Koa's electric dirt bike, stolen from backyard of family's Sunset Beach compound.

Thief makes “biggest mistake of his life” after breaking into Sunset Beach compound of notorious North Shore strongman and stealing son’s electric dirtbike, “I like when they steal! Because when I catch um I break all their fingers with a bat!”

“The guy that that stole this is #dead”

As exhilarating and as lucrative as stealing might be, there’s always the chance y’gonna rip off the wrong person, as one bandit patrolling the North Shore discovered recently.

Six days ago, Koa Rothman, the twenty-eight-year-old son of North Shore strongman and co-founder of Da Hui Eddie Rothman, woke to find his electric dirt bike had been taken from the backyard of his family’s Sunset Beach compound.


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Response was uniform,

“Someone is fuxked.”

“Damn someone stole the wrong bike from the wrong family this time.”

“Damn I pity the dude that stole it. #rip”

“The guy that that stole this is #dead”

“I like when they steal! Because when I catch um! I break all their fingers with a bat! & then escort um to there house! Das how we do in waimanalo! *ucking cracks!”

Now, if y’been in that joint, a spectacular place near Backyards with a fine use of decorative woods, you know you don’t wanna be in there uninvited, let’s say.

Daddy Ed, big brother Makua, little bro Koa, maybe a dog or two, they ain’t partial to surprise visits.

Let’s detour briefly into Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell, Charlie Smith’s best-seller, to examine the bona fides of Fast Eddie.

Theoretically Eddie Rothman is nothing to fear. Sixty-three years old and five foot seven, if generous, five foot six if honest, he could be a grandpa or a retiree. But he is not. He is roping muscle. His arms, usually bare, are perpetually flexed. His chest, puffed like a gorilla, vibrates aggression. His expression rarely changes. It is stone and his features are stone too. A pug nose broken more than once. A jaw that would be impossible to break even with a lead baton. He shaves his grey hair down to a fine stubble and the braided rattail that he once sported is gone. The neck that holds that head up is as thick as a tree. His eyes, when not covered behind wraparound sunglasses, are dull and probing at the same time. He looks through you, very slowly. He looks into you. The reality of Eddie Rothman lives up to the whispers. He is no ordinary little man from Nebraska, like the Wizard of Oz, hiding behind a disembodied, booming voice. He is a flesh-and-blood reckoning.

British newspaper of record interviews artificially generated Mark Zuckerberg, reveals deep passion for sport of kings: “I do surfing and am grateful for the world of water.”

Also, "The world is going to end, and if we don’t make money from that, then we should just sit down in the water and make Reels right into the last couple of days."

I am now in Venice, not Beach, staying in the Hotel Metrople’s owner suite and forgot how truly magical this city is.

The mixture of near east smashing into west, seafaring, music and art hums like a perfectly tuned mahogany Riva.


Simply gorgeous and I don’t know why Facebook founder and the world’s sixth richest man Mark Zuckerberg didn’t choose to colonize here instead of culture-light Kauai.

To each his own, I suppose, and maybe it has something to do with this deeper than expected love of our sport of kings.

The Guardian, newspaper of record in the United Kingdom, wanted badly to interview Zuckerberg but was not afforded an opportunity so built an articulacy generated version no different from the real thing.

“To do this,” The Guardian explained, “we worked with Botnik Studios to create a predictive keyboard trained on the past two years of Zuckerberg’s public statements (archived by Marquette University’s Zuckerberg Files). Our previous interview with the Zuckerbot, conducted in 2019 and based on Zuck’s statements from 2016 to 2019, can be found here. Guardian journalists provided the questions; Botnik used the predictive keyboard to generate the answers.”

A sampling:

You control a 55% voting stake in your company. What safeguards exist to check your power?

I need to ask permission from a big personal influence – my parents. They don’t expect that their friends will like the new things I’ve done. Hopefully, later on helping me will become their lives but for now we’re gonna roll with social media for all kinds of ages.

Do you still think Facebook is making the world a better place?

The world is going to end, and if we don’t make money from that, then we should just sit down in the water and make Reels right into the last couple of days.

