WHOOP and there it is.
They said it would never happen. They doubted and naysaid, clicked their tongues and sucked their teeth in pure, open derision. “He won’t become fit,” they clucked. “He won’t give up a wayward life of booze, Carl’s Jr. western bacon cheeseburgers, embrace anything other than writing sick, spiteful, diseased surf journalism that nobody reads. Being rude and taking pleasure in being so. He won’t become fit.”
But here I am, a surf journalist soaring on the nylon wings of my WHOOP personalized digital fitness and health coach.
But mostly running.
I’ll be honest, my surgically repaired shoulder has been aching badly due not being properly rehabbed then thrown into a macabre convict-inspired pushup routine and so I have simply been running since legs are skinny but ok.
The oldest human profession.
Running takes nothing, costs nothing, builds surf-important stamina, needs neither swell nor wind nor lack of wind nor wetsuit nor any such nonsense. Pheidippides ran in Ancient Greece, Asahel in more Ancient Israel. Runners have been running since the beginning of time because it can just be done and I’ve been doing it. First moving slowly and not far then more quickly and farther.
Legs pumping, sweat pouring, mind wandering to dangerous places.
Like, “I wonder how quick I could run four miles?”
“I wonder how quick I could run one mile?”
“Could I run a four-minute mile?”
The four-minute mile, as any student of human achievement knows, is a gold standard. Once deemed impossible then broken by the great Britain Roger Bannister in 1954. It has been run by just over 1400 since but also gave birth to “The Bannister Effect” defined as “the phenomenon of one person showing others that it can be done and, thus, prompting others to believe and achieve.”
Bannister effected, WHOOP affixed, I figured I could bust because what is running if not will? And what is WHOOP if not inspiration?
Thirty days into fitness, I purposed to see where I was at and headed to the park to leg a mile out.
7:16.
I ran a mile in seven minutes, sixteen seconds and almost died.
My exertion so off my own personal charts that WHOOP didn’t even measure it as “running” but rather “activity” and one of the monster “activities” of my older life.
But…
…what’s disappearing three minutes and sixteen seconds?
I surf.
I am.
The oldest person to ever run a four-minute mile, by the way, is 41-year-old Irishman Eamonn Coghlan who kicked in at 3:58:15. He was an Olympian but also an Irishman.
Four-minute mile.
The key to the greatest cutback on the final section of Kelly Slater’s thigh-burning Surf Ranch in history.
Heading back out tomorrow, shaving time, developing story.
WHOOP and there it is.
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Is that not changing as training theories evolve? I would think (and I’m pretty sure I’ve read) that most of the African runners do most of their training as long, easy miles?
2.26 is very, very fast. Surely if you were that at 19 you must’ve been serious about it or on a program?
How dare you!
How many of these fuckers do you have to sell before we never hear about them again?
Just mix it up Chaz – i’ve done the prison workout twice this week 53 mins and 48 next time- combined with bike, KBs , sand runs – all forms of HIT training is go – i’m over this WHOOP shit – but your stats will be mental!!
You never loved Morgan like you do me.
run, swim, run!(any distances, but don’t stop) Then do a bear crawl around your house twice in the morning. Twice in the evening.(don’t f cheat) After each lap do 20 chase the rabbits(don’t f cheat).
If you complete any of these, for any stretch of time you’ll be strong as f! ~ VS
Whale oil beef hooked, Eammon Coghlan is an Irishman. Seriously. But how good are cigarettes after a 5km run!? I though they were good after surfing but farrrrrrk they are magical after a trot along the beach and back.
Toughen up cupcake! Wait til you’re old and running isn’t an option, you’ve been through a few shoulder surgeries, a few knee surgeries, one hip labral repair and suffer from 3 ruptured discs between S1-L3. Think about a mtn bike and no more eightballs to enhance the Whoop data…father time has you in the cross hairs!
Is it 5 oclock somewhere?
Hi Chas, welcome to the running club.
Of course real runners are using Garmins but I wont let that get in the way of your advertorial.
4 min mile is super human, pretty much impossible. 4 min kilometre is pretty easy and you should be able to do that (6:26 min per mile). Make that your goal.
The best way to increase your pace is do speed work, or alternatively hills (uphill of course) If you have access to a treadmill it’s easy and you will slash your time, whoop or not. Just do 2.5min slow (~10kmh), 1.5min medium (~12kmh) and 1 min fast (>15kmh). Repeat 5 times. Those kind of speeds shouldn’t be beyond you.
If you really get the bug, try a half marathon. Anyone can do a half unless they are a fat cunt or have some sort of injury (please get a Doctor’s checkup first because middle aged men have a habit of having heart attacks when they bite off more than they can chew!).
If you get really keen do a Marathon. Sub 3hrs is the magic number that everyone aspires to. My best is 3:27. Not a bad time but would like to do better. Gotta shave off a few minutes to qualify for Boston. That’s running equivalent to making the trials at pipe, and everyone dreams of it.
Or he could blood dope and become super human!
Thanks stinkbug! I was just wondering what my program should be.
I’m just here for my weekly whooping
In other news a certain bow legged Aussie multi world title holder and spoiled Santa Barbara pro had all their stuff stolen out of their van at Ob three days ago.
I think Surfline Man needs to make his next adventure buying a step up and taking a trip up here so he can get his van stolen and lit on fire.
Run Charrest ruuuunn…
Discovery channel has shark week, while Beachgrit has Whoop month.
And Eric Liddell!
Men like that are a rare breed indeed, these days it’s zillionaire meme warriors, and boy are they some hard to come back from memes. Brutal!!!
Men who have become women, not so rare anymore.
Chin up ladies.
Bill Gates has just announced he’s investing all his remaining money into a robot God so he can be forgiven of his hideous sins
Programmed by Microsoftcocks of course.
kleenex also as a hedge.
That story about his little surfy gang with the tuff chick as the leader.
Then a guy who can surf paddles out and they had a little cry together.
it’ really speaks to someone I’ve never met
You’re on rare form tonight.
Im not on the drugs that killed River pheonix, just fingernails dipped in acid
Poor little guy, lying there while Johnny Depp in the back room watching the CCTV, laughing and sneering and pretending his fingers were scissors
Snip snip chop chop
He really is a shit house actor.
Donny Brasco?
They woulda clipped him first scene in real life.
River was too good for this life.
Playin junky hustlers as if he had real cock on his breath, born 30 years too early
He never was an old man River
Maybe if you ask Rielly nicely he can republish some Felch cartoons from his ASL days, I reckon they’d be right up your alley
Wait Dez did Felch!?!?
Think it was after his time actually
Yeah I was startled, it just would have been all of the dudes rooting things had it been.
I’d rather some stories of Ita during his apprenticeship at
The Womens Weekly
Write something dude
I can’t take anymore of Surfads post teen angst
I’ll be disgusted on Nick Carroll’s behalf.