Bombshell Netflix reality series confirms surf-hippy utopia Byron Bay’s descent into “a malignant nightmare… the spawn of unhinged neoliberalism and grinning hippy capitalists!”

"Byron is Abu Dhabi with cafes and warm-water peelers instead of air-con malls… an orgy of aimless consumption in the spiritual supermarket."

One year ago, and shortly before his untimely demise, Steve “Longtom” Shearer wrote movingly of the dramatic shift in tone of the holiday hamlet he’d spent most of his adult life living in.

In response to a Vanity Fair story on a gang of Instagram influencer mom-surfers –  murfers – in Byron Bay, Longtom wrote,

Six am and the carparks are packed.

Range Rover, Audis, idle in the carparks, the scent of diesel fumes wafts over the line-up. The serfs have had their hit, time to man and woman the cafes. Byron is Abu Dhabi with cafes and warm-water peelers instead of air-conditioned malls. Euro-babes and Brazilian studs do the coolie labour instead of South Asians.

It’s a monument to greed wearing a spiritual cloak. A glittering dream metastasized into a malignant nightmare. The bastard spawn of unhinged neoliberalism and grinning hippy capitalists running riot in an orgy of aimless consumption in the spiritual supermarket. Ayn Rand on a mid-length.

Now, a new Netflix reality series, “Byron Baes”, has confirmed the one-time surf hippy utopia’s desert into Longtom’s “malignant nightmare”, the eight-part docusoap following “a tight circle of friends as they navigate life, love and career.”

The fourteen influencers, which include models, creatives, a spiritual coach and marketers, hit Byron in an attempt to grown their biz’s and social followings.

Chaos ensues.

Tens of thousands more gallons of untreated sewage spew across Los Angeles and Orange County beaches as region suffers from second major spill in as many months!

Does no one think about the surfers?

The weather is, currently, cold and windy across Southern California making for lousy, choppy surf though those in Orange and Los Angeles Counties may be counting that lack as their only blessing as those beaches are shut for the second time in less than two months after a major sewage spill.

Authorities are blaming a blocked sewer line at a restaurant in Newport Bay, according to The Los Angeles Times, which spewed at least 50,000 of untreated poos and pees into the ocean water.

Beaches are currently closed to swimming, surfing, diving, and I’d imagine wading as various agencies begin testing the brine.

Gross but how many more spills will it take for the area’s swimmers, surfers, divers and waders to demand account for this nastiness?

Whose fault is it?

Gov. Gavin Newsom?

A fine enough place to begin.

Ex-President of United States, friend of Kelly Slater, Barack Obama nears completion of south Oahu family home culturally appropriated from Magnum P.I.!

History written by the winners etc.

The ex-President of the United States, and friend of Kelly Slater, Barack Obama appears to be nearing completion on his oceanfront south Oahu mansion, according to local news reports, as finishing touches are being applied to the landscaping. Purchased in 2015 for $8.7 million, the three-acre parcel will include three structures and two swimming pools.

Activists and stinkerdoodles have been making some noise and fuss about how the Obamas have found a loophole in some law or bylaw that will allow them to keep an environmentally damaging seawall in place. Those activists should be making a fuss about how the property was culturally appropriated from Magnum P.I. and was the actual Robin’s Nest where many crimes and mysteries were solved.

Robin's Nest.
Robin’s Nest.

The Obamas razed the property three years after purchase in a possible attempt to wipe the memory of Tom Selleck and his gorgeous Ferrari 308 GTS from history.

Robin's Nest today.
Robin’s Nest today.

A real shame.

Back to Kelly Slater, though, maybe the Obamas can invite him over for beach tacos once they are all moved in.


Medina, left, Lopes, right.

Shock twist in Gabriel Medina-Yasmin Brunet marriage breakup as surf champ is forced to address wild rumours of affair with TikTok superstar Vanessa Lopes, “Evil gossip can make you hate innocent people and love hypocrites”!

"Be wise, there are always two versions in every story told. Listen to them," says Medina.

The three-time world champion Gabriel Medina, a boy with eyes so dark they look like they’ve been stolen off a gingerbread man’s face, has publicly addressed rumours of an affair with TikTok superstar Vanessa Lopes after the pair were spotted kissing at a Sao Paulo nightclub.

Multiple Brazilian outlets have reported Medina, who is twenty-eight, and Lopes, twenty, spent last Friday and Saturday night together at Villa JK nightclub in Sao Paulo, the pair writhing and bumping against the terrycloth of Medina’s Rip Curl trouser suit.

The news has forced Medina’s ex Yasmin Brunet to take the unprecedented step of unfollowing Lopes and removing the hyphenated Medina part of her name.

The pair, seen below in happier days.


Lopes, who counts fifteen-million followers on TikTok, many who would leave the account with wet web stains on the front of their red bunny pyjamas, is yet to comment on the imbroglio although Medina went straight on the offensive.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Vanessa Lopes (@vanessalopesr_)


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Vanessa Lopes (@vanessalopesr_)


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Vanessa Lopes (@vanessalopesr_)

“Evil gossip can make you hate innocent people and love hypocrites,” Medina wrote on his IG story. “Be wise, there are always two versions in every story told. Listen to them.”

Surf website cum environmental watchdog BeachGrit forces Kelly Slater’s sustainable brand Outerknown to pivot toward semi-sustainable practices in new year!

Planet preservation meets personal expression.

Who would have ever imagined that this BeachGrit, your BeachGrit, would become an environmental watchdog and help unstuff already stuffed landfills in these still early days of 2022?

Not me, to be honest, and I am a principal at the biggest little surf website in the world but let us examine the astounding turn of events.

Ahead of Christmas, Kelly Slater’s sustainable brand Outerknown mass mailed toxic catalogues to thousands, if not millions, of homes. At the time, I wrote:

I was reminded of festive cheer when I visited my mailbox yesterday morning and discovered a full color bleed mailer for Kelly Slater’s sustainable outerwear brand Outerknown stuffed inside. It was addressed to someone else and I felt small guilt in breaking its seal but what was I to do? An adorable picture of a Saint Bernard wearing a scarf overlooking the words “Your OuterKnown sustainable gift guide. Gift thoughtfully. Gift better” was simply more than I could take.

The heavy card stock opened to a four paneled masterpiece of joy. There were salmon trunks and “swittens,” moleskin shirts and “reimagine cashmere” beanies, blanket shirt dresses and Breitling x Outerknown watches.

I bathed in its seasonal charm, almost able to smell chestnuts roasting by the fire with care, then, seeing as there was no way to order any of it from the mailer itself, went to my trash can and pitched it inside.

Well guess who just got another uninvited Outerknown catalogue?

Buzzy Kerbox (pictured) bottom left.
Buzzy Kerbox (pictured) bottom left.

This time, though, it is properly flimsy as if printed on used newspaper. I marveled at the handsome Buzzy Kerbox, who appears to be an ambassador, and other products until flipping to the back and reading “MIX Paper from responsible sources” stamped in the corner.

A website was also included

I couldn’t be bothered to click but I imagine it is a sustainable paper thing. In any case, without BeachGrit advertising the overt hypocrisy would Outerknown have shifted its behavior?

Much easier, and therefore more effective and profitable, to full color bleed, heavy card stock print in China.

Are we accidentally saving the world?

More as the story develops.