And most surprisingly…

Let’s play a game. What are two truths and one lie about yourself?

One: I have no company. Two: I have no tolerance for the town square. Three: I do surfing and I am grateful for the world of water.

Are you surprised that Zuckerberg appears to define himself though surfing, or rather foiling?

Does this make his very best friend Kai Lenny the world’s tenth most powerful man?

More questions than answers.

Read here. 

Happy Whites! | Photo: NBC

The Australian Shark Attack File to be renamed over fears sharks are being “utterly demonised” even as the country records unprecedented surge in numbers of surfers, swimmers and divers killed by Great Whites!

Experts say sharks, and by sharks they mean Great Whites, have been “unfairly demonised” and the word attack “triggered negative concerns".

Six month after Australian authorities moved to rebrand shark attacks as “incidents” and “negative encounters”, the “Australian Shark Attack File” is to be renamed the “Australian Shark Incident Database.”

Experts say sharks, and by sharks they mean Great Whites, pretty much the only man-eater in Australian waters, have been “unfairly demonised” and that the word attack “triggered negative concerns”, as if Whites were teenage girls hiding under the covers after a cruel Snapchat message.

The Australian Shark Attack File used to be a dusty ol’ thing found at the Taronga Conservation Society, the offshoot of Taronga Zoo, an animal prison located on Sydney Harbour and famous for locking up the bounty of the African savannah.

Rarely did the fatal side of the ledger have to be updated, the dust blown off the journal every ten years or so after a diver was be hit by a White somewhere offshore.

Then, in 1999, the White was protected and the game changed.

The name change comes off the back of Australia’s deadliest year (2020) of Great White attacks in ninety years, and with the ink barely dry on the death certificate of a swimmer disappeared by a “massive” Great White fifty feet from shore at a Perth beach in November, 2021.

As in the case in these sorts of stories run by the mainstream press, an “expert” is wheeled out to reassure the public that despite record numbers of fatal attacks, well, you’ve got more chance of being hit by a falling piano or poisoned by the barb of an angry arthropod.

The exhibits manager at Sea Life Melbourne Aquarium, Tereza Todd, told the radio station 3AW, “You’d be surprised how often they do approach people and don’t do anything… Shark attacks are quite rare and they don’t happen very often.”

Tell that to the families of the following surfers, all killed by Great Whites within the last two years,

Timothy Thompson, a newly married thirty one year old who was about to become a father for the first time, hit at Coffs Harbour in September. (“I heard screaming,” said one witness. “I saw a man without an arm, there was lots of blood. He was shouting ‘help me’ — people were trying to get him out to the shore.”)


Mark Sanguinetti, killed by a Great White fifty feet from the shore at Tuncurry by a fifteen-foot Great White in May, 2021.

(“The shark came out of the water, just smashed him, five seconds later he came round and hit him again… Just the whole bone exposed, no meat on him at all.”)


Andrew Sharpe, 52, hit by a Great White at Kelpies in Esperance, October 9, 2020. Never seen again.

(A local surfer said he was taken “almost whole. The body is just fucking gone.” An Esperance local, Jess Anne, was swimming with her kid a kilometre away and said the water turned red.)


Nick Slater, 46, hit, killed by a Great White at the Supabank, Queensland, September 8, 2020.

(“One of the guys who dragged the lifeless body to shore, Jade Parker, said “the whole idea that the shark was trying to single him out is not realistic” despite the footage showing unequivocally the shark doing exactly that. It hit him then hit him again.”)


Mani Hart-Deville, 15, hit, killed by a Great White, Wooli Beach, NSW, July 11, 2020.

(“A really big Great White shark came up and took a bite, and he was screaming out. Then the surfer said the shark came again for another attack … and another surfer actually bravely went and tried to get the shark off him and then they pulled him out of the water.”)


Rob Pedretti, 60, hit, killed, by a Great white, Salt Beach, NSW, June 7, 2020.

Oblivious swimmers stalked by ten-foot shark in wild shallow-water vision captured by drone (and by GoPro-equipped goggles) in area notorious for fatal Great White attacks!

