaited hair, far right, early nineties. | Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms

Investigation: RVCA co-founder and former pro surfer revealed as “expert witness” in claims of electoral fraud, “Conan Hayes is at the heart of the ‘Stop the Steal’ mania!”

Conan James Hayes, from conquerer of Cloudbreak to toy merchant to self-appointed electoral detective bringing truth to truthers!

(Editor’s note: Two weeks ago, we wrote about Conan Hayes’ new role as a minor celebrity in election fraud conspiracy circles. Here, our pretty little lawyer boy Cedar Hobbs goes deeper.)

Since the election of Joe Biden, heralded as “the most secure in American history,” conspiracies have sprouted up across the nation to justify Donald Trump’s loss.

Dead men voting, buried mail-in ballots, Dominion Voting Systems etc.

A grand conspiracy orchestrated by the Democrats (who actually lost seats in the House of Representatives and greatly underperformed in the election) to keep Donald Trump out of office.

Coined the Stop the Steal movement, it has resulted in myriad conspiracies, lawsuits (that were ultimately dismissed), and result confirming audits.

And, it appears that one of the movement’s prominent players is Conan Hayes himself, former professional surfer and RVCA co-founder.

In November of 2020 a lawsuit was filed in Michigan state court challenging the electoral results of Antrim County, Michigan, where Donald Trump won almost 2/3 of the county. The lawsuit proffered a conspiracy that Dominion voting tabulators switched votes from Donald Trump to Joe Biden.

As part of that litigation, Conan Hayes was designated as one of several expert witnesses on behalf of the plaintiff. According to filings, Hayes was expected to “testify as to application security, systems, process, generally accepted programming practices, standards of care, as it relates to application development of sensitive systems.”

The names of those experts, including Hayes, were not initially public.

Per The Record Eagle, the plaintiff in the case filed a motion for protective order to keep the names of the experts private, citing safety concerns, but the presiding judge denied that motion.

While in Michigan, Hayes, through his Twitter account @We_Have_Risen, reportedly (and improperly) tweeted photos of rolls of voter data.

Hayes would later contribute to a flawed report released by the Allied Security Operations Group (ASOG).

According to The Daily Beast, the lawyer for the plaintiff, Matthew DePerno, confirmed that Hayes had “helped with the collection of forensic information and the analysis of the info we put into the ASOG Report.”

That report asserted that the Dominion vote tabulators were “intentionally and purposefully designed with errors to create systemic fraud and influence election results.”

The report was met with wide spread criticism, notably because it confused Minnesota precincts with Michigan precincts in its analysis.

That suit was dismissed in May of 2021.

(For what it’s worth, I voted at least three times in Michigan, and every time I visited my polling place everything appeared well above board.)

Conan Hayes has been involved an Arizona audit as well, where Donald Trump has claimed that voting fraud cost him Arizona’s electoral votes.

Despite two audits that confirmed the results in the area, state legislators began a review of the ballots in April.

That review has been led by Cyber Ninjas, a computer security firm with no election experience prior to the 2020 election.

Hayes apparently has connections to Cyber Ninjas.

In a statement from Dave Logan, CEO of Cyber Ninjas, the “DePerno Team” was recognized as providing “operational support and advice pivotal in executing the audit.” This may implicate Hayes, as he worked with DePerno during the Michigan electoral challenge.

In May 2021, Garrett Archer, a data analyst for ABC15 Arizona, confirmed that Hayes was on the Arizona audit floor acting as a subcontractor.

Additional information from Cyber Ninjas, including records related to fundraisers and communications, is expected soon. According to AZCentral, the U.S. House Oversight and Reform Committee instructed Cyber Ninjas to produce certain records by Friday, August 27th.

Results of the Arizona audit were expected Monday, August 23rd, but have been delayed “because three of the five members of the auditing team have tested positive for coronavirus,” according to the Arizona Republican Senate leader.

And most recently, Hayes has been implicated in an election scandal in Mesa County, Colorado.

According to Vice, earlier this year, county clerk Tina Peters allowed an individual to steal election data from the county. That data would later be shared at Mike Lindell’s (the MyPillow guy and notable conspiracy theorist), Cyber Symposium conference.

During the breach, surveillance cameras monitoring the equipment were shut off at the prompting by Peters.

In a statement from Colorado Secretary of State Jena Griswold, a Gerald Wood was penned as an “unauthorized individual” who accessed the hard drives and data.

But it appears that Gerald Wood is a pseudonym used by Hayes..

During the Cyber Symposium, Ron Watkins, a major player in QAnon and who has been rumored to be Q himself, specifically named Hayes as possessing the data.


Watkins stated live during the symposium: “I just learned that Conan James Hayes may have taken, without authorization, the actual hard drives, from the Mesa County, er, Mesa Colorado County clerk, and he needs to produce those hard drives immediately and return them to the clerk.”

Ty Clevenger, Watkins’ attorney, confirmed to Vice News that Hayes had provided the sensitive data.

Data from the leak also showed that it was accessed by an individual with the username “cjh,” according to Twitter user @get_innocuous.

Following the breach, the Colorado Secretary of State’s Office, the Mesa County District Attorney, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation have opened investigations.

According to a statement from FBI spokeswoman Courtney Bernal, “The FBI is working with the 21st Judicial District Attorney’s Office on the forensic review and analysis of county voting systems to determine if there was a potential federal criminal violation.”

Dan Rubinstein, the District Attorney for Mesa County, told CNN that he had been contacted by the Secretary of State’s Office and “was told that they believed that there were potential criminal matters which would be referred to my office for prosecution.”

Since the Cyber Symposium, Tina Peters is being housed in a safe house provided by Mike Lindell. Lindell told Vice News that Peters was “worried about her safety, these people are ruthless.”

There have not been any criminal charges filed.

Hayes’ Twitter account, @We_Have_Risen, has recently been deleted.

More as the story develops.