"There are sharks everywhere, there's a lot more than I thought."

Yeah, you’ve heard of Esperance, place with the prettiest white sand beaches in the world and water so blue you’d swear some deity had been a little too heavy on the saturation slider.

Also, and as you know, heavy on the Great White traffic.

In October last year, a local surfer Andrew Sharpe was taken whole by a Great White while shredding a joint called Kelpies. A few years earlier, teenage surfer Laticia Brouwers died in front of her family after being hit by a Great White in 2017; same place Sean Pollard, 23, had an arm and another hand bitten off by a Great White in 2014 and a few clicks away from where diver Gary Johnson was killed by a White in January, 2020.

The state’s premier, channelling Marie Antoinette, said at the time, “There’s always a risk when you go in the water.”

(After being told the peasants were starving Dauphine Marie Antoinette said, “If there’s no bread why don’t they eat brioche?”)


Local port worker and keen diver and filmer James Hooper (@roadimtravelling) was in Lucky Bay, in the Cape Le Grand National Park there just south-east of Esperance, readying for a dive when he sent his drone up to spot for sharks. And by sharks, Whites, not the myriad other mostly harmless species that inhabit this gorgeous stretch of Southern Ocean.

“Last week we saw what was probably a White, four metres long (13-feet), then another one the night before,” says Hooper.

The bird goes up and Hooper sees a ten-foot shark, which looks a helluva lot like a Great White from above, following a couple of spearfishos.

“The chick I was with, Simone (@troopy_travellers), who’s a marine biologist, took off and legged it,” says Hooper, who flew the drone low over the swimmers and dipped its wings to warn ‘em that there was a shark. “She had to run a k and a half (one mile) to warn ‘em. Sharks are so stealth they had no idea what was going on. There’s nothing you can do you’re fucking helpless.”

As Hooper watched, the spearfisho got out of the water, then went back in solo.

“I thought he was done and dusted, so why is he swimming back out? You see the shark watching him and following him. Then the guy sees the shark…”

And, here, Italian Riccardo Trebbi (@riccardo_wmc) who was equipped with a GoPro on his goggles and who was with his girlfriend Jenny (@tutubirdie), on her first foray into the spear game, takes up the story.

Shark has a swing at the spear.

“I saw the drone flying really low, swinging left and right trying to tell us something. I didn’t think too much of it and was about to flip him (the bird). I went back in the water, then saw the shark. I thought, let him swim past, no drama, but as he swims past me he turns to me. Fuck! What do I do now! A friend of mine told me to poke ‘em on the nose with the spear or if you’re surfing, punch ‘em on the nose. I tried to poke it and it opens its mouth and had a bite of the spear. It wasn’t going away. After a while it gave up and swam away.”

An examination of the footage revealed that while it looked like a White from above it was, likely, a Dusky Whaler, a vaguely dangerous fish but one that ain’t got a rep for hitting humans.

Still, as Hooper says, you might wanna keep a bird in the air when diving or surfing round these parts.

“They’re fucking everywhere,” says Hooper, who is new to the drone game. There are a lot more than I thought.”

Revealed: Santa Claus able to stay forever young by following big wave icon, superfood scion Laird Hamilton’s glorious health program of ice baths and turmeric teas!

Take every present.

Children fall out of belief in the great Santa Claus at some point in their early lives due the theoretical impossibility of what he does. The energy it must take to fly around the world, following night, delivering presents etc. and never recover, Santa becoming a cute little meme, but has no adult re-checked their lost faith in light of the equally great Laird Hamilton?

Oh the big wave icon, superfood scion has defied aging for the past 50-years by jumping into ice water and drinking various forms of turmeric.

Santa lives in the land of ice baths. Turmeric grows in Hawaii.

1 + 1 = Santa does Laird’s XPT training and gets the dang job done.

David Lee Scales and I discussed this truth and became angry at the World Surf League, amongst other things, on the most recent podcast.

I am in Italy.

And in all sincerity, merry merry merry Christmas to you all.

Open this present later.